Told my H I plan to file... which was making me feel a whole lot better... about the unfairness in our situation right now... well, he says... that will mean war if you do... if will really get bad then... etc etc... I already gave lawyer the retainer, but have my doubts now.. we are getting paperwork ready to file... this man, uses control over me every chance he gets... and I am so sick of it.<p>I love him, I want him back, but do not want to be taken advantage of - he has had way more money than me so far... and is just leaving me and the kids to suffer, while he has a party.<p>THANKS, HONEY

Honey,<p>It was not wise to tell him your intentions before you had everything ready. I would have waited until I filed. Then gave him the Plan A letter saying that you filed to protect yourself and the kids but that you are open to working on the marriage. Your telling him before hand makes it sound like a threat.<p>But what is done is done. He is a manipulator and is doing exactly what is predictable. He may even try to beat you to the bunch now.<p>Now let me see here. You are supposed to understand and forgive him his affairs and other awful things he has done. But he cannot forgive you protecting yourself and your kids? What? Do not buy into his games. He may very well get very nasty when you first file. But that is his problem to deal with.<p>You see, if he does declare war on you and get nasty.. the courts will recognize it. They see people behaving badly all the time. They know what an abusive manipulator looks like. He sounds like a hot head who will cook his own goose from anger and resentment. Don't worry about it. What can his war on you really do? If he files some bogus stuff in court, just have your attorney ask for continuences and such until the cows come home. By the time things get to court you much of the anger will have died down. <p>Your H is not God, he does not control the world, he does not control you. Heck, he cannot even control himself. <p>My advise to you is file, give him the letter. In the letter tell him that you will no longer put up with his abuses and threats. That you will only speak to him in the presence of a third party, like a counselor. <p>{{{{{hugs}}}}}} quite playing the game and buying into his every word

thanks for the feedback... zorweb... I did not tell him for sure.. I told him I am thinking about it... and he is mad.. <p>He is just sooo predictable... I said.. I just do not want you to get mad... and know this is to protect me and the kids... <p>Now he has me wondering again... which is how he likes it... I know... the ball is in his court.. as long as I let it be, and I am tired of it... if he really wants me back, he can show me now.<p>Thanks, HONEY

bump, my thoughts are if he really wants marriage, it will wake him up... while protecting me.. he is still blaming me<p>but he's gonna be mad- could this push it over the edge?<p>- honey

still scared about this,... getting paperwork together... trying to be nice to him... but ball is in his court...I do not like the idea of things not being ironed out. HONEY

Honey,<p>Well, just got back in town... we had to drive the 8 hr drive to visit son-14 in the residential treatment center. So am just now getting a chance to read here.<p>I know you are scared. But you have also thought this through. Do you have anyone near you who you can talk to? You say that your mother and sister are very caught up in it all so you don't want to upset them anyfurther.<p>Is there anyone else? Are you home alone with the kids.

Honey,<p>DO NOT FILE, if you want to save your M. Time is on your side,the longer you take the more of a chance you have to save the M.<p>SH says during Plan A you will feel the following 3 emotions almost constantly. THis is grossly unfair, You will feel like a doormat and I can't remember the third. I will look it ups and reply.<p>Hang in there with plan A, and try not to LB!!

dadoftheyear,<p>You may not have been keeping up with all of Honey's posts so I wanted to clarify something...<p>There are extra ordinary reasons why people are advising Honey that she may want to file... <p>The first is that her H has threatened to run off with the kids to another state. In Texas, the only way she can prevent that is by filing divorce and thereby getting an order inplace saying that he cannot remove the kids from her home and the state of Texas. <p>Her H is threatening to bring charges of abuse against her and to take the kids way. From what she has told us, he is unstable, abusive and an alcoholic. It would not be in the best interst of the kids to have a primary parent who is like this.<p>The second reason is that she has the kids just about 24/7 so she is the responsible parent. He is an alcoholic so he cannot have the kids very often... it is not safe. He is not helping her financially. She needed to get the court to order some interim support so that she and the kids can survive.<p>And lastly, his father is an attorny who is advising him to remove the kids from texas and to behave is the most dispicable manner. Honey could loose her kids in one fell swoop if daddy-o steps in with legal assitance.<p>It is imparative that a person protect their children first and foremost when things like this happen. <p>Any Plan A'ing, marriage saving, etc can only happen once she and the kids are protected.<p>Just wanted to let you and Honey know where I, and I think others, are coming from. Plenty of people file for divorce and never complete it. IT's so common the courts almost expect it. With a nice plan A letter, she can explain where she is coming from on this.

Hi, ZOrweb and others... I am just scared, as now things are on better terms again... but ya know... I may have to file anyway... He is acting better, and now things are finally off with OW... My H says he doesn't think it would be right to take kids anyway... so I tend to believe that statement... it is my evil fil talking, who by no means knows the true situation... I am not even sure that my H would want the kids all the time... they would drive him craZy... but you never know... <p>He will be mad when I file... this scares me... and I hate to let my evil fil, contribute to our divorce, because those were his words, and just my H repeating them to me, and saying he would not do that.<p>Now, the money issue... he is giving me legal child support in my state... considering that I was a part time worker at home mom at the time he left and he was making 50k, it really wasn't fair for him to walk.<p>I think the best move for me is to file for my safety... it is sad, but true- because my spouse is kind of on a vacation, and his money will run out... with court orders already in affect, at least he will be liable..<p>thanks for all insight, this is one hard decision.<p>HONEY

Honey,<p>Sorry for the erronious advice. Z web has me up to speed. I fhe has ended the A, and is ready to work on M, then S Harley can help with Alcholism. We know your H has an addictive personality, then the A may not be over. Try and Get S Harley in the loop ASAP.

thanks dadof the year... hard hard decision, have you counseled about Alcoholism with s harley>? Just curious... My H says he is drinking lots of orange soda and trying to cut back on his own... he does not admit to being alcoholic, just says he drinks too much... thanks again, HONEY