Well today I came home from work and there was a message on my answering machine from the phone co. stating that my H had called to have the phone taken out of his name and changed it to mine. I was so pissed!! I wasn't going to call him but I did. I was really quite cool about the whole thing. I just ask if he had called to have the phone switched and he said yes, I said okay I'll take care of it and was about to hang up when he said is this the way it's going to be between us you won't even talk to me and I said YES, this is what you wanted, it's to hard for me emotionally. He said okay and we ended the conversation. I also went to the Drs. today and cried my eyes out I've lost 21 lbs. I told him that I feel fine for a few days and that I'm emotional,can't eat,difficulty sleeping so he gave me some meds. Very low dosage. I hope it helps. Tomorrow I see the atty. I just want to feel better and not feel so unbalanced. I'm sure there are some who can relate. I'm just feeling a little sad now but I know I will feel better. <BR>Cybil

{{{HUGGGGGGGGGGZ}}}<P>I dont have the words to take away the pain that you must be feeling cybil.<P>Hang in there and see the sun tomorrow!!!<P>Trueheart

I know, Cybil, feeling blue. I wish I could send you some happiness ~ sigh ~ I wish I had words to take all that pain away. It is terrible to go through this. How long total have you been in any plans?<P>Wish I could cheer you up. aftershock

I wish I had great words to comfort you, All I can offer is this. I took the time to read your post, You mattered to me enough for me to read it twice, and when I was reading it the third time I decided to tell you that you mattered to one person today, even if you felt like you did not make a difference you have.

trueheart,aftershock,alexy big thank yous!! It's nearly 4am and I couldn't sleep so here I am. It means so much I'm sure you all know that we have each other to help us through this terrible time in our lives when our spouses the ones who committed themselves to us aren't even here. I really really really hate my WH right now. I feel as though the loving feelings are becoming less and less as time goes on and the resentment is getting stronger. I continue to pray for courage and strength for myself and my children and of course everyone here at MB.<BR>Cybil

cybil,<P>I am sorry you are hurting and I understand how you feel. I had to fight off the temptation of calling my wife this am to tell her I miss her. It is so confusing when the one you have come to rely on when the chips were down is now the source of your frustration. I can't call my wife for reassurance because I know she cannot give me any. She doesn't know what she want for herself.<P>I am finding the best therapy for me is to keep busy doing things. I run, take walks, bicycle, write in a journal, take the kids to the Y or to a movie. It starts adding up money-wise but dammit I am worth it. You are too!!<P>Now get up and get moving! I know even for me it is a temporary fix, but each time I do it at least it is a few moments away from the pain. I don't know if you have a safe neighborhood, but even at 4 am it is more therapeutic for me to get moving than to fight myself trying to fall asleep.<P>I know how hard it is. Where will you and I be in five years (or less) from now? Better off, one way or another and we will look back at these days a stronger, wiser person.<P>Go now, move! Exercise stimulates endorphins in the brain that make us feel better and stronger.<P>Take care cybil. God is with you.<P>modelt<P>

modelt thanks for the support! Today I was feeling pretty good until I went to the atty. and found out that I am basically screwed financially! This really sucks and there is not a damn thing I can do to change any of it except change myself and be strong for my kids! The OW that my WH is seeing (of course he denies it) is also married. Her H knows nothing and I have tried everythng to contact him but so far nothing has worked. She is a real evil B**** and has her claws into my WH big time! How coud he turn his back on his family? At this point I think he's scum!!! She's the one living the best of both worlds has my H and her H too! What a B****!! I keep telling myself things will get better for me that I don't need him anymore. I'm really trying hard to Plan B I haven't had any contact w/him in almost 6 days unless it's something pretaining to the kids and he calls. I know that keeping myself busy is the medicine right now and I'm trying to do that also thank goodness for work but somedays that's even hard. I keep telling myhself that the Lord won't put any more on me than he knows I can handle! <BR>cybil