I'm sad for the things for I should have done and didn't, I hate myself for all the things I should have said and didn't and especially down because of all the things I should have been and wasn't. <P>My H is very intent on leaving next week and really believes that he'll be happier. Since I really have tried to accept his pending departure by not trying to persuade him to stay or trying to "educate" him on why he shouldn't leave, I think my whole self is grieving and experiencing devastating sorrow...I know MOM is going through the same thing this weekend and it's a very hollow and empty feeling. <P>Help me to get through this. <P>

I think this is normal part of the process, but you can't change what you did or didn't do, don't dwell on your mistakes learn from them and move forward and try not to repeat your mistakes that all you can do.<P>

Well, try to do some things that show extreme kindness to yourself--even pampering things. No sense in dwelling on how you could change things that are beyond your control. Consider yourself hugged. <P>You have to forgive yourself. You did your best. That was the best you could do. If your best is not good enough for someone, then they don't deserve you. When we learn how to do better, hopefully we then do better. {{{{{MORE HUGS}}}}}<P>What are your favorite things in the world? Could you just try to surround yourself with all those good things this weekend so you can make it through and feel like you really did something to treat yourself?<P>Buy a new book by your favorite author? If you love the beach, go to the beach and read your book? If you love ice cream, get your favorite cone and enjoy it! <P>Do you like facials? You could boil some water and add parsley. Then, set the hot pot it on a folded towel on the table, place your face over it and cover your head with another towel. Aaaaaah! The spa treatment right at home!<P>Then, you could give yourself a nice long bubble bath, then an awesome manicure and pedicure and add fun stickers with pretty colors. OR even use another color to make a stripe or design on one nail of each hand. Something different. Polish your toenails BLUE. What's up with all the neon nail colors anyway? Eh, try some! Why not?<P>Try a new hairdo? Put on some make-up. Whatever you do get out of bed this weekend, go out and get some fresh air! Exercise even helps!<P>Okay, now that you are all fixed up and pampered, treat yourself to a movie or something recreational that is your favorite. You won't even have to argue about what movie to see! See whatever you WANT to see! If you have kids, take them to see something funny to cheer you up...<P>Heck, you could even clip your toenails right there in the bed with no arguments!!! <P>I prescribe that you treat yourself to all your favorite things this weekend. Cheesecake always cheers me up. Have you ever tried tuxedo cheesecake at Cheesecake Factory?! YUMMM! Really go out of your way to be good to yourself. Sometimes we're all we've got so take it easy on yourself with those negative thoughts! You are special and you are worth special treatment. Too bad your H can't focus on your good points right now. Hang in there kiddo, you're gonna make it through the weekend, just take one moment at a time and deal with it as it comes.

(((Terrified))) I'm feeling SOOO sad for you. I wish there was a way to take away the pain. Just as you cannot educate someone who is determined to leave. Try to hold onto what all of us here know, IT'S NOT YOUR H. IT'S SOME ALIEN THAT HAS INVADED HIS BODY FOR A TIME. Now, how long that time lasts, and even whether the alien will ever leave, are still to be decided. Just try to be the BEST you you can be. It will make YOU feel so much better. Trust in God. Ask him to heal your heart and keep you strong. He's always, ALWAYS there for us. Here's a great one: When you say "I can't go on", God says "my grace is sufficient." I will keep you in my heart and prayers all through this next week. God knows the plans he has for you. Plans to prosper you and bring you great joy, not suffering. Stay close to God and stay close to all of your friends here at MB.<P>MOM