Just got back from a movie and dinner with W and step-daughter.<P>W is acting horribly. I'm supposed to leave for NY on Monday and she's unable to wait that long. She is acting so crazy... just wants me out! out! out!<P>I asked if there is an ulterior motive; she says no, she's just going crazy.<P>What is this? She says she doesn't want to hurt my feelings, but..<P>zen

Zen,<P>I'm so sorry to hear this. She is so deep in the fog that she can't even be decent.<P>Does your stepdaughter know yet? This is going to be terrible. I doubt she has an ulterior motive. Remember, do not try to analyze fogese. There is no logic to it. She is probably nervous and falling apart. She is also being very selfish. Has no concept of the pain she is metering out. If you consider the source.. Moose Brain Worms, you will remember to not take it too much to heart. <P>I don’t even know what to tell you except that you are no bother at all. You are a special person who does not deserve to be treated in this manner.<P>You are no bother at all so do not apologize.<P>Z<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

{{{{{zen}}}}}<P>I'm so sorry. What are you gonna do? Gosh, this is so hard. It's not always a good idea to make major changes in the heat of emotional upset. Can she be rational at all?<P>Nell <P>------------------<BR>One faces the future with one's past.<BR>--Pearl S. Buck

This is exactly what my H has said. He said if he doesn't get out he will go "CRAZY". Those exact words. I feel like I'm going to go crazy to with the things they say and the moods they get in. It's like they have two or three different personalities. I feel like I'm in one of those dreams and I want to wake up. I feel tension when I'm around my H. I wish I could read my H's mind to know what is actually going on in there. You know this MB site has been wonderful. Don't make the mistakes I have by torchering yourself. Keep faith, and pray a lot. I'm at work sometimes & all of a sudden it hits me. I get weak so I go upstairs to our restroom, I get on my knees and pray. This may really sound stupid but this is the only thing that keeps me going. <P>My thoughts and prayers are with you.<P>LoveMess

zen:<P>You are in dire need of a foghorn.<P>Just got in from traveling, but wanted to say buck up and hang in there.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Thanks all for your replies... They really helped me through the night...<P>lovemess, thanks for the empathy... we're gonna get through this!!!<P>zor, no, our step-daughter doesn't know yet. The separation begins Monday because I am going out of town for a week. The following week I am staying in a local hotel, then the following week (Aug.1) I move into my apartment. She (step-daughter) is leaving to go to her dad's for a week the same day I leave for NY, then she'll be at her grandparents' for a week, so we're going to tell her when she gets back from that. It's going to be really really bad... there's just no way around it.<P>I was able to recognize my W's behavior last night as a fog-induced "anxiety" attack. She was basically obsessing over the fact that I had not made a reservation yet at the local hotel for when I got back from NY in a week... Her thought was that NEXT Sunday when I returned, I would come back home (God forbid) because I wouldn't have a place to stay. It was not enough that we had AGREED to this plan... She needed PROOF. Last night I told her that if I was in fact causing her this much discomfort, I would get my things for NY ready today (Sat.) and go stay with someone else for the weekend until my flight left on Monday. That gave her some pause. A few minutes later we were upstairs in our bathroom and she was upset; she's very unhappy overall in terms of her life and where she is. (I have learned to just listen and empathize - I did NOT explain how lucky she was to have the things she has.) I tried to be a sounding board but she just got angrier and asked me why I was staring at her (?!) I left the room.<P>Minutes later, she had calmed down and was going to bed. (I suggested that the two of them sleep together for this weekend.) She said that her life had once been on track and now she was so far off... She is afraid of the future, and money, and career, and feels she should be in a better place in life at this point. I just nodded and said that I really wanted her to get to that place as well, taking care not to say anything like "with me by your side" or such nonsense. That was it for the night.<P>This morning I got up early, made pancakes for the little girl, went to the gym, got back and she was still in bed. I took her some coffee, and she had to get ready for a party. While she was getting ready she said that I really didn't have to go for the rest of the weekend, that I should stay. We talked about last night and she said that she was very uncomfortable with the three of us going out like that; she repeated something I had said to her yesterday about how we are sort of deceiving our daughter... She said it would be different if we were going out like that a month from now, when separated, because the truth would be known. I gently reminded her that we have to be patient and we just can't tell her yet, the timing is bad, and in the meantime we just had to go last night for her benefit.<P>We had some interesting words about the OM. She is worried about bills (rightly so) and he is not willing to just pay them off anymore. Apparently the plan is that she is going to borrow from a bank enough money to pay the money owed to me in the separation agreement, plus enough to pay off all of our consumer debt. He is going to be the underwriter for the loan; he is not a co-borrower, as she will be the one making the payments, but he is responsible if she defaults, I guess. She is "mad" because he will not just give or loan her the money directly as he easily has enough to do so. He is unwilling to just give it to her as I guess there are no promises. She wants to take this step, then refinance the mortgage in her name alone, as outlined in our separation agreement.<P>She mentioned that I probably liked the fact that the money is going to be coming from a bank, not directly from him. She also said that this means if we get back together, there is no direct obligation to him. I said that if we ever get to that point, I will make sure that we owe him nothing and will have nothing to do with him. I also offered to help her with one outstanding debt that we have that is looming by giving her some money out of the total that I'm getting from the sep agreement. It IS out debt, and I'm willing to do this. Iasked her if I had the money, did she think that I would just give it to her, like he refuses to do... She said she thought I would... I didn't really respond, so she said, well, I guess I don't know if you would...<P>After this talk, she was rushing around getting ready, I offered to wrap the gift for the party and did so, etc, then she was out of here...<P>Whew! Just another go-round on the coaster! But no real LBs as far as I can tell, and you know what? In two days I'm going to be in the middle of Times Square! Man, I love NYC... I think we'll have some more interesting conversations before the weekend is through...<P>Thanks for reading... and for your thoughts... have a wonderful rest of the weekend,<P>zen

zen:<P>Well done, well handled. Go and enjoy NY. Enjoy some time for YOU. Then you can come back and work on your situation.<P>Say hello to Times Square for me.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Zen,<P>Sounds like she is poking her head ever so slightly out of the fog from time to time.<P>She is actually thinking of how things would work if the two of you get back together. Wow!<P>Z