Hi,<p>Been thinking about this for a while. <p>Perception vs. Deception ....reality and how to react. <p>Here's a few examples:<p>1.OW says she is prego
Perception: Without proof this sounds like Ow is trying to pull a fast or fat one over the WS. <p>Deception: OW convinces the WS that she can give him the child he wants. <p>Reality: OW feigned prego (3xs)<p>Reaction: Ok, so let's say she is prego (hope not), please provide proof. Watch her pee on a stick, doctor's test/note, etc. <p>2. WS claims OW never lies. Is an honest and truthful person. Would never lie to the WS. <p>Perception: WS is a Foghead.... <p>Deception: OW convinces the WS that OW is the answer to all H's wishes and problems. <p>Reality: OW is actually H's biggest problem and BS wishes the OW would go away. <p>Reaction: BS pays close attention and sees many of OWs lies. Waits to inform the WS when he is in a more sane state of mind. Maybe keep a journal.<p>3. Ws says OP and WS are just friends
Perception: EA going PA soon<p>Deception: OP thinks no one knows. Ostrich syndrome. <p>Reality: Everyone within earshot knows. Neighbors, the neighbor's dog, the garbage man, the mail man, the teacher, the classmate, the co-worker, the delivery man, the bill collector (they might know even sooner), the cell phone company (for sure they know), the motel clerk (these guys cover over for those
A's - OPs/WSs are their repeat customers), your kids, your grandma, friends, relatives with a 6th sense,etc.<p>Reaction: Oh, if this OP is such a good friend, let's meet them.......<p>
So the same situation is studied and analyzed by most but for those in the fog they may be coming from a different direction (or planet). The purpose of this somewhat comical excercise is to show that our reaction (as the BS) may need to keep in mind the state of mind of our Wss we deal with. Carefully worded, the BS can sometimes let the WS walk away with some word, thought or phrase they can recall at a more sane moment. <p>See the WS is going to go off anyway, so give them the gift that keeps giving (or reminding), the resounding words of wisdom. Let it ring in their ears. You know like a song you can't get out of your head? Pick carefully what we say to the WSs, someday they may come back and replay our words back to us. Make sure it is not words we will regret saying.<p>JMHO [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ,
L.

Boy Orchid...you are on a roll...<p>Cali

Thanks Cali, <p>I have actually been thinking about this for a while. OOOO's thread motivated me more. You just gotta wonder how it is possible for such intelligent people to allow themselves to deceive themselves or deceive others. <p>The funny piece is that they think everyone thinks like them. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
ok, bumping this one up for more thoughts. <p>L.<p>[ October 30, 2001: Message edited by: Orchid ]</p>

"Just friends" right.<p>We don't go out and get our friend prego!<p>The fog is very thick.<p>Stay strong<p>SLH

Hi L - I follow your logic completely.<p>I'll try to find my old post where I postulated that WSs can't see because they have painted over all the mirrors in their lives. This helps explain why they attempt to pass off such ridiculous statements and rationales. They have temporarily lost the ability to be self-critical. They act like teenie boopers because they ARE teenie boopers - complete with most other adolescent behavior characteristics.<p>If I ever again get into my W's apartment, I fully expect to see pictures of George Clooney plastered all over her bedroom wall - including over the mirror.<p>[ October 31, 2001: Message edited by: worthatry ]</p>

Great vent Orchid.
The fog is another reason WS seeing that "that woman hasn't been attended to in a LONG time".. what? what about the wife you have at home? she hasn't been attended to either by WS, but WS lives only to "counsel" and help others.<p>OR, OW is "deeply in love with WS"(as stated to BS by WS , who encouraged that --WS doesn't want to hurt OW---Guess BS gets left in the dust again, huh?<p>Wouldn't you just like to shake them to sanity?
Throw cold water on them and get their attention or something?<p>AS BS I get tired of the "scraps of life". I'm glad its getting better though. WS has been much better since sending shirt, book, and no contact letter. I still ask him almost daily though if she has contacted him. I think he gets po'd about this, doesn't say so, but I need to ask.
Why is it when HE is in a bad mood that I'm the one who suffers? Is he changing his mind? Was it something I did? It puts me in a tail spin again and I can't stand it.
Know what? I wish the total tv networks, cable, and everything associated with tv would go berserk for a week. The radio can still be a communication media. I hate the tv, it is such a addicting thing. It distracts, makes him avoid, and uses up alot of time that can be otherwise productive.
Thank goodness this is a place to vent!!!
MIkkey

Hiya all,<p>Thanks for your input. Mikkey, that is what I wanted more info or thoughts on this perception vs deception stuff. I think writing it out helps us relieve some of the internal stress we tend to carry around. Possibly more than we realize. <p>L.