Had our weekly date tonight. He didn't come over until about 10pm as he was Christmas shopping (apparently for me, which was confirmed when he asked if I wanted some of my prezzies when he got to my flat). <p>Went out to dinner - walked quite far into the town centre, and then decided to head back up toward my house as all the restaurants were crowded with Christmas office parties. So we had a nice long time to chat and catch up as we walked. Despite all the bulls**t I've been dealing with from him this week, I found it very easy to Plan A him to death. He was relaxed and chatty from the minute he walked in the door, much to my relief as I really wasn't looking forward to this. <p>Conversation, laughs and gossip continued throughout the night. I smiled and casually flirted. Caught him, on numerous occassions checking me out. A few bottles of wine later, I asked him when he would like his presents. "Well..." he said, "I was thinking we could get together after Christmas and exchange gifts together. I'll also be picking up your gifts from my parents house, so I'll bring mine and yours over and we can open them up then." Bit shocked by this, really. I hadn't expected that at all. In other words, he's not opening his gifts from his family at HER house. I then did a bit of a boo-boo and asked if he was going to his parents alone. BIG fear of mine - her being accepted by his family. He shook his head and laughed. "Erm...yes." he said, "I wouldn't take her there." Feeling a bit tipsy, I laughed and said, "No, I don't think she's very welcome at your parents. Your mom would probably cut her head off with an axe." He laughed and nodded his head. "Yeah, you're probably right!" He said. <p>Interesting. <p>So then I said that I was glad he wanted to open our presents together as I didn't want him opening my gifts to him in OW's presence. He said he understood. And then made a joke about how he was sure he would like what I got him and that she was probably going to get him socks or something. <p>Interesting. <p>Immediately dropped the subject of OW, as the words of Orchid, Resilient and Bramblerose echoed in my ears. "DO NOT bring up OW!!!" Bless you all! It was the wine! I promise!<p>He finally asked what I was doing for Christmas and I told him I would be at his Aunt's house. Made an extra special effort to talk about his family and all the fun times and news that was happening with them. Especially his little cousins, as he loves them dearly. I think I got to him on that one. He was surprised I would be at his Aunt's house and looked a bit sad, really. <p>Anyway, back to my house. Had a cup of tea and listened to some music. Kept seeing him out of the corner of my eye staring at me. He eventually called a taxi at around 12:30. Could tell he was tired, so I didn't take it personally. When he left, I gave him some presents to give to his parents. "What are these?" he asked. I said, "Just some extra things I picked up for your mom and dad and brother. Please give them my love." He looked at me and said, "Oh. Are these from me, too?" I just said, "Only if you want them to be." He looked sad. <p>We hugged and my tears started again. He stared at me for a long time. Then started to walk out the door. I said, "Have a great Christmas. I love you." He looked back, looked very sad and said, "I'm sorry. Give my love to the kids."<p>And that was it. He was gone. I burst into tears when he left. <p>I really wanted to give him his presents before Christmas, but am willing to have a night with just the two of us opening gifts together. Happy that he's willing to do that with me. I think it says a lot, really. <p>Now, I ask you...does this sound like a man who is uncomfortable, stressed and anxious around me? <p>Tired now. Time for bed. Thanks for listening. Just needed to process that. <p>love,
VE

VE-<p>Sounds promising! Keep up the Plan A, it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job. This was a good night, nothing to be sad about. It's just going to take more of these kinds of nights for him to realize that the feeling he's having in the pit of his stomach isn't anxiety, it's LOVE! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>...with an axe<hr></blockquote><p>HMMMM, tempting. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Kev

Hi V,<p>Been waiting for your update. As always, you did great! Just a small slip regarding talking about OW, but you recovered nicely. No worries.<p>You're truly to be admired. You are "PLAN A" personified. I mean that. <p>Listen V, don't think anyone doesn't knows how hard this is on you, we really do. It takes every bit of strength you can mustar to see your H, Life's Partner, walk out that door knowing he's going to be with someone else. I'll tell you this ... OW has nothing new to offer your H, and the interesting thing is he realizes that.<p>From what you've said in this last post, I have to say your H knows this ISN'T something serious with him and OW ... but what is serious is your marriage and what needs were not being met. Have you figured out yet what needs OW might be meeting?<p>He was thinking, V. He was thinking how he could make this Christmas thing with OW up to you. So he planned the intimate get together for you and he.<p>I want you to keep your expectations low to nill, V. Do not read everything from his words, pay very close attention to his actions. <p>You're going to be okay, V. Stay the Plan A course.<p>Best,
Jo<p>[ December 19, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Well, I have to say that you are much better at Plan A than I am. My idea of a good Plan A is to aim the gun AWAY from his head when I shoot so he isn't killed! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Just wanna chime in here and say that you are awesome. You are my plan A hero.

Thanks everyone. Feeling quite good today - better than I expected. I think it's the excitement of going to family for the holidays, even though H won't be there. <p>Resilient Said"...but what is serious is your marriage and what needs were not being met. Have you figured out yet what needs OW might be meeting?"<p>Wellllll....since I don't feel I can ask him to fill out the EN Q just yet, I have to harbour a guess. I would say H most important EN is sex, but he's definitely not allowing me to fulfill that one at the moment. But all his stares and looking at my new figure, I think, is definitely getting to him. If I do say so myself, I am FAR more attractive than OW. She is quite "dumpy" and plain, and I'm tall, quite nice looking and very curvacious. Hope I don't sound like I'm bragging, here, but one thing I've learned through all this is that I DO like what I see when I look in the mirror. Which also covers the Attractive EN.<p>Other EN's for H would be honesty and openness, admiration and conversation. All of which I have tried my hardest to provide for him. Our conversation flows freely, I make sure to offer compliments when he talks about his job or puts himself down in any way. And if he asks me my opinion on something, I give him honest answers in a non-LB way. <p>But again, these are all based on my own perceptions. I know that OW fulfills the honesty and openness one, as he's told me he finds it very easy to "open up" to her. I'm trying my hardest to be a safe harbour for him in that respect, but it's difficult based on my past behaviour. He's told me he's seen the changes in me and likes them, but doesn't trust them yet. I can understand that, and will be patient and consistent. My changes are for good!<p>Got a text message from him this morning thanking me for my kind words in his Christmas card and that he would definitely be calling me on Christams day. We will see. <p>Resilient Said-"You're truly to be admired. You are "PLAN A" personified. I mean that."<p>Needing Said"Just wanna chime in here and say that you are awesome. You are my plan A hero."<p>You both have no idea what that means to me to hear that. I'm grinning from ear to ear. Big huge gooey hugs to all of you!<p>I picked up one of his Christmas presents today. I had a silver bangle made for him with the words, "lots & lots & lots" inscribed on the inside. Whenever we used to say "I love you" to each other, we always added "lots & lots & lots". I think that says it all, really. We are both going to be out tonight in the same area of town and said we might meet somewhere. I'm going to take the bracelet with me to give to him before Christmas - hopefully we'll see each other. Two reasons. 1. so I can give him the bangle and 2. I'm going to be out with a friend and all her male co-workers. Wonder what he would think of that? (evil grin)<p>Thank you once again for your support. I know I'm doing well when I can come on here and vent and get positive feedback. Will keep you all posted!<p>Lots of love,
VE