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<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>
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Hey OOOO - I think if you hug her in order to determine where she stands, you will be making a mistake. To find out where she stands, ask her. If you don't trust her response, you may have to resign yourself to not knowing right now.<P> To me, hug her because you love her, because that is the message you wish to send.<BR>Inteperting the response can easily lead to wrong conclusions.<P> My wife has just recently let me hug her. Before this, I would just stand close, maybe touching shoulders, because for me I needed to let her know how I felt without "pressure"<P> If your wife percieves your actions as a LB, it will raise her anxiety. Anxiety and intensity are the primary drivers of dysfunctional patterns in intimate relationships.<P> For what it's worth, my life is currently in shreds.<P> Dan
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OOOO,<P>really what do you have to lose?<P><BR>turning into a nag here,(<I>something my OS thinks I excell at</I>), [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <B>HAVE YOU CALLED STEVE?</B>
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<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>
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<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>
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OOOO,<P> Hug her for you, because you love her. Don't expect anything in return. Do not make it into something it isn't. Just do it and enjoy feeling person you love.<P> jd
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OOOO,<P>You know, & I think you really do but are afrid to hope, but your W sounds as if she is thawing. A few months ago I never thought I tell you that but think about it.<P>Go hug your W, you might be suprised, you might not be, or maybe you could work up to a hug.<P>good luck.<P>btw, I still think you need to talk to Steve, so that you will not get depressed, lose your love for your W or anything else.
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OOOO,<P>Hug her but don't make it long. Just connect. My W (WS) doesn't want physical contact and this could be a LB for her. BUT Steve told her to let it happen so she does a little more now. It was important that my counselor (Steve) told her this rather than me. Just a quick but firm hug to connect with her. Don't expect anything back in return. Make it a "hi, how are you doing" kind of hug. Any more than this or moving your hands [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] could make it much worse.<BR>SG
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<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>
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hug her [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<P>Fear of rejection?? I know... but don't you feel rejected already? Just prepare yourself for it. You might get pushed away or looked at funny, or worse. BUt I bet it would do more good than harm. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] hugs are wonderful - from friends, family, or anyone. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
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<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>
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OOOO - I vote YES, do it. Just don't make it a Bill Clinton-type hug quite yet.
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<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>
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OOOO,<p> Well maybe you can start something new here. Hug her for goodness sake. If it bothers you too much then just ask her if she would mind a hug.<p> You know, it is a very simple thing to do. Just tell her she looks like she could use a hug today. Then ask if she would mind. If she does not want you to hug her, then no harm no foul. It sure beats you beating yourself up over it. <p> That a hug could be an LB is something to consider also. (Sorry, but I had to say that. Which is why I say ask her)<p> jd
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