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Joined: Dec 2002
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Bump from a newbie. Interesting ideas here.

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Carol, Thank you so much for your story. It does help. I unintentionally did something similar in that I became good friends with a guy who was single and having relationship problems. We were helping each other get through rough times. At no time was it anything more.

I told H about this friend and that he made me laugh and feel good about myself and was giving me EN that H wasn't giving me. Later that week I
I went to the movies with my friend and another guy from work and my H was watching our children. Well the other guy didn't show because his car broke down and he didn't have a cell phone to call us so we went to the movies anyway. Well it was the new Two Towers movie (long) and we didn't get out until late and then I had to get my car (we carpooled).

My husband wakes up out of a dead sleep and calls my cell phone asking where I was. I told him that I was on my way back to my car. He practically pounced on me when I got home and started making comments like you know noone could love you like I could. We had great sex! He later told me that if I hadn't answered the phone he would know that I was sleeping with this guy. This is from the man who was never jealous of me, but was jealous of OW (no trust I think). This made me feel so good.

The OW cheated on H and LB all over the place so it is over now and we are now back together in recovery and he is committed to giving me 100% of the attention/admiration etc.. that he was giving the OW.

I am still somewhat distant in that I don't want him to think that everything is fine and that things can go back to what they were. They can't. I am hopeful that through hard work we will have a fullfilling marriage.

Thanks again for the great insight. It will help others I'm sure.

Barelyholdingon

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quote:
Anyway, we would have sex, he would tell me he did not want me to get any ideas that he was coming back just because we had sex;
Sounds exactly like my H!

quote:
I hope my little saga has been somewhat helpful. A year ago I was in the darkest despair. I was at the bottom of the pit. My H and I had been separated 16 months, had even been having the greatest sex EVER for around a year, and still we were in LIMBO, with no end in sight (he admitted later we would have gone on like that for a LONG time...he had the best of both worlds...hot sex/companionship with me WHEN he wanted it; able to see EA when he wanted; able to do what he wanted because he lived by himself--why would he want to give THAT up?).

And look at me today. My H tells me many times a day he loves me; he is affectionate (he knows this is one of my EN's); we talk; we work together as a team; our D has her daddy home all the time!

LIFE IS GOOD! Don't give up! It is worth it.

carolkh - I am so glad I stumbled across your post through redhat's links in his sig line. I'm at 7 months post d-day, and after a 3 month time period where my H and I had no contact, we're at the point you described above. He's happily in his EA, and in my limited contact with him we have great passionate sex. He lives by himself and can do what he wants when he wants. He's getting the best of both worlds and probably would be happy to go on like this for ages. It's eerie the similarities here - even though I'm a FWS who was pursuing her reluctant BS.

I had come to a point last week where I knew I couldn't let this go on as it is, since I am sure my H would be content to treat me like this for as long as it feels good for him. I know I deserve more. No more sex for him.

quote:
Ok, so I am fed up with having a semi-lover with none of the benefits. I want someone who is around, who I can see more often
Exactly how I feel again! I know now that it's time to back off and come across as less desperate and not as someone who's willing to do anything for him....I need to make him feel like he's losing me as you said.

Really, at this point, I need him to pursue me. I realized that before I read your post.

Again, I am so glad I found your story, even if it's one year after the fact and you may no longer post on MB. It gives me a glimmer of hope again when I was feeling very pessimistic about my M ever getting recovered.

This is certainly a story worth reading for others too! So hopefully my bumping it up will give some folks some interesting reading.

Jen

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This is so inspirational -- thanks!

Joined: Aug 2001
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Ran across my old thread in someone's sig line. Was I surprised. Glad it has been helpful. I don't post much over here, but I read at times. I am more likely to post over in DB since that is where I lived when I was going thru all that mess.

It was just about this time 2 yrs ago that I did all my radical 180's. It will be 2 yrs end of June since I let H move back in. I really tried to follow the good coaching I got, so this would last (who wants to go thru THAT again).

Glad to report we are doing great. We spend much more time together now than we ever used to. I really feel like we are a team...that was missing for much of our 19 yr (at that time) marriage.

H just got Dixie Chicks and Eagles tickets, so we are still having fun! Not bad for old folks (we are in our 50's).

Carol

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Carol,
Your thread has meant alot to many here. I remember when you first posted two years ago!!!!

Dawn [Smile]

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OMG, my hero is back. Lady you have been an inspiration to many here. I have pointed many many people struggling with Plan A/B to your thread.

It is so great to hear that things are still going so well for your marriage, I have often wondered.

Please, come around more often when you can?

jd

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JD, LOL, yours was the sig line I read with my thread at the bottom!

Don't you post over on DB as well? I am really mostly over there in MLC...but really I don't post too much. Very busy around here. But I follow several people's threads and comment here and there.

You made my day with the hero thing, haha.

Yes H and I continue to do great, but it is work. You just can't coast. I hope I make him feel appreciated now...one thing he said he never felt before.

When I think back to the time we were separated, it seems like a dream. It seems like he never left. One thing, we do go to church together each week, something we never did before (he would go and I would stay home). I was brought up in a different religion and it was hard for me to go to his church. But now, I enjoy going with him and like the preacher's sermons--we make a day of it and go to lunch afterward and sometimes go shopping in town (we live in rural area, and church is in the city 30 miles away).

Carol

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^

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Carol, what state do you live in?

We are thankful for inspiring posts like this.

Susan

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Susan, I live in Texas. Why do you ask?

I know I used to avidly read any "success stories". They gave me hope that there was actually such a thing!

Must tell you, it all seems like a dream now. H has been home 22 months now. We are doing fine, but then I really tried to make sure I did everything "right" two yrs ago so we would not have to go thru this again! You will remember I didn't immediately let him come home, I essentially made him win me back!

There is hope for all of you. During my darkest moments, I NEVER thought H and I would get back together, especially with him living alone for 1 1/2 years!

Carol

Joined: Mar 2003
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Bumping, because this thread just gave me inspiration and swept a bit of my sadness away!

Joined: Oct 2001
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Bump!

I love it! I am trying to implement changes like this, and have already made it through some good ones.

One night when wh thought I was going on a -date- after he picked up the kids.... he followed me for at least 30 minutes until he lost me.

I had dressed up like I was going on a date, and walked out and got in the car when he picked up the kids, and said something like have fun, bye, in a happy voice! [Wink]

Hugs, Honey

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Carolh:

I noticed you are a Texan, anywhere close to Houston?

Hugs, Honey

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Great story! I remember this one was bumped not long after I found MB. What an inspiration! I had been thinking of this story recently and have done some 180 myself & WH is noticing!

Thanks Carol for comming back and giving us an update!

D.

[ May 08, 2003, 12:20 AM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]

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OK CAROL K! I've posted to you on DB. I'll try not to wimp out on you.

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What is the Divorce busters website - I can't seem to pull it up!

Thanks!

Joined: Jul 2001
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When I started this thread, I was desperate. I knew I was at the end of my rope w/ H. I had changed my username for the ??? time... hiding from him in case he lurked (he didn't) or OW (who may have).

It (the thread) makes me SMILE [Big Grin] each time it comes up.

'cause though I didn't implement such a structured 180 plan... I did implement 180s. I think now, over a year later, that 180s WORK like a plan A... when you do them for yourself, for healing and NOT specifically to GET your spouse back.

Make YOUR healing YOUR priority.

btw.... www.divorcebusting.com should take you to the DB site.

Hugs to all...

Cali (AKA TryingAgain)

Joined: May 2001
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Time to bump... [Smile]

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^^bump^^ for the New Year.

hugs to all.

Cali

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