IF my H decides that he wants to be with me....and I say only me because I know he wants to be with out daughters but says I'm the only thing that keeps him from being able to do that.......and I say IF because I'm not really sure that there will ever be a chance that he will want to.....not sure that when is a factor here.<P>Anyway.....IF he decides he wants to be with me......I think it would be a good idea to ask him to move in with his parents for a while IF they reconsile. I want him to reconsile with his parents first.....because they WILL always be his parents and there is nothing he can do about that. They NEED a relationship with thier son....but aren't willing to accept that he doesn't want to be with me. The don't believe him when he says he doesn't love me....and everything else he says really. They are grieving like their son is actually dead.....he pretty much is too them.<BR>I don't see either one of them giving up any time soon though....they are all bullheaded.<BR>I wish that my WH could see the state that his father is in. He rarely ever smiles anymore.....his health is getting worse....and he misses the realtionship with his son something fierce....I can see it in his face when he looks at our daughters.<BR>I'm rambling again....sorry....it just makes me so sad.<P>I'm having a bad day today....thinking too much.....trying to analyze everything again. Everyone is telling me that he will crash and that he WILL want to come back to me. I can't believe that.....I want to....but can't. Not with everything that he has said.....in my head.....it's over.....my gut tells me that something is going to happen soon and he's going to want to come home.....but will it be like the last 2 times he's came home....him not trying....wanting everything his way and all that.<BR>Will he commit 100%?<P>I remember something he said to be last Friday night on the phone.....got me to thinking.<BR>I said....you have the life you want now. He said....how do you know that.....maybe I don't.<BR>I said....I know....you want to be with your daughters....but you don't want me to be their mother....you want it to be someone else.<BR>He didn't say anything to that....he usually says.....you're right....you are the only think keeping me from being with them all the time.<BR>Seems to me that he isn't saying these things as much anymore for some reason.<BR>I just want it all to end.....to go one way or the other.<BR>He pretty much told me that he wasn't going to file for divorce....not outright....but in so many words.<BR>He either won't because he's decided that he doesn't want to.....or because I won't talk about the list and he's afraid I will take him to the cleaners.....but no matter what....we aren't divorced now and it's not stopping him from doing what he wants anyway.<P>So....all in all...is it a good idea to not let him walk through the door until he PROVES that he is ready to make it work.......make him stay somewhere else until he can prove that she will be out of the picture???????<P>I hate days like today!<BR>

Hi, MP! I believe that it is not a good idea to let him come back home until he has made certain steps, especially with his history of twice coming home and then going back to old habits. I have my conditions ready and wiating for whenever my H is. There have been some really good posts lately in which some good advice has been given about not "letting them come home too soon". I may go and try to search them and come back with what I find. I think a "no-contact letter", is a must, and a commitment to counseling. I think it's important to welcome them back into our lives - that's one of the points of Plan A: to create a non-threatening environment for them to come home - but sort of cautious at the same time. "I'm so happy you want to work things out with me! I love you!"...not in the same breath.... "Because of the pain you have put me through all these months / weeks, and the things I have learned that will be neceassary to make this work, I need 2 commitments from you. This is to protect both of us from further hurt and pain." you know, honesty, care, protection.<P>Just my thoughts - I will go search a few things. Hopefully youll get some more responses. Have you looked under Just Found Out forum, NOtable POsts/Threads, for some posts that look like they may answer your question? Anyway, I'll see what i can find. It's a good question! <P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28