A couple of questions for the WS's, as well as the BS's out there...<p>WS & BS - was there ever a time when the OP harrassed you or your spouse either during or after the A ended? <p>I ask this because I suspect I'm being seriously harrassed by my H's OW. Lately, I've had a lot of "hang-up" calls on my cell phone - phone numbers are, of course, withheld so I can't see who is calling. Have also received anonymous text messages on my cell from websites with abusive words like "have a lonely Christmas" and "put down your weapons, you've lost him". Most recently, I received an anonymous email with a link to a website which had an animated voodoo doll. One by one, pins came into the picture and into the heart. Then a knife across the throat. Scary stuff, but again it's hard to trace because anonymous email was used. I obviously can't point fingers until I know for sure; but my suspicions are obvious. I've made my H aware of the problem and told him how scared I am for HIM if it does turn out to be the OW. He has assured me that if this is the case, he would run from her like a bat out of H*ll. He has agreed to help me investigate this. <p>I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced this type of harrassment from the OP? Is it common? How did you deal with it? On the one hand, it's good because I suspect she's shooting herself in the foot. On the other hand, it's going to be very creepy if H decides to break it off with her. <p>Another question I had is for the WS who's A's have ended - (BS's can answer as well, of course!)<p>Does the Fog really exist? I mean, at the time of your A, did you truly believe that this person was the be-all and end-all of partners? Were you in love? And if so, after the A ended, did you feel differently? Did you come out of this fog and see the OP in a much different light? And what made you realise? Was it your BS doing their best Plan A? If so, do you feel Plan A helped?<p>Hmmm...lot's of questions! Guess I'm just trying to figure this out from my H's point of view, really. I have my doubts sometimes, because he is SUCH a fence-sitter at the moment. I do see some results of my Plan A, but wonder if I keep it up, will it "work"? Is all my effort for nothing? (God, grant me a giant fan to clear the fog!)<p>I know that each situation is different, but any and all input would be much appreciated. If you don't feel like answering on this board, then please feel free to email me at <p>venus.envy@ntlworld.com<p>Thanks, in advance!
venus

V<p>I was/am harrassed also. Tons of hang ups,call asking if I wanted to be the callers girlfriend. Had my car ransacked and a threating letter in the mailbox. Just today went out and a tire on my car had been slashed.<p>I really think that they (OW) thinks she has something on us. They must really feel bad about themselves to do this stuff (oh I have thought about doing something bad to her, but would never)
We are stronger than them.<p>The stuff started happening when there was trouble in the A.<p>I really think that my Plan A save my M. My WH tells me he has seen the changes and he is glad that I acted like I did.<p>He now sees the OW for what she is and I tried to tell him all along and of course the fog was thick. <p>I do believe in the fog. They are not thinking clearly at this time. In my WH case after the A ended the fog cleared quickly. We still talk about it but he says he does not think about her and does not want to see or talk to her.<p>Now he tells me He is so sorry for the pain he caused me and our son. That he was just plain stupid. He said he has everything at home he needs and whats. Now he thinks about what he would have lost if he left.<p>Now sees that him and OW would not have ever worked.<p>V, stay in your great plan A. I know your WH still has contact with OW but I think it very well could be in trouble. <p>Try not to let the crap she is doing scare you. Is there anyway you can send it right back to her?<p>I would make sure you tell WH all the things she is doing to you. Of course he might tell you she is not doing them. But she is lying also. He will see in time.<p>Stay strong girl and MB does work. It did for me and my M.<p>
SLH

opps<p>[ December 01, 2001: Message edited by: still love him ]</p>

Yes V, <p>You are being stalked and harassed. Talk with your local police station and ask how to go about filing harrassment or restraining orders against this person. Provide all evidence, e-mails, taped messages, etc. <p>This is illegal and if she is the one doing this she can be prosecuted. Be careful and don't provoke such a volitale person. <p>L.

As soon as H ended the A with OW she started harassing us. She woudl fill up his entire voicemail box at work with messages. She alternated between begging him to come back to her, call her, come to see her etc and talking aobut how much she hated both of us and wished that I was dead. Pleasantries like that. Hang up calls were constant. She also hatched a bizarre (and completely unsuccessful) plot to try and set up my H to look like he was selling to drugs (which he wasn't). I can't even explain it here, it was too off the wall. Eventually she and I had it out one final time and that was when I told her that from that point on she could deal exclusively with the police. That was the last we heard of her. She's probably stalking someone else by now, she seemed to have that kind of personality.

^^

Hi Venus, <p>First of all, I'm sorry you have to be here but this is the place you want to be if you are suffering through the hell of infidelity.<p>I used to get the annoying hang ups at home all the time and strange vehicles driving by my house at odd hours and when I confronted my WW about the hang ups she would say "he would never do that"...yeah right. It sounds to me like you are getting some pretty nasty harassment for sure. If you are receiving text messages on your phone you should be able to have these traced by the cell phone service provider. They cannot tell you where it came from but they could tell the police. So the suggestions you have gotten from others are good ones. Get together as much proof as you can and file a police report.<p>You're absolutely right about her shooting herself in the foot! If you're H doesn't see it now he will when the FOG lifts.<p>Now to address your questions regarding the FOG:<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Hmmm...lot's of questions! Guess I'm just trying to figure this out from my H's point of view, really. I have my doubts sometimes, because he is SUCH a fence-sitter at the moment. I do see some results of my Plan A, but wonder if I keep it up, will it "work"? Is all my effort for nothing? (God, grant me a giant fan to clear the fog!)
<hr></blockquote>
Has your plan A "worked"? Is all your "effort" for nothing?<p>First of all your plan A should be focused on you...changing yourself for the better of your marriage and it shouldn't be work or effort. That implies that perhaps you think that this is truly a plan to get your H to come back to you. But you really do have to change yourself because you want to not because your H wants you to.<p>
Does the FOG exist? Yes...absolutely...without a doubt. I, being the BS, witnessed the FOG blow away in about 15 minutes (this was 7 days ago...still no FOG She has completely changed...still cannot believe my eyes). I will say that I would not recommend doing what I did to make this happen because it was NOT my intention. I intercepted a phone call from my W to the OM and when I heard it I fell apart...I was simply at the end of my rope..had no more hope. I was basically hysterical, but I told her I heard her conversation and I quoted her words verbatim (she had be denying any contact emphatically for 5 months). At that point I was finished, wanted nothing more to do with her and told her I would be filing for divorce. This was not a threat, it was how I really felt at that time and for several days afterward (her account in my love bank went into massive overdraft!).<p>About 15 minutes after she realized she was caught and I was dead serious I witnessed a metamorphisis..total panic. Suddenly she realized all that she would be losing (Her marriage, her family, children, home....everything). The FOG was gone..just like that and she is totally different now as am I.<p>So, to re-emphasize. The FOG is real..it is what allows the WS to fence sit without going crazy. It's a twisted way of thinking that justifies their actions. I should say that I would not try to force the FOG to lift away by making an ultimatum as I did because you may just end up driving your H away. Keep working on yourself. <p>I really do wish you the best of luck.<p>WW4L<p>
[ December 03, 2001: Message edited by: wantwife4life ]<p>[ December 03, 2001: Message edited by: wantwife4life ]</p>

WWFL - Thank you for your response. <p>I guess I worded my questions regarding Plan A wrong. I was in a very emotional state when I wrote that post, but looking back on it, I have to really own up to the fact that yes, I do put trust in Plan A for myself, as well as my H "coming back". <p>Don't get me wrong, I have felt great doing Plan A for the past month or so. At times it is hard, as we know. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that while I do see "results" in the way my H treats me, I also find it very easy to fall completely out of my rollercoaster car when I realise he's the biggest fence sitter out there. When I start to feel down, personally, I wonder if Plan A is working for me.<p>So I would say about 3/4's of me realises what Plan A is doing for me, but the other 1/4 wants it to bring my H back home and see that I'm a wonderful, gorgeous, funny, intelligent woman who loves him very much. <p>When I referred to the "work and effort", I was referring more to how much I am doing to change myself. After Dday, I immediately got into IC, which has helped me a great deal. I do journalling daily and am constantly reading books and the boards for support, knowlege and understanding. Looking at myself and admitting that there are things I would like to change about me is difficult, at times. But such is human nature, really. <p>Regarding the text messages on my phone - unfortunately, they can't be traced. They were sent from a web-site that offers free anonymous text messaging service. I visited the site and found that you don't even have to enter your details to send a text message. Just type in the number and the message and off it goes. I sent one to myself to test it out. No way to trace it. I also think the laws in the UK are different regarding harrassment. I've been told the police will log my complaint, but until I receive something along the lines of a death threat, they won't/can't do much, unfortunately. <p>Again, thanks for your response. Glad to hear your W's fog lifted so quickly! Amazing! I will definitely not attempt what you did. Bit difficult when he's living elsewhere, anyway. But the Fog is still there. And so is that fence. <p>(where's a big twister when you need one? LOL! Could take out the fence and clear the fog all in one go!)<p>Good luck to you, as well!
venus

I got harrassed by OW 1 or 5, and I took it as a good sign......she was worried. No harrassment from the current one yet.