Dear BrambleR,<p>I read your story on NSR's Profile thread in "Just Found Out". <p>The last the thread says is your H and you were headed for D for certain, but I happen to know you two are in recovery. Can you tell me how your recovery came about (BR's story cont.)? You have an incredible story, Hon.<p>Hope this is okay with you, BR, I have attached a link to the "Profiles" thread for others to read. Located approx. on the 3rd page of this linked post.<p>It's an inspirational story.<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=000254<p>God Bless,
Jo

Gently nudged to the TOP.<p>You guys should really read this story.<p>Jo

Oh my. I didn't think anyone actually READ those things.<p>Heehee. Well, thanks. I don't really think my story is much different than anyone else's.<p>Crappy marriage leads to a crappy affair where the WS does lots of crappy things to the BS!!<p>The rest of the story is that our first court date was June 28th. My H came to me the night before and asked me to get the complaint dismissed, asked me what he had to do to move home, and offered to do the things that Steve Harley had told him to do 6 months before.<p>He stopped contact with the OW - well, she stopped with him. They were breaking up pretty fast when he came to me anyway - so I guess it doesn't matter who dumped who. She found out that he asked me to reconcile and she shut off her phones and never contacted him again.<p>He wrote a no contact letter that was refused by her.<p>He moved home August 1st after giving me access to all of his email, finances, voicemail, etc.<p>The second try at recovery has been completely different than the first. The first recovery was almost as bad if not worse than the affair.<p>The second time, genuine, made all the difference in his attitude. He chose it, and while we've had some very rocky times, we are doing OK now.<p>What happened?<p>His affair died a natural death. And I had been in Plan A while serving him divorce papers and getting on with plans for my new life.<p>I made lots of changes in myself - not for him, but for me. I started taking responsiblity for everything that was mine to take on. No more blame, no more victimhood, no more whining. Just getting up on my feet and facing life head on.<p>I should point out that while in Plan A, I still drew boundaries big time on several important issues, one of which was the kids spending time with their dad in the presence of the OW.<p>I absolutely refused, and in fact did kinda bully my H into signing a letter stating he would not take them to see her until after our annulment. Don't know if it would have stood up in court, but my attorney said get it in writing if I could, and I did. I never had to use it against him, but I had it.<p>My H liked my changes enough to be encouraged to try again after his affair ended.<p>Tonight I asked him what he felt about our relationship now...and he says that he is moderately satisfied but that he feels we are making progress, and that we are MUCH better together now than we have ever been.<p>So I guess thats the update to the profile.<p>I'm just stunned you actually read it! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))

Thanks for responding and filling me in on the rest of your story, BrambleR.<p>I thought it was interesting that Steve H. had basically told you the marriage was toast. I would guess he was concerned regarding your pregnancy and felt telling you that would be best for your health, no?<p>So, I have a question. How long total, from beginning of A (non-Dday) to end, did your H's A last?<p>Best,
Jo

Steve told me that my marriage was toast because although my H had stopped contact with his OW, he was running personal ads on the internet and actively dating - all the while pretending that he was exploring a reconcilitation with me.<p>He was meeting with Steve ONLY if I made the appts, and Steve requested repeated times that my H should show responsiblity by making the appts himself. My H also found 04850943 excuses as to why he couldn't fill out and return the LB and EN question forms to Steve. <p>My daughter was 4 months old at the time that Steve told me to go forward with my divorce a second time - so it wasn't health issues - it was that my H was doing severe emotional damage by constantly saying one thing, doing another, and emotionally and verbally abusing me anytime I complained, objected or wanted him to act like a married man.<p>His affair (EA) started at the end of Nov 99. He cut contact with her for our first recovery in Dec 2000. When I went for the divorce a second time in March 2001, he went immediately back to the OW. His last contact with her was July 1, 2001.<p>So roughly 18-21 months, depending on how you count it.