As you probably read my last post my H called me at 4:10pm yesterday, said he was staying at OW house. OW works from 7pm- 3am. My H works 11pm-7am. I drove back to see our twin girls, they were staying at grandma's because our sitter is on vacation this week. When I got home H left me three voice mails. He said he rescheduled his counseling appointment for Monday, July 23 at 1:00pm because he had court today. He called a couple more times wanting me to call him back on his cell phone. When I got home he called me back which was 11:00pm. We talked good. I said I love you he said it back. Around 11:30pm a Police Dispatcher who works with OW called to see how I was doing. She is worried about me losing weight & not sleeping or eating well. She said OW is really including H's name now in her conversations. She say "H" says this or "H" says this. Then she said if I had a dime for everytime "H" said this I would be rich. Then H called her at work. Then called again but OW son talked to OW first then my H. This dispatcher knew my H was there with her kids. This hurts because I can understand that he doesn't want to be home but why couldn't he have driven back to see his children and staying there until it was time to go to work????? My H keeps telling me when he stays at OW house that I can't leave, can't call or tell anyone...meaning his parents. He warned me again last night. He keep saying "Here me" <BR>Why should I not say anything to make him feel more comfortable with what he's doing. <P>Lovemess

LM, <P>Wow...talk about your double edged sword!! He makes you feel as if he really cares, and turns around and sets it up to control the situation so he is comfortable and if you do anything against what he says, you immediately LB and push him towards where he is already spending his *other time*.<P>He really is deep in fog, but with the illusion he has complete control. You are definitely between a rock and hard place. My best suggestion would be to set an appt with Dr. Harley. My first reaction, which I have been told is too aggressive (yes, I am a football coach...LOL), would be to not make things so easy for him. He gets to do whatever he wants, but you cant talk about it because he knows its wrong and would be embarrassed and maybe even chastised for it. So, that may not be best (snl...Im learning...hehe)<P>I am not sure what to advise, because right now, I would be inclined to LB him...are you in Plan A right now?? What steps have you taken?<P>Trueheart