Okay, nobody is bursting my bubble today!!I realize this is only the beginning, we have a LONG way to go to recovery, but I am just happy to be where I am right now.<P>Here's the update for anyone following my story:<P>D-day was 2nd week in April. Found MB just after Memorial Day, immediately went to plan A. Went to plan B on 6/4. Screwed up on 6/18 and went back to plan B until 7/9.<P>So, H came over Monday as you know and started talking about reconciliation but wasn't quite there yet. I know it was wrong, but I sent him an email yesterday that basically said sh*t or get off the pot. I wasn't going back to plan anything after our meeting on Monday (as you know I was on/off/on/off). I told him I knew I could find someone else if he didn't want me and that he was losing me and his family very fast, if he didn't do something about it we'd be gone. Yes, it was a kick in the pants (that's what he said he needed).<P>He called me yesterday and came over after the kids went to bed. He said I misunderstood, he DOES want me back, he is just too proud to admit it. Then he went "off the record", which basically means he is going to tell me exactly what he is thinking - no holding back - but that I didn't hear it from him (so I can't discuss with anyone else or nag him about it later). <P>He said he finally realized that what we had together, he can never have with anyone else (this is from plan B!!). He talked about ending it with OW, says he is going to do it, but it's very difficult. (She has been home 3 weeks now but they did not officially end it). I talked to him about the no-contact letter and he is adamant that he wants to call and talk to her - no face to face - but a phone call. I asked if I could be there, he said no. I tried to talk him out of it, but he insists this is something he has to do on his own and he wanted me to stop pressuring him about it. AND, he said since it was "off the record", he was simply telling me what HE was planning on doing, not working with me on the Harley plan.<P>So, I caved, said I understood, told him he had to not leave the door open and make sure he said NO contact at all. He agreed. I also told him what I needed was to be sure this woman wasn't going to come back into my life and fu** it up again, I babbled on, and he shut me up with a kiss and said he understood.<P>He also told me the reason he never went PA is because he knew deep down inside that it would really be over, I would never take him back (ScaredinNY, I'm sure you'll remember my posts on this and not taking him back). and that was not what he really wanted...<P>We talked alot. It looks very promising. He even said OW is working at his college in the fall (this I knew), he didn't know for sure if he could avoid her. He said he would transfer schools. I said, you may lose a semester you know (this is a HUGE deal, he's supposed to graduate next summer and it's been his goal for YEARS), I said I thought his family and working on us was worth it thought. HE SAID HE AGREED AND WOULD BE WILLING TO LOSE A SEMESTER!! That is so awesome, it is the first time in a while that I've felt more important than his schoolwork.<P>He stayed the night with me. I told him the other day that I didn't like him having sex with me then leaving, so after we had sex yesterday he stayed and cuddled me all night. FOR ME!<P>He said he wants to take it slow at first. He still has some mixed feelings (he was really beginning to dislike me before OW came along and she just magnified it). I tried to find out why, but he couldn't really tell me. He said he was embarrassed sometimes to go out with me because of the things I would say (I'm not a very good conversationalist). I told him he needs to tell me so I can work on it!! We'll have to talk more about that later. He just kept telling me I was getting ahead of myself (talking about the Harley methods and a plan) and not to pressure him too much. <P>My big problem now is that he's not a fan of the Harley method. He thinks it is too drastic. I told him, BUT IT WORKS, does it really matter? I have him thinking, but it is too early to do anything. <P>I am just happy to be where I am. I know the next step is an official no-contact, I'm working on it...<P>Thanks all for your support!!<BR>HbH

THat's wonderful news!!! My plan B didn't even last a full day before it took affect... so you're not alone in a short one .<P>Apparently the no contact issue can work when there isn't a letter written (that's going by responses I got a few weeks ago from fellow MBers about the issue). We're trying it that way here too. So far, so good.<P>As far as the MB principles go, of course they work! It is also hard for my H to understand them, but when I tell him they are what I need for ME to heal, it takes the attention off of him. We've been in recovery about 1 1/2 months now, and he's slowly coming around to it all (I share stories of some people on here with him, and he's seeming to take an interest in them).<P>You must be on cloud nine! I am so happy for you! Be sure to work on your list of things that MUST be done for your reconciliation (like counselling, etc). My suggestion on the no contact issue, is that to tell your H if his way doesn't work, then you want to do it your way.<P>That's it for now... gotta get the gang ready (I have a dr's appt in just over an hour). Hugs to you! and a few jumping jacks of joy to boot! <P>Karen<BR>

Good for you!!!!<P>This is wonderful news.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Wow, what a change?!?!?! I am impressed, happy for you and cautious. But not as cautious as I have to be. <P>Yes, Harley's plan may appear drastic. Isn't what you did? Kick him in the pants? That was drastic. <P>Let him know your MB friends are pulling for both of you and wish you a good recovery. MB way or not, for the right way that is the best for your family. Nice to hear those words - your family. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

Wow. I really rambled on this morning, I'm surprised you guys could understand my post (I re-read it and only slightly understood it myself). I just had to post before I left for work because I was so excited.<P>He did agree to counseling for himself. I think this is mostly for anger-management with the kids, but I'm HOPING somewhere in there they can discuss his depressions. (but I didn't pressure him right now). He asked if I could make the appointment (he is not around during the day to do it right now).<P>He has also agreed we need a plan for reconciliation between us. BUT, he's not thrilled about talking to Steve on the phone. He wants to see a regular marriage counselor in person. I don't really want this (unless I can find someone around here that adhere's to Steve's principles... hmm...)<P>I don't want to push. He says he wants to live at least a couple more weeks on his own (no OW, not at home with me). I think he is trying to find himself in all of this. We got married right away and neither one of us ever lived on our own. I think he wants to prove to himself that he CAN do it. I told him, I'm find with this, as long as I can be sure OW isn't going to come back in and screw everything up. He said he understood.<P>I guess the most exciting this is that I'm getting my old H back! (the pre-fog one!!). The things he says, the way he acts, is just SO different. He even said yesterday that he really missed spending time with me and doing fun stuff. I said, me too, I just want my best friend back. He said, where'd he go? I say, well he turned into this horrible slimy creature for a while, but he's starting to come around now. We both smiled and laughed. It felt so good. He said he doesn't understand how I could ever want him after what he's done, I said I don't know either - but I do.<P>Thanks Topie, your advice and pure happiness for me means so much! Good luck at the doctor's today. LOL.<P>Zorweb, Orchid, thanks for being here for me. I know it's a long road and I need to be cautious. Today, I am just happy though, I can be cautious tomorrow... <P>

HBH - good work!<P>Please, keep your expectations in line and GO S L O W.<P>The fog is clearing, I think, but remember, it's not likely to clear without momentary relapses. Believe me, I have high hopes for you - I'm just being cautious for you, too. This is not simply a cheering section! <P>WAT

I am so happy for you!! It's a big step forward - there is no doubt about that, and although you still have a lot of issues to sort out, things are sounding much more positive.<P>As WAT said, take it slow - steady, firm, careful steps forward, and if either of you happens to take a few steps back, you'll have to wait for them to catch you up again. You know it can be done!<P>hugs, Paint.

Hurt I'm very happy for you, I really am, this is wondeful news!<P>If I were you I would lay out the ground rules you want now. That is something that if I had known about this site I would've done. Do you want to follow POJA and radical honesty, counseling, no contact, all the ground rules you need for you to recover, now is he time to throw them on the table and get a firm and enthusiastic agreement before going forward full blast, as much as I know you want to. It took me almost 4 months to get them because of not doing it then. The ball is in your court again, stay strong for just a little more until you get the recovey plan in place. Congratulations!!<P>

I am so happy for you....<P>and as everyone has said...GO SLOWLY...<P>resist that urge to preach and teach...it's a strong urge...<P>I look forward to your 'happy' updates .<P>Cali

HbH...<P>Way to go, and ditto!! One lesson at a time!<BR>Give each lesson time to sink in and solidify with behaviors that make it work. Then slowly move on to the next thing. Keep us updated!!!<P>Trueheart

Hi Hurtbyhubby:<P>This really is great news....and it sounds so hopeful...and I just have one piece of advise to offer and that is to go into this recovery period with an attitude that the A really has changed both of you and you do need to commit yourselves to making changes....take it from me...coming home is just the first step and the others have to follow....but doesn't it feel wonderful to know he's on the road? <P>Wishing you luck...although I believe you create your own luck...I'm believe you can work this out...with MB and God's help.<P>Faye