Heres the sitch...<p>OW and family have moved about 60seconds walk from my WH's place (they were 2000kms away)coincidence? Her H knows about A which has apparently ended....hmmmm.<p>My WH had his homegoods moved interstate with their stuff....normal???<p>He goes round there for meals and fixes things for them.....normal???<p>He spent Christmas nite there....normal???<p>I dont get it myself.
We've got a child I dont want involved in this. He disagrees and thinks it is normal.
He says theyre all just friends.<p>What do you think?<p>Is her H being irresponsible by allowing this? Is this a rather unhealthy situation? Or am I being paranoid, is it normal and possibly acceptable??? Should I be ok with our child being around there too?<p>[ December 28, 2001: Message edited by: Dancer ]</p>

You're obviously not at all comfortable with the situation (nor would I be!), so that makes it not normal, for YOU.<p>I'm grasping at straws here, but maybe this staying friends thing is a way for your H and OW to attempt to smooth things out? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] I don't agree to it personally. If the A is over, then so the friendship should be as well, IMO.<p>It is extremely arrogant and rude and obnoxious for your H to happily continue this 'friendship'. He is sounding like he is still in selfish mode, and for that, I am sorry that you are still dealing with it. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>IMO, OW's H is so deep in denial (or something along those lines) to allow this 'happy go lucky' (?) interraction. My guess is that he must be really afraid to deal with the issues that allowed the A situation to be created, and is doing whatever makes his W happy.<p>From other posts I've read on here, maintaining a friendship after an A IS possible... but why would anyone really want to? The betrayal is so severe, and with a friendship, IMO, you're better off cutting the ties than mending them. You need all of your energy to mend the M relationship. Nothing else should matter until it's back on solid ground.<p>I haven't been on much lately, so I don't think I'm fully updated with your situation. Are you still planning on plan Aing your H? Or are you getting ready to move into plan B? Do you find your H waffling at all? Just curious.<p>Karen

Topie<p>Thanx 4 replying.
H left me 9 months ago while i was pregnant - which I guess makes me a very overprotective new mummy, thus the contact concerns.
H, i think, is sitting on the fence a bit, but probably lately more on the otherside of mine. He was thinking of coming back over, but apparently i spoilt it by arguing with him about something which is a sign to him that i havent changed after all and that things wont change....hmmmm.<p>I hope that explains the situation a bit.
I just think hes crazy for pursuing these friendships which IMO is destroying him (although I think he believes its his liferaft). But its his choice, I just dont like that idea of my son getting involved. Thats where I stand my ground.<p>Dancer

Dancer,<p>I've kept up a little bit on your story, but this morning when I read this thread, a troubling picture popped into my head. I don't enjoy bringing this up, but I also think it's something you should at least consider.<p>If you've read SAA, there's one of the couples that Harley uses as an example that just jumped right out at me this morning. In that marriage, the H was the WS, and the W was the BS. At one point, in order to try to save her marriage, the W accepted the OW into her bed with her and H. I don't know how realistic this would be in your situation, but it would explain a lot of the "weird" behavior. <p>I hope this doesn't freak you out or hurt you, but I thought it's something that should be said.<p>Kev<p>[ December 28, 2001: Message edited by: kevco- ]</p>