My h and I are separated - we are already a "reconciled" marriage - 6 years ago - we are high school sweethearts. I don't know all the "lingo" for this site - but it looks like I might get some hope and encouragement and good advice about what to do. this just happened in the last 2 months - he says he really cares for her - but actually wants it to work between us - just scared to come back to harry-ness. So he's spending more time with her - I go from "panic mode" to "apathetic mode" to "desperate mode" - which is where I've been mostly - I have probably lost 20 1bs. and weighed 125 to begin with! I did get some darn pills to calm my nerves - haven't had to do THAT in a long time - but am trying to cope - sounds like you've all experienced alot of the same things - God help us - what a painful painful place. I never knew. He went away with her this weekend - planned it a month ago - yet said he wants to let her down "easy" - next breath he says it'd be crazy between us again in no time if he came back. He's probably right - he is very confused - AND now alcohol and nerve pills (zanax) are in the picture. He is an recovered drug and alcohol addict - he is now slipping - don't know what to do about whole thing - but don't want DIVORCE! Help!!!!

pressing on,<P>Oh I'm so sorry you need to be here but you have found a great place for help. Lots of people here(unfortunately) in very similar situations, with the same dilemas and fears. <P>First, please read ALL parts of this site! Very important to be able to understand much of the advice and suggestions you'll receive. Be sure to include the "General Welcome" <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html</A> <P>in the Just Found Out forum. Alot of information you're going to need to maneuver over this site and formulate a plan to save your marriage.<P>There is hope to save your marriage, plans and strategies to consider. Counseling is offered and highly suggested. You're going to meet a great group of friends, very supportive and helpful. <P>And please, continue to post. Ask your questions, respond back to each poster after considering their advice or suggestion. Also read, read, read. Be strong and take care of yourself. You're not alone. <p>[This message has been edited by Nerlycrzy (edited September 16, 2001).]

Pressing On,<P>First, welcome to Marriage Builders. This is a place to share your pain and sorrows. With the tools here, you will be able to learn how to help yourself and your H (husband). <P>I would like to please ask you to calm down. Easy to say and very hard to do. You are feeling great anxiety right now, all this is really new to you and you may feel quite numb but reeling with emotional pain. In view of all this, I would like to share the welcome package and the listing of acronyms. We are all visitors here like yourself. <P>There are separate sites here for various needs (emotional needs, divorce/divorcing, pregnancy/child, just found out, etc.) You have posted your question here on the General Questions II site. The people here are in various stages of dealing with their broken marriages. Some are the BS (betrayed spouse), WS (wayward spouse), MIL/FIL (mother in law/father in law), etc. <P>Here is the welcome package:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html</A> <P>Note: I just noticed that Nerlycrzy posted the same thread as this welcome package. <P>This will introduce you to the basic concepts as taught here by Dr Harley along with Steve Harley and Jennifer C.<P>The tools at this site, consist of questionnaires, books, write ups and phone counseling sessions. Those that have been here a while will share their experiences and insights which you can review to help you make decisions to help you and your family. Some of which may be painful. <P>Acronyms:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000557.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000557.html</A> <P>There is a lot to read here. You will also need to get some rest. Keep in contact with your doctor if you medication is not working. Sounds like you are already on the infideility diet. Like yourself I lost about 20 lbs and I am not that tall or heavy. <P>Take care and read, read, read...... Through your pain and tears, there is hope.<P>L. <P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited September 16, 2001).]