Brief update:
Another night out for the MRS. She left a message @ 6:15 PM&#8211; said they were going out to dinner -- &#8220;owner&#8217;s treat.&#8221; They were going to the Olive Garden and she said she should be home in couple hours --it's a 45 minute drive&#8211; Could be romantic right, &#8230; just kidding, I know I am never satisfied am I?! I am a little jealous & can understand why she would rather go out to dinner with these new friends that go home to boring H. Now I&#8217;, not going to feel sorry for myself! I promise! Again I don&#8217;t know these people &#8211; I know the owner is a guy And you&#8217;ll remember my DW spoke that there was mostly women. This is supposed to be just a one time kind of thing to help these people set up the booths. She has toyed with the idea of seeking a selling position with this kind of organization, so she may be sowing some seeds for this. It would require travel & some overnight trips. Of course in my state of insecurity & her basic lack of any recovery processes or agreements, I am not enthusiastic &#8211; the dinners out when she returns to a motel room instead of home has some triggers for me! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] Today was the first day the show was open and she was helping in the booth by taking orders.<p>I am sure glad I can come here and vent a bit!
She has talked about going back tomorrow to help with sales as well. Do you suppose I should make other plans for dinner tomorrow night? Sounds like a pattern is developing here, huh.<p>Like I said, She has mentioned two other gals, a sales guy & the owner &#8211; The way she talks it sounds like there are several people, but I have no idea. I think I&#8217;ll ask a few questions when she gets home tonight.<p>I wish sex oriented stuff would not keep cropping up &#8211; perhaps I am overly sensitive to this SA thing and the fact that she seems to be in total denial. Specifically, she brings home a small bottle of something to drink called, &#8220;NIAGARA&#8221;. She said it was like a natural herb substitute for Viagara &#8211; sexual stimulant in other words. She said the boss gave them out to everyone as gifts. Then she says dinner tonight is on the boss &#8211; do I ask her how many were in the party &#8211; mix of boys & girls? She can get defensive, like aqussing me of not trusting her or something &#8211; NO &#8211; Ishe can lie anywayif it is suspious, so a part of me says, why bother.
She made this &#8220;NIAGARA&#8221; gift sound so innocent &#8211; I am definitely sensitive to sexual addiction stuff, like most people probably would think that was a &#8220;Cute, or funny&#8221; little gesture. She put it in the refrigorator, so that is a good thing! Perhaps I am way too paranoid about this stuff, but I know people in my support group who have spouses with SA, would not get real excited about this being a gift for everyone &#8211; can you imagine the conversations and potential conversations from this kind of gift. I know, all light hearted, but the flirting thing is there & the thoughts can get sexually heated I&#8217;ll guarantee it--- for most people that is not a problem, but someone with a history of not having much control with sexual urges & with the likelihood these unmet needs get progressively stronger without any treatment program. <p>But, what can I do &#8211; Like my DW has said before, I cannot put her in a box!<p>I began reading some things today about setting personal boundaries! Is there any hope for me?!
I'll continue to Chill!
Peace be with you!
HH

Update to the Home Alone thing:<p>Her regular boss (female with strong Christian believes & some knowledge about addictions, including SA & is very familiar with our story) was at this wholesale show yesterday & they went out to dinner last night.<p>I asked my DW what her regular boss thought & it confirmed what I assumed was being considered by my DW. My DW explained that Her boss said that she was concerned that my DW might leave to go with this Wholesaler. My DW has this little glow and is of course very impressed with the fact that these people have shown interest & show appreciation for her. My DW said that they have mentioned that they would like for her to join them for the Atlanta & the New York show.<p>Along with the dinner&#8217;s out & the Niagara (herbal drink for sexual stimulus, like Viagara) stuff this guy handed out, I am a little concerned as to what kind of chemistry is going on here.<p>A brief background may be helpful.
In her confession, She divulged a lot about her A&#8217;s. The first encounter was with this guy that was trimming our tress & they were intimate (in our home) four days after she first met him, which was when he came to house for the estimate. She confessed that & telephone records prove, that after the first encounter & that he did not call back & she called him numerous times, to include from her cousins 250 miles away, even at 11:00 & 11:30 at night of which she was mostly just getting his answering machine. The second guy was a friend of the first and he worked with the first guy to grind the stumps and did light excavating. He was doing a job a couple doors down & came to house and told her that he knew what she & his friend did & that was enough for her to invite him. Again, the A&#8217;s went from 07/20/00 to 01/17/01. My point is that she does not accept any responsibility for this & says that these guys were predators and she was a victim. Also, she recently stated in a confessional kind of tone something she had eluded to before that she does in fact dress to attract attention, she really likes the compliments & she made a point from, both guys & gals, ( I believe to lesson my anxiety, I suppose) she said she likes this, probably because of the age thing &#8211;MLC &#8211; Whatever!<p>I should also mention, this fall When I was confronting her about her use of pre-paid calling card, in which I caught her in a lie about, she confessed to vomiting on occasion to purge her food. Otherwise she does not eat much & is always doing set ups and the like. I know that these things many times go together. Again, she has not connected with any 12 step program & she has pretty much rejected any & all suggestions (from me & couples counselor) for any marriage enrichment program or strategy. She has been seeing a counselor off & on since March & according to her, he does not feel there are any SA issues. She has not seen this C very much since September.<p>I have done much better with focusing on myself & was not obsessing with her dinners out and all. With this new travel thing as more of a possibility along with this history, I will admit it has me concerned a little.<p>Coincidentally, over dinner last night her boss mentioned that their church &#8220;saved a prostitute & a couple drug addicts. My DW&#8217;s boss asked her if I could get her some information about 12 step programs. I believe in joking fashion, my DW said her boss also mentioned that perhaps I could get involved in helping & my DW said that maybe she could be a &#8220;co-leader.&#8221; I asked my DW if her boss knew that she was not in a program (my DW had mentioned to her boss the potential of her joining a group for eating disorders & SA) and my DW said, &#8220;yes.&#8221; She quickly added that .&#8221; she keeps missing return calls from the number her counselor had given her about a 12 step program he is familiar with. I let it drop & did not ask when she called or how often. <p>Do I encourage her with this new potential adventure? Would this be a good opportunity for me to introduce my boundaries & perhaps request her involvement in 12 step program as a condition before she runs off to far away cities with a bunch of salespeople? Nothing against sales people of course, as I am one myself! Perhaps this would be good opportunity to have a little reality check with where we are in our recovery process (or lack there off) --??<p>This is the last day of the show & they have to tear down & box up items not sold & she said that they told her it would probably be 8:30 or 9:00 tonight. What do you think, more dinner & drinks out? [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] She had her little travel bag she used the night I busted her today, so of course it caught my attention & I asked about it &#8211; she has her change of cloths &#8211; jeans for when they tear down &#8211; you know I am a little curious what kind of top she has packed to go along with her low rise, tight fitting jeans?? <p>Oh well, just another day in the jungle &#8211; I think I better plan for an evening out, so I&#8217;m not sitting at home stewing!
Peace,
HH