Okay..<BR>In the inviting thread I made on August 30th<P>Topic: If your L U R K I N G . . . Its OKAY... Please read!<BR>( <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/012174.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/012174.html</A> )<P>I posted I asked the lurkers to come out and say hello. I knew that there were going to be many people say hi.. and there are probably a couple of dozen more still lurking. But for now.. I'm cutting and pasting the New Members situation here.. for help from the MBer's.<P>Although I am strong and determined to help each and everyone of these new people.. I can't do it all on my own.<P>Some of us have the capability to 'coach' these new people for a few days to get them into the MB spirit. I am calling on all of you MBers for help.<P>I titled this: New Memeber: (members name) [Original Post] Coaching Request.<P>Title denotes that this is a new member.<BR>Their name<BR>their original post quoted<BR>and <BR>a coaching request from the OT (Ole Time) Members.<P>So this is where you OT members come in. I suggesting a new process here.. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>TY for the welcome...<BR>I will come out of lurking to say Hello...<BR>I've lurked here for ever so long. Since early 2000...DDay was 12/99...<BR>I don't post here, as I belong to several other "help" groups, and I haven't the time, but reading has helped a lot...<BR>I'd bet there are MANY more like me - lurking, reading, gaining perspective...<BR>Hubby and I are in recovery. Doing well. It's been very hard. I don't totally agree with ALL of the MB principles, hence, another reason I don't post. But that does NOT mean that this site isn't helpful to me...<BR>Thanks Hubby...<P>mandm040<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Well Husband, <BR>I guess I'm not so good at turning the cheek all the time, and I feel that there are absolutely appropriate times to get angry and let your cheating spouse KNOW how you are feeling...ie: Love Busting or making definite withdrawals from the ole "Love Bank"...lol...I call it being honest, which is interesting, because Dr. H also speaks about the "radical honesty" issue. If I am angry with my spouse, and I respect him enough to be radically, honestly communicating with him, then I am going to share with him how I feel. That doesn't mean that being angry will turn into some huge fight or "love buster", but even if it does, the reality is that the anger is THERE, it is REAL, and it needs to be confronted and dealt with HONESTLY.<BR>I don't agree that humans are JUST born with the "normal human traits" of being "demanding, disrespectful, angry, annoying, and dishonest"...I believe there are other, very basic needs, like being loved, accepted, protected....etc.<P>Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be reading here for so long if I hated all of the MB basic concepts! lol...I DO agree with some of the priniciples too, like spending time in concerted ways with each other, and trying to creat "safe" methods of communication. I just don't buy into all the<BR>love busting stuff. I feel, deep inside of me, that it is<BR>belittling how I really feel, and denying those parts of me as a human being.<P>I also have to admit, I could do more reading on this topic.<BR>I haven't, simply because the ways we are dealing with the infidelity in our marriage is working - we are healing, and coming out stronger. Who knows, maybe I've employed more of the MB principles than I realize, and maybe I just don't like the "canned nature" of some the the terminology! lol...<P>Oh well, you asked for it...so there are some of my thoughts...<P>mandm040<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>So who is going start off Coaching this New Member?<P>------------------<BR>Semper Fi,<P><B>Husband2You</B><BR>*****<BR><I>···In the valley of the blind the one eye'd man is King···</I><P>· E-mail: <B>
husband2you@petroleum.org </B> · ICQ: <B><A HREF="http://wwp.icq.com/1206499" TARGET=_blank>1206499</A></B> · Formerly: <B>E m p t y</B> ·
