Okay, I KNOW I should be happy. H seems to be coming out of the fog. He says he wants ME, he is going to do an official no contact with OW, is willing to go to counseling...<P>Ugh. But I am just waiting right now. I hate waiting. Since we last spoke he has been going non-stop between work/school, so I shouldn't feel too bad. He called yesterday and today for no reason, left a silly message on the machine (oh, just reminding you of something I said yesterday, if your plans change call me, etc.). I was at work.<P>I guess I am pretty upset that he wants to take it SO slow and stay out on his own for a while. I mean, he has like no responsibilities (only pays HIS bills, I pay the rest, no dirty diapers or getting up in the middle of the night), goes out all these places with his "new" friends (not OW), is out having fun and I'm stuck at home with the kids all the time. It's NOT fair.<P>He says he doesn't want me going out with him on Saturday and his friends, it's "too soon" he says. I'm going camping with the kids and to an amusement park on Sunday, but it's not the SAME, y'no?<P>I know all this will change as we start working on us, his school is over (one week left), he starts counseling (week after next), and his withdrawal gets better (oh darn! I bet it will start over at square one once he calls to do no contact with her - drat, he's already almost a month into withdrawal...)<P>It's just so hard to wait, knowing he's right there, I want to hold him, touch him, love him. But he needs his space and he needs to go slow...<P>I just get so mad that I have to shoulder all the responsiblities while he is having his space and "going slow", having his fun, getting out with his NEW friends who I don't know and who are all women. At least it's group outings, that gives me some comfort, and he showed me pictures of them all and I know I will meet them someday when things are better. Still - not fair, not fair, not fair.<P>But alas, I am still happy, I have stuff to look forward to and things are going much better. I'll just keep saying "I am happy", "I am happy", "I am happy".<P>Thanks for listening,<BR>HbH<P>

WHOA!! All of his 'new friends' are women??? Have you talked to him about this yet? Does he understand that you are NOT comfortable with that? I have to assume you are not, judging by your tone in your post, and considering why you're on here to begin with.<P>I think we all went through phases in our lives (prior to MB), which we told ourselves that we would NEVER ask our mates to end friendships with anyone, just because we didn't approve of them.<P>I personally, would not find that acceptable at all. If I were in your shoes, I would INSIST that those 'friendships' be severed in order for you to keep your sanity, and to heal, and to work on your marriage. The fact that these friendships have only been there recently and that you and he were together long before they were known to him... that should make the difference.<P>Confront him on this in a non-LBing fashion (as best you can) BEFORE the official road to recovery begins. That's what I did, and it has worked so far. I explained to my H that it's not that I don't want him to go out and have a good time with friends, but I cannot handle the thought of any friends being women.. not at this time. We made part of our POJA that contact between each of our friends, that were threatening to the other, would cease. I wanted it that way. How could I possibly simply TELL him to stop, if I wasn't willing to do the same? (I did not have OM in my life, not in a dating sense.). I used a lot of "I" statements... putting the onus on me... saying that it was MY insecurities that needed mending, and I needed his help in doing that. Addressing and following through with the 'new friends' issue was a sure way to help me, quickly.<P>Now that I've gone on and on on this... ... I should also mention that if you are okay with him going out with these new friends, and are sure that you will meet them, and be part of the 'saturday nights out', then great. If you can honestly handle that, then you are an EXTREMELY trusting person towards your H. I wish I could say the same for me.<P>Karen

Hi Topie. Thanks. Yes, it does IRK me. However, I am sort of used to it. Since we've been married, my H has made 1 male friend, 4 couple friends, and about 20 female friends (including OW) - 3 of those were lesbians (i.e. no threat). In the past, it was never really an issue, I trusted my H, he always introduced me to his friends, and he never went out alone with any of them (except OW - that should have been my clue), and I usually went out with him when there were group things. <P>When things with OW got out of control (they revealed their feelings), I knew within 2 days. My H has always been very honest with me, it won't take me long to fully trust him again. He hurts me, but he doesn't lie about it, I always know what he is feeling... I LIVED the hell of knowing every detail of the EA as it was occurring. Not something anyone should ever have to live through.<P>I will eventually meet his "friends", or we will move and we'll make new friends. I am not worried about a 2nd woman coming into the picture right now. I may in the future, but not now. My H does love to flirt, I know this, it is tough, I will definately need to discuss this before reconciliation can start. NO MORE FLIRTING or going out with woman (even in groups) w/o me there. <P>I'm not at the point where we can discuss this yet though... Soon, very soon.<P>Thanks for your support, yes I will deal with this as soon as I can. Can't be too pushy right now... My H is dealing with many things right now, OW just being one of those...<P>HbH<P>

Tough situation, but at least you can come here to vent! Hang in there girl <P>hugs, Paint.