Hi, all--<P>First of all, thank you everyone for your care and advice. It really helps. As for the update, I would say I am actually doing worse as this is beginning to sink in and really hit me. I was supposed to go to Nantucket today for a long weekend with some girlfriends, and backed out, claiming "having problems." What I realize, is that this has stripped me of my friendships in a sense as well, b/c I am not myself at all, my friends know it, and yet I can't tell them.<P>Anyway, my husband is still very ashamed and repentant. Sickly enough, he seems to be the only one who can help me feel at all better, and yet I hate him so much right now. I am just one confused mess. I haven't talked to my sister, but her friend who she is visiting has been e-mailing me and been supportive. She told me that my sister is devastated that she has done this to me, that I am the important person, aside from her son, in her life, and that she wants so much for the 2 of us (meaning me and my husband) to work this out.<P>We are going to counseling tonight, and I am meeting with a former supervisor for lunch and counseling tomorrow. Can't eat at all and want to drink A LOT!! ) Little attempt at humor but I mean it.<P>Thanks again.

So glad to hear you're able to get to counseling so soon. I wish my H and I could go more often. You and your H and, yes your sister too, are all in my prayers.<P>Kari

Stay strong AMY!! You can do this and get through this. Time is a huge factor. It has only been a few days...it will hurt for a lot longer. Stay together and cry and yell and all that but keep yourself together!!!

Hey, Amy... I've been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing. I was about to post to you and ask if you were out there lurking somewhere. I know its not much, but you do sound a small bit better today. I understand what you are saying about the pain and how your H is really the only person who can help you through this right now. I remember feeling that way even though I was so angry and hurt at him. Right now I would concentrate on him, and deal with your sister later when you're feeling a little stronger. You've got two very fresh hurts to deal with. I'm so glad to hear you're going to counseling. I hope you find a good counselor... He/She can be very valuable at helping you sort through this. I also think it is normal to not feel ready to tell friends. It took me a long time too. It almost makes it more real and painful to say it out loud. It sounds like you've gone on the infidelity diet I know it girl. Try to force yourself to get something down so you don't start feeling ill. I used over the counter sleep-aids for the first few weeks when I couldn't sleep. <P>Ummm...... what other things do I wish someone had told me early on? The pain and confusion will ease. Allow your husband to comfort you as hard as it can be. It sounds as if he is repentant and it will help in the recovery if you lean on each other. Expect to be angry at some point...but be careful not to say things that will haunt you forever. Give your husband some concrete things to do that will make things better. Send him to the bookstore to get "surviving an Affair" and "His needs, Her needs" by Dr. Harley. Let him take care of the house, let him cook you dinner. Go for a walk. Post here about your feelings...get it out. <P>Good luck with the counseling. See the link on this site that gives information on finding a good one.<P>Thinking of you and praying for you,<BR>Jen<p>[This message has been edited by JenniJ (edited August 02, 2001).]

Hi Amy, <P>I am sorry you are feeling so bad. Could it be that you are experiencing anxiety attacks? They can be mild and build up. I do not want to alarm you but if you are and can go to the doctor, he might be able to help you out. <P>For me, when I get those attacks (they have gone down but the last one sprung up 2 days ago), the one I needed was H. Guess where he was? Oh yea and OW took advantage of the opportunity to make me feel even worse. Told me that H & I weren't married, to leave them alone (I did not call her, I paged H thinking he was at work - yes it was early in the morning but he does get up around 3 - 4 am). <BR>What I wanted and needed was for H to help me through this attack. He has done it before and knew what to do. Since OW has leaning heavily on him (she is bigger than him), he was 'stuck' between a rock and a hard place? LOL He could help me so I had to suffer it out alone. It was hard. <P>So if it is anxiety attacks, can your H help you out? Also, I had some help from 2 great people on the d/d board. I posted this thread several times about 5 stages of grieving. I can post it here if you'd like, but reading that helped me see that my healing could be better managed in steps. Kevin and Dana really helped me at a very critical time. <P>Though the attacks still come, my recovery is better. I am still a bit shakey but getting stronger. Which ever way my life goes at this point (married or d), I know I will be able to survive. <P>Let me know if there is more I can do. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<P><BR>

amyz,<P>thanks for the update. You've been in my thoughts and I want you to know this. Give it timee. You're going to need strength and the biggest heart you can find. But you can do this. I know you can.<P>I'm thinking of you tonite, take care<P>Freddy<P>