It's that time. I am ready to go to plan "B". The foundation has been laid and she knows that i have made life changes in ME...yet she continues with OM. She admits this to her friend. <p>Do most people file for "D" as part of plan "B" with no intention of going through with it..but to protect themselves and their kids ? If not..then how do you legally get your spouse to leave with plan "B" ? I want her to leave, but i don't want her to file and come back and make ME leave my house and kids...like in SAA. Ours is almost exactly like the "BAD" example in that book. I am fearful that by filing this gives her clouded mind the "answer" that she is seeking...as she says she is so confused as to what she wants. But I am now looking out for # 1 and his kids...i find him in the mirror each morning and when i start standing up for him ...he might be happier each morning...than now the game will be played by his rules.

Find out what the laws are in your state. Perhaps you can get an order requiring her to leave (based on the infidelity). I think the WS should be the one to leave if they can't make a choice. However, unfortunately, a lot of states lean towards the mother in matters of custody. I would speak to someone about it. What the WS should do and what they WILL do are 2 different things. Plan A is very hard on us emotionally while the A is continuing. Are you sure you're truly ready for Plan B?? Only you know for sure. I'm not sure of the timeframe for you (when was d-day)? I've been going through this for almost a year and my H is choosing OW over me and our M. We've sold our home and the kids and I are moving on Saturday to a new apartment.<p>I wish you the best, whatever your decision.<p>MOM

Sad Daddy,<p>Normally you would not file for D in Plan B, altho if you have legal issues that you fear may arise due to you implementing Plan B then I would definitely schedule a coaching session with Steve or Jenn for advice.<p>Do you have a draft Plan B letter ready for our critique?<p>Jo<p>[ January 30, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Thanks for the replies. <p>How do you keep on with plan "A" with your WS won't hardly talk to you. Doesn't want to be around you ? I've been doing that for 6 months...she knows the changes i have made. She is just confused and still says she madly in love with OM..who she talks to 4-10 times a day. <p>She is shutting down on me. I don't know why NOT to go to plan "B"....She is also talking of seperating...it's time for her "A" of 18 months to make or break !!! <p>What am i missing here ???

I don't know if this next idea is such a good one (others please comment)but here goes.<p>Tell your wife that as much as you love her and wish that she would love you again, you are now convinced that this will not be possible. Let her know that you are willing to let her go for good as a sign of just how much you still love her and wish her to be happy. Then plan B.<p>It may be time for her to realize that the OM will now be responsible in fullfilling all her EN's.<p>Joe

I can attest to the fact that you have to anticipate every contingency in a case like this. I tried to Plan B, and my H refused to move out. The only way I can get him out is to file and get the court to order him out, but in my state I can file for separate maintenance, and I don't have to file for D. In order to adequately protect yourself and your children, you should consult an attorney to see what options you have available.<p>Don't do anything until you've thoroughly researched everything.