Well, my W(WS) Told me a couple of days ago that she is likely going ahead with her plan to separate after the holidays. It may be a week or two, but she has looked at an ap't. and has pretty much made up her mind...<p>I wish I knew how I feel...I mean I am sad and very hurt but there isn't much I can do about it.<p>I don't know if this is the first step toward D, or if she truly means it when she says she needs the time by herself...<p>We will be seeing our MC on Friday nite....I am not sure what will be discussed, although my W mentioned that our C wants us to consider guidelines for contact...some sort of Plan B maybe....I'm not sure<p>I don't know...I am really confused, sad and hurt...I thought we had made some progress toward recovery since her return home in August, but I guess we haven't.<p>Of course no one else knows and my W wants us to put a good face on for x-mas with our familes...<p>Yeah, that'll be fun....<p>When does the hurting stop???????<p>E

{{{{E}}}}
I'm so sorry for your pain. This is the absolute worst time to be going through this. I share in your pain. My H and I are selling our house and a D is in our near future. I'm moving (with my 3 kids) to a 3-bedroom apartment. I'm almost 41 years old, and faced with starting over....<p>You know that you have us here to lean on. Also, and most importantly, lean on God. I'm trying to turn all of this over to him. Try to do that for yourself. God can make miracles happen. Just look what he did for us on Christmas!!<p>I experience much peace knowing that God is looking out for me and my kids. Of course, there are times sprinkled in between where I am still in deep pain.<p>I wish you nothing but peace this Christmas.<p>A big hug from me to you!!<p>MOM<p>P.S. - We are also doing the "have fun on Christmas". My H left for work this a.m. and stopped at OW's house to wish her a Merry Christmas; tonight he'll be here.....None of us should have to go through this.

Elad,
It is very hard on false recovery, I don't know if I could take it either. Like everything else we have in plan A, wait and see, talk is cheap and we have time to put our best effort.<p>I am curious on your situation, did your WW come back because of plan B ? or something else ?. Does A ever exposed ?. Did you put together POJA to protect both of you ?. I am reading your old thread.

redhat---<p>I never was in Plan B....some sort of Plan A, I guess...I have worked hard on myself and even our MC syas she sees me as getting much stronger...still it all hurts.<p>Wife came back in August after 5 month separation to "try" to see what would happen after putting OM behind her, going thru withdrawal and the grieving process.<p>Only thing is, she thinks he has tried but really hasn't. Her heart is not in it and she is "blocked" by something...just can't seem to get the feelings back is what she says. She says she needs to be away from me to see if she could actually live without me...(ouch)...<p>Never got to the point of POJA....we did joint counseling beginning in mid-Sept. and we were doing OK---not great but OK---so I thought.<p>As it turned out, we also had some IC and she told the C that she just wasn't into it right now...that was in early Nov....things have slid downhill since then....to the point they are now...<p>I wish i knew there was a possibility of her getting out on her own again and realizing Elad (and our marriage) is what she wants, but who knows?<p>Anyway--very sad Christmas season here....thanks for the response...<p>E

thinking about you, been there & done that<p>the pain doesn not end but is not there all the time.<p>when my stbx finally stopped sitting on the fence, all I felt is relief that it was over, I no longer had to worry that something I did or said would send him out the door.<p>I am at peace<p>wishing you peace & joy for 2002

Dear Elad, <p>I am sorry for your current situation. Last year at this time, my H was moving out also. In fact he and OW were so busy finding him a place that he was neglecting his client and they were calling me looking for him.... Aarrrgh.<p>The best thing I did was let him go out there and fall. The OW was filling his ears about how great it would be out there. WRONG!!!! But he was too much in the fog to see the light. <p>Now he sees it and still wonders how he could have been so dumb. It don't hide it or minimize it because it was DUMB! Still his recovery is hard. <p>Anyway, for you the best may be to let her go. Don't wish her well, just let her go. She may wonder why you don't wish her well, so let her wonder. <p>You are probably meeting more ENs than you realize. Letting her go will let her see that in an unrefutable way. <p>Take care and hugz to you and your family.
L.

Elad,
How is your plan A ?. For the past 5 months do you address her issue(s) on your relations ?. Any holes in it ?. It seems that she has a pact also with OM, suspend the A for a specific period of time or still contacting OM ... I am not making you panic but I am not surprise if she will contact OM. I hope I am wrong. There is no chance of recovery if A is still there and IMHO, that exactly what you have in past 5 months.<p>You say both of you have MC & C, are they traditional MC or from MB ?. w/ MB I believe you will build a better M, fulfilling M. If it is linger you have a problem. Snoop if you have to, find out so that you could do some planning on accesing the damage.<p>Sorry to see you going through this again during the holiday season.

Ooops<p>[ December 24, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>