This is just too incredible not to mention.<p>Brief background - I filed for divorce to establish a stable visitation arrangement with my WH for my kids and kids to be because he is a controlling person and was making my life H***. And there is no separation action in my state.<p>Anyway, technically our 6 month period for living separate and apart to qualify us for filing a divorce in our case is up on 2/25/02. We are having a hearing to set up a temporary custody and financial agreement on 2/26/02 and I'm going to have labor induced on 2/27/02. Well, my H has decided that he doesn't want to waste a hearing and would rather just have the divorced finalized on the 26th making our daughter a legitimate [censored].<p>Of course, he blames me for having to do this because I filed and wanted the hearing before the baby was born. (I wanted the hearing before the baby was born because I don't know how long I'll need for recovery time and with all of those sleepless nights(without H's help)I need stablility and won't be in te best position to prepare for a hearing for awhile after the birth).<p>Anyway, WH is all excited now with this new project and wants to begin dividing up the property ASAP. He has a storage unit already and as soon as I'm home from the hospital he says he's going to start moving stuff out of the house.<p>Now, how tacky is that! He says he loves his children, but wants to make one a [censored]. And then while I'm incapacitated he wants to begin to take all our things. <p>Of course, now he swears up and down he was going to wait to file until after the baby was born. Yeah, right. And the only thing I can get from him regarding the baby is - call me when you're in labor.<p>Is he in another world or what?!? Definitely a world with LOTS OF FOG!!!!!!!!<p>Oh, and the kicker is that he whined about not being able to see the kids, and so he kept them Sun. pm through Mon. afternoon and the entire time he spent with OW and her kids and our kids. My oldest is putting 2 and 2 together and knows that daddy is dating OW - which daddy is trying to hide(they're just friends from work). But it galls me to think that WH is about to have a child and yet he's out frolicking (and still lying about it to everyone) with OW. I know there is worse happening out there. But this is worse for me and the kids. And WH wants me just to lie to the kids and say he's not dating and that daddy is just the most wonderful person on the face of the earth. <p>Just had to vent a little.<p>K

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by God is in Control:
<strong>
Well, my H has decided that he doesn't want to waste a hearing and would rather just have the divorced finalized on the 26th making our daughter a legitimate [censored].<p>K</strong><hr></blockquote><p>You can do that in your state? I know that in the state I live in my attorney told me that when there is a confirmed pregnancy within the marriage that no divorce decree can be granted until the child is born (I found out I was pregnant 3 days after my H walked out). I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

Venting with a valid reason. In your condition, H should be worried. <p>Hugz..... I am sorry you are dealing with such an airhead [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] . Let him do all the paperwork. Decide whether sharing info to expose his life is what you need to do. I don't mean blackmail, I mean telling the truth. Don't enable his situation by keeping his secret. Little ones know a lot more than they let on. <p>I don't want to make more stress for you so just do what you need to make it through this time. This really should be a happy time for you and your little one. <p>Hugz,
L.

I'm in a bit of a mood tonight (I think it's b/c I'm tired), but your post has triggerred feelings in me from a year ago when I was in a similar situation.<p>I know you didn't ask for any advice, but have you thought about working on dividing up the household stuff now? If you have any family or friends nearby that could help you with your packing, then all the better.<p>That was something I felt important to do last year. I was preparing for the arrival of the twins, and didn't want to deal with H's crap lying around MY house. I gave him a deadline to get it, even had it prepacked for him!, and made sure he stuck to it. (Mega LB's - I told him if he didn't get his stuff by a certain day, I'd have it sitting on the curb - and he knows I would do it too).<p>The visitation thing is a whole new can of worms. The fact that your H has taken the kids out with the OW burns my a$$!!! My H wanted to do the same thing with OW#1 and her daughter (little brat too!) with our (at the time) 1 1/2 yr old. This girl used to be friends with our son, Andrew (who passed away). I flat out said to H, "How do you think Andrew would feel knowing that you're f**king around with his friend's mum???". Of course, he chose to ignore my comment. Damn fog. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>By the way, I'm curious, have you come to a decision on what to do about when you're in labour?<p>Karen

Well, we'll see what the judge does, and we'll see if my H can even get it together fast enough to get the hearing transformed into a true divorce hearing - he also complains about how he is working everyday and doesn't have time to prepare for the hearing and that I knew this and that is why I planned it the hearing at this time - just more me me me me comments.<p>I would divide up the stuff before the baby - but there is really nothing of his here anymore - except for his comic book collection. I don't know what else he thinks he's going to take. And dividing property takes months and years - he knows that. Of course he was starting to say something about the fact that I would necessarily be able to keep all the baby furniture and baby things ........<p>Everybody knows about the A and what a jerk my WH is being - it's just that my WH still thinks that if he doesn't talk about it that no one will feel the hurt he's causing and that as long as it's not mentioned, everyone will just treat him the same way. <p>He wants to think that this is a normal divorce situation. However I had to remind him that while yes, many people divorce, most people don't treat their spouses the way he has been treating me - especially by totally ignoring any of my needs during the pregnancy. He also doesn't think that anyone at his work cares about what he's doing, and yet they are all calling him names behind his back because he's acting like such a creep. And nurse OW doesn't want anyone to know she's having an A with a doctor. (Looks bad in her eyes).<p>And what gets me is that he still sneaks around and thinks no one will know unless I tell them. It's so obvious to his family that when he doesn't come home(still living with his parents) and leaves his second car at another location, that he's with the OW. Does he think we're all that stupid?!?<p>The kids know too, and he was not bringing them around together, but he likes to say that now that I filed, he can do whatever he wants - I guess that also means making bad parenting decisions. And I was wondering why on Mon. am he didn't want to take the boys to their counseling session. Could it be because they may have mentioned what daddy was doing?!?!?!<p>As for H is in the delivery room question, the verdict is still out. I want my daughter to have her father be a part of her life, but if we're divorced, and he continues to act like such an A&&, then emotionally I may not be able to handle it. I know that he may bond at that time with daughter and that it would make OW jealous, and that it would be the easy way out for him not to have him be there because then he could just blame me for being such an mean evil person and give him justification in his eyes to do what he's been doing all this time. But I will have to do what I can handle, no matter what implications WH reads into it. This is no longer the me revolve around WH world, and he hates it! But sooner or later he'll get the picture. And I won't always be around to blame for his sad life. (Of course he'll continue to blame me for all of his problems for as long as he can).<p>I also came to the realization that God does not want me and the kids to be in pain, but for some reason God is still letting this all happen. So I have to trust that it is for a good reason, and just keep in touch with God and see where He leads me. <p>I also got a sign today to keep perservering in prayer - remember the bible verse about the widow who kept coming to the judge and the judge ruled in her favor just to keep her from coming back to bother him. <p>I see so many workings of God in my life, so I know that the prayers are helping. It's just difficult sometimes not to see the big picture and know what's going to happen next. I'm the kind of person who likes to have a plan and to work toward accomplishing the plan - this living day to day stuff is so different for me, although I have to say that I am actually enjoying it because I can really enjoy so much more of life not rushing through to the next thing.<p>I also know that even though evil is powerful, God is so much more powerful, and it is comforting the God is in Control.<p>Thanks for the replies. I'm hanging in there. I hope I don't deliever aby earlier than the 27th which will be 38 1/2 weeks, but these Braxton Hicks contractions are mighty powerful and I'm already 2cm dialated - so we'll see.<p>K<p>[ February 13, 2002: Message edited by: God is in Control ]</p>