I'm confused.<P>My W keeps telling me that she wants to try to make this work. Yet, she does not feel that she should be accountable. She does not feel like I should ask her if she has been in communications with OM. Her version of trying at this point is in her words, "to take things one day at a time". That is as long as I don't ask her what she is doing, where she is going, or who she has been talking to. Yesterday she accused me of being obsessed with us and that all I ever think about is us. Well what does she expect? She has turned our family's lives upside down. Instead of building a brand new house in the country, I am in an apartment, she and our four children are living with a girlfriend and her two kids. <P>In my opinion, if she truly wants to try, she should be accountable and not be bothered by me asking questions. I asked her yesterday if she talked to OM. She paused before saying no. She then told me that I seem to think that we are like the couple in SAA, but that she isn't to the point of wanting to answer me when I ask if she and OM are communicating.<P>I am getting to the point where I my patience are running thin. I am starting to wonder if I still love her enough to get by this whole thing. <P>We have counseling tonight, maybe something will come out of it.<P>S&C

Well, try not to let this attitude problem shatter your hopes and dreams for good. You can still build your dream house, with or without...<P>In the meantime, you have to turn over this battle to the Lord. Right now you sound like you are simply too weak to carry the burden of it all. Just let it roll off your back.<P>Sometimes when I'm worried about my marriage, I just have to turn it all over to God and let Him worry about it, just so I can function and get through the day in peace. My heartfelt prayers and well-wishes are with you today.<P>Your wife has a point--one day at a time, but I would take it even further and say just try to get from one moment to the next and keep giving it to God--all the questions, all the negative thoughts, all the wondering, just turn it all over. Let it all be God's problem. Let Him be the one on the line here. Then watch and see what HE will do!! He will work it out, you'll see?! Keep the faith!

BTDT,<P>I think you are probably right. I am out of things to do and this is really starting to get at me emotionally. My W is right - I do focus on this every waking minute and I am beginning to see its negative results on me mentally.<BR>

SaC<P>You desperately want your wife to stop contact with OM. <P>She has not agreed to that, nor does she seem to want to end the relationship.<P>What good does it do to question her about her contact with OM? Except to drive you insane with wondering? <P>I guess you're hoping for the day that she is apologetic, remorseful and trying to regain your trust. But you simply cannot make that happen. <P>If she's still willing to go to counselling with you, take that as a good sign she hasn't made up her mind about leaving you. Use those oppotunities to the best of your ability. <P>Asking her about continued contact is a LBer. And you probably won't get the truth anyway.<P>If you feel like you are losing love for her, isn't that a sign that its time for Plan B?<P> <P>

Lexxy,<P>You are right about Plan B being in the shadows.<P>As for my W and her communications with OM. She has told me that she has asked for the communication to stop so that we can work on our marriage. She even came down to my office to make the phone call. <P>Do you think she did that just to appease me?<P>S&C

I feel the same as you. I think about it every minute of every day - even when I sleep! I have cried for 77 days straight. I think I'm dehydrated from it...<P>But this behavior is destructive. If this continues, we will drive those we care most about away. How can they feel any love for us if we are constantly concerned only about our own feelings. We can't even help them through their issues when we feel so threatened. To them, it looks like we are being selfish. It's a vicious cycle - we have to break it. I am going to try some anti-depressants. I hope it works.

Smile,<BR>I think you are absolutely correct.

Smile,<BR>I think you are absolutely correct.

Gosh Sad I used those same words with my husband. "I'm not comfortable talking to you about whether I am communicating with OM"<P>And I was in contact with him all along. I let my H believe that it had ended. My H was never in my presence the way you were at your office. But during a fight, he was telling me I COULDN'T talk to him anymore...it just had to stop. (I didn't agree...I just sort of didn't respond) He took that to mean that I would stop. A few days later he asked me if I talked to OM. I yelled at H..."you win..I'm not talking to him..he's angry at me now" (that never really happened - I just wanted H off my back)<P>After that I would be evasive, or just tell H that I wasn't comfortable talking to him about it.<P>So to me, it sounds like your wife is still in contact with OM. Otherwise why wouldn't she emphatically deny it???? Why wouldn't she try to set your mind at ease???? What does she gain in your relationship with the answer she gave you?

Lexxy,<BR>You are correct I am sure. If she is still communicating then I am done trying on my end. Yesterday, I bought her flowers for her first day of school, today I went down and bought her a lab coat, and told her that I would give her the computer for her homework. And she can continue to take these things and still keep it up. Well maybe she can, but I can't. I will find out tonight if she is still in contact.<P>S&C