Well....my H is still here....but he's not here.<P>As I said in my earlier posts he was cordial when my father visited Saturday night and then after that....up to this morning....he hasn't said hardly 5 words to me.<P>He talked to his parents Saturday night. I had to call over there and tell him that our youngest daughter wanted him. She's 3 and is a daddy's girl. She cried for 45 minutes straight saying she wanted her daddy and when he walked through the door she practically knocked him over and cried harder...then cried herself to sleep on his lap.<P>He told his parents the same thing he's been telling me. It's over...there are no feelings there...he doesn't think they will ever come back. His parents disagree. They told him they don't think that he tried hard enough or gave it long enough.<P>He still hasn't said he was going to leave and he still has his wedding band on....but he won't talk to me and we are no longer sleeping in the same room.<P>He won't talk to me....I told him last night that when he was ready to talk I was ready to listen to whatever he had to say......he said that he didn't have anything to talk about. Should I just wait for him to come to me when he's ready to talk?<P>At his parents yesterday I could see a little of him wanting to be like we always are....but he kept pulling back. When his father went out to talk to him he asked him what was going on and if he wanted to stay home or leave and my H told him he wanted told him he wanted to stay....but no reason why.<BR>When we got home H decided that he would start supper while the girls and I ran to the store....this confused me.<P>He won't talk to me to let me know what's going on.<BR>He will talk to everyone BUT me about us....and I don't know why....he talks to me about everything else. Even still says I'm his best friend....but he's not acting like it now. He's acting like I'm a disease now and he doesn't want to be around me.<P>I wish I knew what to do right now. I hate this situation....mostly for the girls. I'm stonger this time....crying only occasionally....but I know it's because he's still here. I know when he makes that decision to leave...and I think he will....that I will crumble.<P>How the heck do I meet his EN's if he won't let me near him and he won't talk to me?

MP:<P>He is still in the fog. As long as that condition persists, you can look forward to this kind of rollercoaster ride.<P>Continue with Plan A and see what develops.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Is his anger toward me because I want our marriage to work normal?<P>He keeps telling me that I need to face reality....that it's over.....that those feelings just aren't going to come back.<BR>My response.....I dont believe that. I believe that our marriage can be better than it ever was if we try hard enough.<P>He just seems to be so angry at me for not letting him go without tears and telling him that I want it to work. He just wants me to give up.....he's told me to quit fighting.

MP:<P>Fog, fog, and yet more fog. He is trying to get you to "kick him out" so that he is justified in his A. Secondly, his anger is a way to transfer the pain of his guilt to another mechanism.<P>There are several great posts of late that list fogese affair quotes by WS. Remarkable that so many, divergent WS keep saying the same things.<P>It gives WAT's Theory of Alien Abductions and Moose Brain Worms a lot of credence.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Miss Priss - can you afford a counseling session with Steve Harley or Jennifer Chalmers? $95<P>No, don't give up, but yes, quit "fighting" if you're being too pushy. He's not ready yet to make progress.<P>Keep working on your Plan A improvements and demonstrating them.<P>WAT

WAT........I cannot afford a counseling session with anyone at this time. I've been a STAHM for 10 years now and with all that has happened in the last 5 months we can barely afford to pay the bills we already have.<P>I do believe that since he came home I have been a tad overbearing and pushy......but have put a stop to that as of 2 days ago.....if he wants to talk them he will come to me. <BR>BUT....we are to the point now where he only talks to me if he absolutely has to.....avoids me at all costs.<BR>I'm just lying low right now....guess it's just a waiting game at this point.

MP:<P>Sorry you can't afford to talk with Steve directly. Nonetheless ... continue your Plan A. Give thought to Plan B (don't want to get to that point, but "Be Prepared" is a good motto for everyone and not just the Boy Scouts).<P>It will seem like a rollercoaster ride. We are here both when you are down and when you are up. If you need to vent, do it here rather than risk a huge lovebuster with your WS.<P>Remember, Plan A is about supplanting the ENs the OW is supplying to your WS. Work, work, work now on Plan A ... the longer it is delayed, the more your H will feel justified in his A (she doesn't love me, she is cold and withdrawn, etc. etc. etc. ... you can plug in any of the things WS's say here).<P>Godspeed and prayers,<BR>STL

MP<P>Talk, no talk, anger, guilt, it's all there.<P>I went thru this with my W (WS). I was pushing like hell and wanted her to talk and wanted to resolve things quickly. But there was a period when she just didn't want to deal with me. She could not handle being in our house. She didn't really want to talk. So I reluctantly tried to let her have the space she asked for. It sounds like your H is looking for some space, too.<P>You should consider giving im the space he needs to deal with his emotions. It is hard...It is especially hard not to push but it might be just what he needs.<P>Being patient is difficult but remember this is a long roller coaster ride and the ups and downs are hell. Especailly when dealing with this type of confusion.<P>My W got thru it and she is now talking about coming home after 4 months on her own.<P>It is possible to work their way out of it...but I found out...after she told me a million times, that pushing and prodding won't work. They have to get there on their own.<P>Good luck<P>E <P>

Well as the ws, can only echo the others, don't push us......plz. Just plan A...while we think about stuff, and plan B us when you can't stand it anymore (or our behaviour becomes unacceptable).<p>[This message has been edited by sad_n_lonely (edited July 02, 2001).]