Does any feel a strong need to forgive the other person? I just want to forgive everyone involved. I really want my husband to tell the other person that he was confused and he is sorry he hurt her and that he loves me and we are moving on. I feel a strong need to forgive her but do not know how to go about this!! Am I losing my mind or what does anyone else feel this way. I just want to talk to her so that when we run into each other we do not have to feel all crappy inside. I am sure she is hurting just as we are. Any thoughts!!! PLEASE<BR>

tmh,<P>Do you know the OW? I don't know your story so I can't understand why you would worry about feeling "crappy" if you ran into her. What did you ever do to her?<P>I personally have no desire to have any contact whatsoever with the OW. You need to focus on you and your H. The OW is just an anonymous player in this game. Forget about her and focus on your H.<P>How are things going in your marriage now? Is he over the OW? Are you in recovery? <P>Focus on your relationship not the OW.<P>R3

I too had a great need to forgive. Forgiveness is NOT forgetting. I like the explanation that forgiving is giving up the right to hurt someone for hurting you. I was sick of being angry at WH and OW. I was sick of blaming them for hurting me. I wanted to take responsibility for how I responded to crap. "It's not what happens to you in life - it's how you handle it." I was hurting MYSELF sitting around trying to think of ways to seek revenge - and by focusing so much on what THEY did. <P>The prodigal son story is what I hang onto. That boy did horrible things with his inheritance - his life - and hurt his father terribly. Yet, his father ran to him to greet him when he came home - even before he knew that the son was SORRY. <P>(Sorry to be a long reply.) <P>I think I KNOW how you feel. Personally, I wrote a small note to my WH, explaining what I thought forgiveness was - giving up the right to hurt someone for hurting you, and that God was the only one to judge and hold us accountable for our actions. I forgave them, but also mentioned that what they did was horrible, and hurt me deeply, and I still hurt. I said my conscious is clear - I am forgiving you. The rest is between you and God. I wanted H to share the note with the OW also. I truly did this for ME - to rid myself of anger and bitterness. I didnt' expect a miracle apology from either of them, and good - because I sure didn't get one! H did cry when he read it and said he knew that was hard for me to do. But, I did what I know is right. And they know it was right too!<P>Just my opinion - it's what I did - 3 weeks ago - and I have no regrets. If you know the OW and see her regularly, you either need to forgive her in your heart - you don't have to tell her, or forgive her in person or in writing, or try to forget about it like Roudy said.<P>Hope that helps! Hang in there. read lots of posts and learn. WYou're at the right place!<P>------------------<BR>Faith1

You may want to read this article on forgiving:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5042_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5042_qa.html</A> <P>z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Remember, if you don't forgive others for their sins, you won't be forgiven for yours, and don't tell me you've never sinned. Remember, it takes TWO to tango, the OW is not entirely at fault, so don't blame her solely. You have to take a look at what you could do now to avoid a recurrence of the same situation. The bible says forgive them for they know not what they do...so cut the gal some slack but just don't invite her over for dinner ~FLgal~