I'm starting to believe that my W has some kind of compulsion to contact the OM. She is allowing me to read the correspondence and she is slowly ending the A, but it seems to taking forever. She had a relapse and when to see him last weekend. She was planning to spend a week with him until I found out where she was. She can back and has been a total emotional wreck. She has since told her parents and close friends about the A. I also have told my sister and father (who when through the same thing about 18 years ago). She went to her therapist today and realized that she is just trying to hurt herself. To her it has little to do with me or him, but it's all about making herself feel miserable. She is trying and she is doing pretty well, but I'm just wondering how long this will drag out. I've been trying to keep on Plan A, but I'm becoming too wrapped up in that they are saying to each other. It is really starting to depress me. Any suggestions?<p>
Don't have to smile at me
don't have to talk
I'll that I ask is you
Stop and Remember
Isn't always this way
-- Yo La Tengo "The Crying of Lot G"

Hi, <p>Yep as hard as it is, you need to back off a bit.
This is all too painful for you. It appears to be affecting your stability and mental clarity. <p>If she is showing signs of ending it, it will take time. Patience is one of the hardest qualities for the BS to cultivate. <p>Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. Reread suriviving an affair. Talk to Steve H. and see you doc for some meds if needed. Your W is talking, this is good. Make sure you also see the good side and not just the bad points. <p>Take Care,
L.

burns<p>I am sorry your are hurting now. It will take time for the A to end. Let it die naturally. I feel the guilt is really starting to get to her. It is a good sign that the family and others know about the A. Now the fantasy is gone.<p>Stay strong my friend and things will change for you.<p>
SLH