Hi, I'm still plugging away at this Plan A thing, but after 2 months of hell I am wondering how long I can hold out. My question is this...<P>Can PLan B have a negative effect on the situation if it ends up in divorce? A big part of my Plan A has included letting my husband decide when he has the kids and when he doesn't, and running to the rescue when he is supposed to pick up the kids and can't because he has to work late. I always thought this would look good to the judge, if it came to that. Now that I am condsidering Plan B I am wondering if that could be used against me. Would the judge look at this as me abandoning my children and not doing what is in the best interests of the children? Has anyone had this backfire?<P>Thanks for your help! Heck<p>[This message has been edited by heckofagal (edited July 17, 2001).]

Does your husband have the children most of the time? This is unclear from you post. <P>I suggest that you see and attorney to get their advice in this matter. It will vary from one jurisdiction to the next. <P>It is healthiest for your children if they have a set schedule so that they do not feel jerked around.<P>Z<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

No my H does not have the children most of the time. 2-3 days a week. He has spent some time here at the housse with all of us too. <P>I spoke to a lawyer (mostly to find out what I could expect for child support), and she said the judge would recommend that my H have them every other weekend and then 2 evenings through the week (not necessarily overnite). Since my kids are so young (5 & 2)she said the judge would push for as much involvement as possible.<P>My H's job requires a lot of hours, and sometimes odd hours. He works 2 out of 3 weekends and sometimes doesn't get off until after the daycare is closed. We will never have a set schedule with his career. This has been a major problem in the marriage as well. I have asked my H to consider changeing careers many times, but he is not willing too. I don't understand why he is so willing to give up his wife and family to try a new woman, but is not willing to look for a new (possibly better) job to save his marriage and to finally have a life!!! (Of course OW is a co-worker!!!)<P>Thanks, Heck

I think you're wise to think of this. My recommendation is to prepare your Plan B letter along the lines of others that have been posted here which are generally along the lines of the one in SAA. Share it with us if you want, then show it to your attorney.<P>If it's a typical Plan B letter, there will be nothing in it that suggests you're abandoning your kids - the opposite should come across, that you're doing everything possible to preserve your marriage. I see no downside, but I'm applying rational sense which is not necessarily what the court will apply.<P>WAT

Hi. If you could somehow work out a schedule of some sort before your plan B letter, that would be best. Try it and see... Otherwise, you'll have to have contact (or use a 3rd party) to figure out who has the kids when...