I haven't posted an update in awhile and I won't get into a long-winded one here.<P>But, my W (WS) has slowly been coming out of the fog. Though she has yet to make a formal committment to me and us, she says she plans to come home and move forward but still needs some time and space for herself to resolve her issues.<P>W's counselor told W that she(C)is optimistic and told W to tell me to remain optimistic too.<P>Today is 4 months since she moved out....three months since PA d-day.<P>Anyway, I have been pretty good I guess in being upbeat and working hard to do my best to save this relationship but I find my enthusiasm flagging over the past week or so. <P>What do I do to get it back or will it come back once W commits totally to us?<P>This is so damn hard some days I just want to quit. But haven't.<P>The only way I have made this far is a day at a time...maybe that's what I have to keep doing.<P>Any thoughts or experience here? <BR><P>------------------<BR>Lord give me patience, and give it to me NOW!

<B>Elad - </B> I have been there in spades...Just hang in there and I think your enthusiasm will come back. What your counselor said to you and your W is extremely positive and I would hang my hat on that for now.<P>You've been going for four months now, I think you're good for a few more. These ups and downs are very normal in your situation. I went thru the same, ready and gung-ho to get the marriage back on track one minute, ready for divorce the next.<P>You are right, take things a day at a time. If it helps, sit down with pen and paper and write down the things you liked about your marriage and where you had potential for "greatness". Also write down what you like/love about your W. Add to those lists as you think of things and go back and read them when you feel discouraged. Don't know if it will help, but it might....<P>--DeWayne--

Plan A is hard... you know that. There is nothing that says you cannot take a break from it for a short while either. I'm not talking doing a mini plan B or anything, but just backing off for your own sanity. How you can accomplish this depends on your situation. Because plan A is about changing YOU, and becoming a better person... you have to admit, that sometimes that person needs a vacation to get their bearings straight again.<P>Hope this helps, or at least spreads some encouragement.<P>Karen<BR>

Thanks guys...<P>HP...It sounds like our stories are somehwat similar but, man I am not sure I could go as long as you. But---A day at a time.<P>Topie...thanks for your encouragement. You're right, we know it is hard. I've followed your story a little and like so many others here you are surely blessed for offering others help and encouragment while dealing with your own problems.<P>Thanks again...<P>E

Elad:<P>I don't know if this helps, but I'd give my toes to be in your position. I'm still early on in the process, but the thought of my W making any kind of progress... ah, it's too much...<P>You've come this far. Don't give up.<P>-zen

<B>Elad - </B>How much one can take is an individual decision. No one can tell you how long *you* should put up with this. All we can do is say that it *can* get better as long as you wait long enough. Sometimes "long enough" is a week, sometimes a couple or three years. Who knows?? There is no textbook answer to this.<P>I didn't think I could last as long as I did. I kept making mental ultimatums. Only one month, then another, then another...I guess I lucked out that I lasted longer than my W's fog...<P>Hang tough,<P>--Heartpain--

I know it is hard, and the rollercoaster goes up and down. We could be so happy if . . . Some days are better than the others, you are right one day at a time. Hope she comes home soon. hugs, aftershock

ditto zen<P>I don't mean this the wrong way - consider yourself lucky.<P>You can do it.<P>Good luck,<BR>WAT

Elad--<BR>You have been so supportive and encouraging to so many here...trust in your own words...<P>Most of all trust in God...Believe...<P>I am reading <I>The Way of Agape </I> and it talks about loving others as yourself...loving them as God would and for God....<P>As I've listened to others here tell me to go slow, back off, don't push...and I've been reading this book, my aha...my message from God, if you will, is to put it in His hands and trust that He knows best...<P>How to fix your enthusiasm? Find your trust, your faith, your belief...<P>Cali

Thanks again all for your encouragement and insight. I am not sure I would have made it thru these four months w/o you all.<P>W & I had a good night last night dinner and some good conversation... <P>We are still a long ways from *getting there* but I feel like we are still making progress, moving in the smae direction anyway.<P>But it still is hard at the end of the day when you walk into the house lock the door behind you and know that no one will be joining you. It's a very lonely and sad feeling.<P>One day (and night)at a time<P>Thanks again<P>E