My WS is so deep in fog sometimes I think he suffers from amnesia.<p>Early December my attorney send him a breakdown of school fees and stationery for DD's which had to be paid. This after he insisted that we only deal through our respective attoneys. Well, he never responded on this matter. January came he paid school fees of 9yo and not 3yo. Resulting in me not being able to send 3yo to play school. He also deducted from my maintenance the monies that he spend on buying 9yo uniform and stationery. My normal reaction would of been ANGER in a big way. This time I did absolutely nothing.<p>I've send him a note regarding PTA and how does he feel about 3YO education. Again no repsonse.
Did not even pitch for PTA.<p>Well, yesterday I was shocked. After almost two months of no communication from his side he phoned. <p>Wanted to know if I could arrange a monthly payment on 3yo school fees. He could not afford the quaterly payments.
Music fees for 9yo if we could share the cost.
(This really made me sick - He is living such an extravagant life with OW, I know because I still receive all his bank statements. He is also what I call playing musical credit cards - using three different cards per month. I can actually see how he is financially destroying himself.)<p>I told him that I will have to think about this and that I will get back to him.<p>Then came the amnesia part:- Because I am not communicating with him he does not know what to do - I thank God that I have read SAA, I really could not believe that after all the correspondence and reminders I've given he could tell me this. Please tell me what does he want?<p>My attorney advised me not to give in to him regarding the splitting of any cost. I feel this is going to be a huge LBuster again. I feel like negotiating and telling him I will pay for 3yo D dancing lessons and he can carry music cost. <p>I've been in Pan A now for a month and over weekend I kind off Pan B, I made sure I was not at home when he collected DD's for weekend. For past month I have also prayed to God to put "hedge of thorns" around WS. I believe in the power of prayer.<p>Could this have had the change of heart. Also hearing from 9yo that things is not going so well between WS and OW. I think the racial and cultural differences is starting to surface now. I also think that WS is going into depression. He comes from a family that suffers from depression and his youngest brother committed suicide a year ago due to depression. I love and I care about him so it is very difficult for me because I can see the signs but cannot do anything about it.<p>Please give me some input I would dearly appreciate it.

Hi Ginny,<p>I'm sorry your post languished without responses, I don't have any pratical advice for you at this moment. But I am bumping you to the first page so you get visibility.<p>Stay strong in your Plan A!<p>Love,
Jo

Hi Ginny,<p>It is tough to sit and watch someone destroy themselves--both emotionally and physically. My H continually says that I don't communicate with him about the kids. But when I do, he conveniently forgets.<p>Part of the FOG I think. <p>I would go with your advice from your attorney where it concerns the welfare of your children--it is expensive to leave your family.<p>Hope you are doing ok. Take Care

Ginny- <p>It is hard watching them self destruct- and the non logical amnesia is so normal unfortunately. It's referred to by some as moose brain worms. It's referred to by others as watching your spouse being abducted by aliens.<p>The hard part is accepting their is absolutely nothing you can do at this point but to wait for him to hit bottom and for the affair to die to help him or change him. Nothing.<p>You can Plan A- but you cannot meet his emotional needs unless he lets you. The best thing you can do right now is just to allow your faith in God to give you strength to hold on and keep the door open via means of Plan A. A good plan A should be a little detached- you definititely don't want to be clingy or demanding, and obviously it is working. He called you. He's showing that he's thinking about you by doing that. So I'm thinking that you're doing good, keep up the good work. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Stay patient, stay strong, and don't take much he says or does right now to heart- chalk to off to a bad infection of moose brain worms, but it is a temporary condition.<p>http://www.dnr.state.mn.us/information_and_education/publications/volunteer /articles/brainworm.html<p>[ February 03, 2002: Message edited by: ScaredInNY ]<p>[ February 03, 2002: Message edited by: ScaredInNY ]</p>

Sounds like you are doing a good plan a, I am sorry that your spouse is so infected wtih the moose brain worms.... just keep your side of the track clean... and pray for him... you can do that for the depression... le t go and let god... but pray. Hgus to you, HONEY