I heard a talk today and learned an important lesson about the forgive and forget principle. So many (WSs included) try to say that if one forgives then they MUST forget also. <P>This is true. But what does it mean to 'forget'? The speaker brought out that in the Bible there is the account of King David who commited adultery with Bathsheba (the wife or Uriah - a loyal soldier). Now King David was forgiven by God for his sin. Yes, the child born out of this illicit affair died. But David was still forgiven. But was it forgotten? Yes and no. What does that mean?<P>Yes, it was forgotten in the sense that no further mention was made of this account in the Bible. No in the sense that this account was recorded in the Bible. For what purpose? These things were written for our instruction. A real learning tool. <P>The speaker went on to say that to forget actually means not to forget the act of sin but it no longer causes pain and harbors resentment. In other words, we have learned to work past it, we dealt with it and moved on. <P>Now for many of us, this A stuff is relatively new. The hurt stings us. Like trying to get the bee that stung us we relentlessly go after the one who caused the hurt. We find it and grind them into the ground. Warranted? Maybe but some of us don't stop there, we now go look for the rest of the bunch. This is called stirring up contention. We want to make everyone's lives miserable. This is not healthy. <P>Then the speaker brought out we need to learn when to forgive and when not to. We should not feel forced to forgive. God does not forgive unrepentant sinners. Yet some of us hold onto our anger by waiting for an apology from an unrepentant one. This is devasting to ourselves and those around us. Then he listed 5 points to help both the sinner. <P>1. They need to want to change. <BR>2. They should pray.<BR>3. Need to meditate on God's way.<BR>4. WS not make a big deal<BR>5. Both WS and BS, treat others better. <P>Wow, I thought this info was great. I just wanted to share it with you. There were scriptures that went along with these points also. <P>L.<BR>

Yes! Yes! Yes!<P>I told someone on another thread that I thought it would be much like the memory of my miscarriage in 1997. For a long time I still felt the 'pain' of it, but now 4 years later, I can feel only the memory of the pain...<P>Also, did you read my reply to you in my thread about 'unconditional' love?<P>Cali

Hi Cali,<P>Yes I just did. <P>L.<BR>

Have you read the MB page on "forgive and forget"? It has some of the same concepts. Additionally he discusses that the WS needs to compestate the BS for the infidelity. It was an eye opener. <P>Thanks for the post Orchid.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5042_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5042_qa.html</A> <P>Z

King David did not commit adultery. The interpretation put on this relationship is not correct Beersheva was divorced at the time from her husband as was every other Israeli woman whose husband went to war. The reason this was done was so that the woman would be able to remarry if her husband was lost in battle and his body was not recovered. <BR>So technically King David did not commit adultery. However, he may have manipulated the situation so that Beesheva's husband was send into battle and as a result had to give his wife a temporary divorce.

Max,<P>I respect this site for it's concepts related to marriage. <P>I will diverse this time to continue on this point. The supporting scriptures indicate that King David knew he commited a sin. 2 Sam 12: 1-14 indicates that Bathsheba was referred to as the wife of Uriah. David does admit in vs 14 that he sinned against God and that God let his sin pass but not without consquences. Israelite soldiers did not have relations with their wives while in duty but they were still married. Also, Uriah was already in battle when this affair began. Uriah was setup to be killed after Bathsheba found out she was pregnant. <P>L.

Z,<P>Thanks for the thread. I had read it before but forgot the details. We should be referring this type of info more often. <P>Thanks again,<BR>L.<BR>

Wow, those are very good, very inspiring, encouraging words. I think God is able to forget by blotting our slates clean after we confess our sins and ask Him to cleanse us.<P>People can't always forget, tho we try to forget, and through much prayer, God removes the sting from our wounds as well as the wounds we have inflicted upon others. <P>When a child is produced as a result of an A, the OP simply cannot forget the pain they created for the OC's life AND for the BS!!! Not to say that the child is not loved nor wanted by the mom/OW, but forgetting is not an option, if you know what I mean? I had an abortion as a teenager and I forgave myself, after receiving God's forgiveness, but it's difficult to forget when I'm asked about the # of pregnancies when I go to the doctor for annual checkups. I have a grown son from an A before I got married--he was married--they chose not to be involved so there are many many unanswered questions in my son's life although God has secured my son in His love. You know?<P>This was my reason for coming to the MB site--to encourage people that they can move forward no matter what they are facing. & to share that we cannot underestimate God's ability to take care of HIS creation.<P>We remember our sins, but we learn how to forgive ourselves and God allows us to take what we learned through our painful experiences and help others get through.<P>Between God's promise of blessings and His provision of those blessings lie all of life's problems!

David did arrange for Uriah to be at the front of the lines, where it was likely for him to be killed. Bathsheba became pregnant by David...she lost that baby. But their other child, Solomon, was shown favor by God. In the separate lineages of Jesus related in Matthew and Luke, one lists Solomon, the other lists Nathan, also a son of David & Bathsheba. <P>In addition, Bathsheba's grandfather (I think Ahimilech?) who had been one of David's most trusted advisors, became one of the dividing forces in the civil war of David's kingdom, because he did not forgive David for shaming Bathsheba and their family.<P>So, sin forgiven, may still have consequences and actions taken as a result of it, both positive and negative.