Brief background to those who don't know my history:<BR>Separated 2 mos ago after S had EA with unknown person. WS now says that we had 'problems' before this happened. Long story short, we are living in different states, no communication during last month except 1 email from her. She had EA's previously during our 9 year relationship(2 yrs marriage), and I always let her come back(my bad). Anyway, after not thinking about it for awhile, I've come to the conclusion that this can't go on, and I have to move on and stop my plan B'ing for good. Here is a letter I will send her tomorrow:<P>Hello xxxx,<P>After not thinking about our situation for awhile, I thought about it long and hard during my last flight.<BR>I'm glad I gave it some time, and I think I've come to a crossroads in my life. Things have been<BR>happening to me in the past few weeks that tell me that this split is a good thing for me. Sometimes<BR>I think what we want is not always best for us. I don't think I love you anymore. I thought this would be <BR>hard for me to say, but it is not, and for some reason I am not at all afraid of losing you(although you <BR>have already said I've lost you). You seem to think that my love for you is everlasting, and that whatever <BR>happens you can always come back to me, and I don't think that is a good thing. I should have never <BR>let you cross that line the first time, or I guess I should not have let you back into my life after that first time <BR>you left.<P>Please provide feedback before I send it out, as I believe after this is sent, there is no going back.

I am wondering what the intention of this letter is, what perpose does it serve???????<P>

I have the same question as jabber what is your intent with this letter? Are you telling her it's over? It's kinda harsh. You may want to reconsider sending this. <BR>cybil

Hey jabber and cybil...<P>My problem is this: Before we separated, she spoke to my friends wife, and informed her of her intentions. She basically said that she would move back home with her mom for 1 year, and then come back. She thinks she can leave me at any time and run away from dealing with our marital issues, and that I will always be here when she returns. She has done this 3 times in the past, and I've always accepted her back. I really think I don't deserve this any more, and I think I want to move on, and the only way she will leave me alone will be if I tell her I don't love her anymore. I know it sounds like a hurtful and harsh letter, but I think if I send it it will do one of two things: allow us both to move on with our lives, or make her realize that this time she will really lose me, and she will then want to work it out now. As much as I did love her and want to make this work, I really think that at some point you have to say enough is enough.

Indecision,<P>I understand your frustration!<P>What do you really want? In my opinion you should make up your own mind before sending this letter. Do you want things to work out? Then tell her so and what you need from her to accomplish this. If you want to break up, maybe you would like to tell her this in person and be fully prepared to go through with that decision. Tell her what you really want. I get the feeling you are trying to "threaten" her in a way. I might be wrong but if I am right that's not very honest. <P>I do understand that you are very frustrated and probably feel used and all the rest of it. But, please be true to yourself and do what you really want.<P>Good Luck!<BR>-she-

I guess I don't really know what I want, and that is probably the reason I posted the letter here. I do still love her and previously wanted to work it out, however, I really don't think people should have to put up with this(being used etc). The only thing I will regret is that I will never know if it will have worked out in the long run or not if I send this. However, I have given her so many chances already, and she has blown it each and every time. What makes me think this will change? that she will change?<BR>Yes, this time I would have her attend counseling with me so we could work out our issues. But will this really help?<BR>I tell you what, I'll give it a week and if I still feel this way then I will send the letter. If not, back to plan B.

Indecision,<P>Good for you that you are giving yourself some time to think this over. Meanwhile, consider reading the info on this site, and the books "Surviving an affair" (the Harleys), "After the affair" (Janis Spring?), and "Getting the love you want" (Harville Hendrix). Sometimes decisions are easier to make when you have more information and a better understanding.<P>Good Luck!<BR>-she-<P>

<BR> Decide do you want her as your wife or not. If the answer is yes tell her you are willing to do the work needed to rebuild the Marriage. If; the answer is no then tell her so and move on to rebuilding your life. If you decide you want her then the ball is in her court and you are in the waiting game, she must decide she wants you so the 2 of you can start the rebuilding process. The processs of recovery is long and painful but it can be done and a marriage can be stronger and better. I feel you hurt, Yesitcan! Work