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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from
Los Angeles to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a
fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely
declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer
persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.<p> He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you
pay me five dollars, and vice versa."<p> Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.<p> The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer,
you
pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."<p> This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end
to this torment, agrees to the game.<p> The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the
earth
to the moon?"<p> The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a
$5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.<p> "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."<p> She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with
four legs?"<p> The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all
his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem
and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to
no avail.<p> After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.<p> The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.<p> The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and
asks, "Well, what's the answer?"<p> Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer
$5, and goes back to sleep.<p> And you thought blondes were dumb.

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Here's my Texas joke cuz thats where I'm from!<p>
A Texan who was a new daddy was going around bragging to his new friends about his new son. He said to his friend," My son is the best little Texan ever, Why he came out weighing 20 lbs!" Impressed, his friend took the cigar he was offered. A few days later, the friend saw the Texan again and asked how the baby was doing. The Texan replied, "Oh, he's just great, why he weighs, 10 lbs. now." Puzzled, his friend asked," Didn't you tell me last week that he weighed 20 lbs, so how can he weigh 10 this week?" "Well" replied the Texan, "that's because we had him circumsised"<p>Hee-hee!

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So true!!<p>
One day, God calls on Adam & says, "Adam, I have some good news and bad news. The good news is that I gave you a penis and a brain. Bad news is I only gave you enough blood to operate one at a time" <p>who

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A group of English gentlemen are sitting around the den of a London men's club, and it's a special gathering, because the oldest member, Colonel Rowlinson, is there.<p>One of the men says, "Colonel, why don't you tell us a tale from one of your exploits?"<p>Colonel Rowlinson says, "Well, there was a time years ago when we were trekking through the Kenyan jungle. The guides were quite tired, what with carrying all the bundles as they cleared a path through the dense underbrush. We came to a clearing, so we sat to have a spot of tea and regain our strength, when suddenly, out of the foliage, leaps a nine-foot tiger. RRROOAARRR! My God, I soiled my trousers."<p>One of the gentlemen says, "Well, Colonel, that's perfectly understandable, what with a huge TIGER coming at you."<p>The Colonel says, "Not THEN, you blithering idiot. Just NOW when I went, RRROOAARRR!"

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Ladies, this one has been in my joke book for over ten years;<p>Seems this guy was on a red eye flight across country....well, deep in the night, he really has to go, but the mens toilet was always occupied when he wanted to go.<p>Finally, one of the lady stewardesses (Do they still call them that?) told him that he could use the ladies room but, she added, "DO NOT PRESS ANY OF THE BUTTONS IN THERE."<p>The man thought this a bit odd, but he complied.
So, he is sitting there doing God's work and he looks across the little cubicle and there are three buttons WW, WA, ATR.<p>Well, being a man, he naturally pressed the first button. Suddenly, warm water spritzed up and cleaned his bottom.<p>"Gee" he thought to himself, "These girls have it OK." So then he pressed WA and a jet of warm air came and dried his bottom, then a powderpuff patted his behind with a delicate fragrance talcum powder.<p>"FAR OUT!" He said to himself and then he just could not resist so he pushed the last one, ATR.
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When he awoke, he found himself in the hospital. Startled and scared he found the nurses call button and a middle aged woman came in and glared at him.<p>"Why am I here?" He demanded.<p>"Don't you remember?" The nurse asked.<p>"NO!"<p>"Well, before you went into the bathroom, the stewardess told you not to push the buttons, but we found out that you did. That last button was the Automatic Tampon Remover. You can find your penis under your pillow."

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A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. Barman says, "Hey, you're a duck!" <p>"Nothing wrong with your eyesight," observes the duck. <p>"Yeah, but I mean - you can TALK!" says the barman. <p>"Darned right!" answers the duck. "Now, may I have a beer, please."<p>Barman serves the duck a pint and asks him what he's doing in the area.
"Oh," says the duck. "I work on the building site over there. We'll be here for a couple of weeks, and I'll be in each lunchtime for a pint."
And each day the duck waddles over from his job at the building site and has his lunchtime lager. Next week, the circus comes to town on its annual round. The circus owner comes in for a pint, and the barman tells him about the talking duck.
"You should get it into your circus," he says.
"Make a lot of money out of a talking duck. I'll speak to him about it." <p>Following day, the duck comes in at lunchtime.
Barman says: "You know, the circus is in town, and yesterday I was chatting to the owner. He's very interested in you." <p>"Really?" says the duck. <p>"Yeah. You could make a lot of money there. I can fix it up for you easily." <p>"Hang on," said the duck. "You did say a CIRCUS, didn't you?" <p>"That's right." <p>"That's one of those tent things, isn't it? With a big pole in the middle?" <p>"Yeah!"<p>"That's canvas, isn't it?" said the duck. <p>"Of course," replied the barman, "I can get you a job there starting tomorrow. The circus owner's dead keen." <p>The duck looked very puzzled. "What the heck would he want with a carpenter?"

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I might just run myself off the board with this one.<p>
What's the difference between Mad Cow disease and PMS?<p>.<p>.<p>.<p>.<p>.<p>
.<p>
Nothing!<p>Sorry ladies. I deserve whatever I have coming.<p> [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>who

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[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] pepper<p>there is this woman and man on an airplane. The lady sneezes, takes a tissue and wipes her nose and shudders. The man looks at her couriously and wonders if she is ok. The woman does this 3 or 4 more times. Finally, out of couriosity, the man asks her "Mame are you ok? why do u shudder so when u sneeze?"<p> she replies " every time i sneeze, i have an orgasm"<p>embarrassed and yet still curious...he asks...
"what are you taking for it?"
and she says........
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* <p>PEPPER [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
hahha

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tee-hee... not exactly MB principles [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
The Perfect Marriage<p>Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some
good food, and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.<p>We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in
Cincinnati.<p>I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.<p>I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested
the kitchen.<p>We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.<p>Remember....Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically,
100% of all divorces started with marriage.<p>I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.<p>I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

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This is retarded--my six year old son made this up while taking a bath:<p>What do you get when you pee in a can?<p>A canape. Get it? A can-o-pee. <p>Well, I had to run clear across the house when he screamed out from the bathtub that he needed me, just to hear this dumb joke. I laughed my head off.

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A recent study found out which days
men prefer to have sex. It was found
that men preferred to engage in sexual
activity on the days that started with
the letter "T"

Example of those days are:
Tuesday
Thursday
Thanksgiving
Today
Tomorrow
Thaturday and Thunday

WHY MEN GET OUT OF BED . . .
A recent survey was conducted to discover
why men get out of bed in the middle of the
night...5% said it was to get a glass of
water...12% said it was to go the toilet...
83% said it was to go home.

THE PERFECT BREAKFAST
. . . as a man sees it...You're sitting at the
table and your son is on the cover of the
box of Wheaties. Your mistress is on the
cover of Playboy. And your wife is on the
back of the milk carton.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST...A funeral service
is being held for a woman who has just
passed away. At the end of the service
the pall bearers are carrying the casket
out when they accidentally bump into a
wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint
moan. They open the casket and find that
the woman is actually alive!

She lives for ten more years, and then finally
dies. A ceremony is again held at the same
place, and at the end of the ceremony the
pall bearers are again carrying out the
casket. As they are walking, the husband.
cries out, "Watch the wall!"

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A young couple got married & went on a cruise for their honeymoon. When they got back from the honeymoon, the bride immediately called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away. <p>"Well, darling," said her mom, "how was the honeymoon?" <p>"Oh, mother," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time! But, mother, as soon as we returned, Sam began using really horrible language... Stuff I'd never heard before... Really terrible 4-letter words... You've got to come get me and take me home... PLEASE MOTHER!" And the new bride began to sob over the telephone. <p>But honey," the mother countered, "WHAT 4-letter words?" <p>"I can't tell you, mother," said the daughter, "they're too awful! COME GET ME, P L E AS E!!!" <p>"Darling daughter, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell mother the 4-letter words!" <p>Still sobbing, the bride said, "Mother...it's just terrible. Words like
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DUST... WASH... IRON... COOK"
[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

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One more blonde joke lol<p>A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she only paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back. <p>The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!". <p>The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and copilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. <p>The copilot goes back to the blonde to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. <p>The blonde again, said that she is and beautiful and going to Montreal and staying right here, in First Class! <p>The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.<p>The pilot says "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I have learned to speak 'blonde'". <p>He walks over, speaks to her and without hesitation,she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section. The flight attendant and copilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss. <p> "I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal."

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A few men jokes to pay back for the PMS joke [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Why can't men get Mad Cow Disease?
Because they're pigs<p>Why don't men have PMS?
What would be the point, they act like that all the time. <p>Why do little boys whine?
They are practicing to be men<p>How do you know if your husband hasn't been home in a while?
The house is clean<p>If your husband and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?<p>and my favorite<p>Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom, and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."
That night, while the princess dined on frog's legs, she laughed to herself and thought, "I don't think so!"

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