I am having first counseling session with Steve Harley tomorrow. For those of you who have done it-any advice you can give me to get the most out of my hour? I have had counseling experiences before where I felt like nothing was accomplished in the first couple of sessions and I wa being "bilked" for more and more sessions. At $145 a session, I hope Steve is nothing like this.<p>Do you suggest I write up a list of Q's, or maybe
idenitfy some specific issues to discuss, or should I let Steve set the agenda?

Hi Boppo!
sorry havent talked to the harley's but they do have an article in the articles section that might answer some of your questions.<p>Its called how to find a good MC
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7100_counselor.html#sec3<p>of course you found one, but it also lists what to expect from the first and second sessions. He partially describes how he does things.
here is a cut and paste:
What to Expect In the First Session (Intake)<p>If you see a counselor in a clinic or suite of counseling offices, a receptionist should be present and the waiting room should be pleasant and relaxing. You should register at the desk when you arrive and you'll be asked to complete registration forms and contracts. Read them carefully. You may also be asked to complete insurance forms.<p>Most "hour" sessions are actually forty-five minutes. Fifteen minutes are taken by the counselor to complete notes and prepare for the next session. While I've always tried to time my sessions carefully, I try to be flexible and considerate at the end of each hour. Sometimes I find myself giving a couple an extra fifteen minutes to pull themselves together, putting me fifteen minutes behind for my next couple. The extra fifteen minutes between sessions helps me catch up when I'm running behind.<p>Punctuality is very important. While most counselors will sometimes run about half an hour late, it should not be a pattern. Your time is important, and you shouldn't be expected to waste it waiting for your counselor. Complain if it becomes a problem.<p>Most marriage counselors see couples together in the first session, but I do not. Instead, I see each person separately for fifteen minutes so that I can gain their individual perspectives. Besides, I've seen too many fights break out when I see couples together for the first time. For your own comfort and security, I recommend that you see your counselor separately, at least briefly, during the first session.<p>The purpose of the first session is to familiarize yourself with the counselor. He has almost no opportunity to discover how to solve your problem at that point, but you can often determine your comfort and confidence in him/her. If you or your spouse react negatively to his/her style, find another counselor. He/she is there to inspire you and if he/she doesn't do that, you'll be wasting your time.<p>The counselor will ask you why you've come to see him/her, and you should answer that you've come for help in restoring love to your marriage. When you're asked to be more specific, you explain that you've both developed habits that hurt each other more than they help each other, and that you want to develop more constructive habits. You want to learn to meet each other's needs and avoid being the cause of each other's unhappiness. You go on to explain that you want him/her to help you achieve that goal.<p>At the end of the session, you're seen together and asked to complete forms so that he/she can evaluate your marital problem. I use my Love Busters Inventory (LBI), my Emotional Needs Questionnaire (ENQ) and a test of romantic love. <p>The LBI and ENQ are available to you in this site. If the counselor does not use these forms for his evaluation, you may suggest providing them to him to help determine your goals.<p>I usually try to schedule the second appointment for no more than a week later. If possible, I try to see the couple within a few days. This is because they are usually suffering from their problems and would like relief as soon as possible. I can't give them any advice after the first session because I don't know much yet. The advice comes after I've had a chance to review the forms they complete.

Hi, Boppo!
Will you be calling by yourself? Did they send you a questionnaire to complete and send in?<p>Steve is very good at setting the agenda, asking the questions, leading the discussion. You will accomplish a lot. He's very good, IMO. He is easy to talk to, a VERY smart man, and very experienced at handling these issues we're all going through. It won't hurt to have some questions prepared, just in case. Definitely have a notepad to take notes! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>When I called in the first time, my reluctant H actually called in as well. He spent most of the time talking to him alone. My second call was by myself (H was supposed to have his own 2nd appointment and backed out). He asked lots of questions like identifying the LB's that bug your spouse, how your Plan A is going, the amount love in your love bank for your spouse, how YOU are doing emotionally, and recommends a course of action - at least to begin with - and specifics on how to behave, what to say, etc.<p>Hope this helps. Let us know how it goes.<p>[ February 05, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

Boppo,<p>When I counselled with Steve, I sent him an email prior to our first session. This email gave him all the details in writing, so he could have that handy when we talked. You might not accomplish alot in terms of the first session, but I do recommend that you give it several sessions before you judge the merits. I had to pay out of pocket, but I looked at this as an investment in my family and myself. Even though my marriage ended, counselling with Steve was one more thing that made me feel that I had given 100% and done everything possible in terms of those things that I could control. So, I feel like I got my money's worth, even though my marriage was not restored.<p>Best of luck to you, Desiree