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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 223
M
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M Offline
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 223
Hello everyone,
I haven't posted in a long time, and now I am looking for a bit of help. Hoping for perspective and/or ideas...
I have two questions and would LOVE replies from anyone...
First, has any other WS felt (after withdrawal over) anger towards OP? About two weeks ago, I started feeling such anger that I wanted to call OP and give him a piece of my mind. I immediately told H about it and reassured him that I don't want to TALK to OM, just vent in his direction. I can't believe how I let him treat me and my family and it pisses me off!!! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] I just don't know what to do about it and would like to hear how others handled it.<p>Second, H and I haven't been intimate in over two years. Since before my A. Now we are at a point where that is going to become a part of our life again and I am SCARED. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] Our sex life became so hum drum before, and it was that way for a while, and even though emotionally things are MUCH better, I am still afraid. I find myself getting turned on when we are apart and I daydream, but then as soon as we are together, I let myself get scared. We are in MC and have addressed this a bit. I was just hoping to hear from anyone else who may have gone through this too. I feel like a freak...I LOVE my H but am afraid of intimacy... [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Anyone??

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 2,162
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 2,162
hmmm...anger is a natural response to a threat. Although it can often be misapplied, mis-directed, a control mechanism...etc. You did not provide enough information, but could be something bugging you, and should be addressed until you understand it.<p>1. You are angry cause you now realize om betrayed your trust. Was deceptive, a predator, and so forth.<p>2. You might be angry cause om abandoned you, after professing his love for you. Similar to #1 but not a predator, just a weak man who played with fire, and was not honest with you or himself.<p>3. You might be angry cause you were the predator, never was willing to leave your H, and facing that is much harder than blaming the om. (this would be displaced anger). It is very hard for anyone to admit to themself they were dishonest re love, and of course you would be obligated to apologize to om if this were true, and you may not want to do that, so easier to trash him, and soothe your conscience.<p>4. You might be angry at H, who is not meeting your en's, or resolving his issues, and rather than admit and face that, you turn anger to om.. (mis-directed anger).<p>5. You might realize (deep down) you really do not want to be married, and are fighting that. One time honored way to overlook differences is to make common cause against an enemy, the om in this case.<p>6. You might still feel vulnerable to the om, and are afraid if you had contact you would be drawn again, anger could be a premtive move on your part to resist this. But if true you really need to understand why you are attracted and what you should really do about it (as opposed to run away, or other forms of denial).<p>Anyways, just some food for thought. Why did you leave the om? Or did he leave you? Was he a good person? Or was he a creep?<p>[ November 17, 2001: Message edited by: sad_n_lonely ]</p>

Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 609
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 609
WLD,<p>Just a thought on your question #2. I believe in the articles section, there's one on sexual aversion with some steps to help overcome this "fear" of intimacy. Give it a read and try to practice the steps.<p>Hope that helps a little.
Kev


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