"So you saw your H "letting go" and "getting on with life". How important was that in your mental process?"<p>Let me explain that after the tornado I tried to be there for my husband and help him get through all his emotions as best as I could. When I was ready to grieve, after I thought he could handle it..he was quite a jerk. Then, when I'd justified everything I needed and dreamed up the wonderful life that OM and I would have together...my husband pulled the "poor me" routine. First the tornado now this...poor me... He went so far as to ask if I'd still cut his hair and cook for him, if I'd help him find someone else etc... He mentioned that he still loved me, but he practically held the door open while he said it. It hurt and just made me all the madder and ready to get the he!! out. I was hurting deeply...I wanted someone to hold me and be strong for ME instead of always leaning on support FROM me. At first, that was the OM. But...just as soon as I changed my mind the first time...that started to change. And as the roller coaster progressed it got worse. Once I was out and able to deal with my emotions with some space and with the help of a counselor...I became stronger. The OM progressively became weaker...like I said, to the point of stalking me. Driving by my house to see if I was home, calling at the H's house or even some friends of ours we still hung out with and hanging up...I knew it was him.<p>Shoot....company is here. I will finish this later. I apologize!!!<p>How much "love busting" did OM do and how much did your H do? (Disrespectful judgements, angry outbursts, etc.) How much did THAT affect you?<p>Can I throw out a hypothetical question... if your H had broken off all contact with you - in a "loving way" (i.e., I can't see or speak to you because it hurts too much, knowing that you're with OM) - how might that have affected your perspective during the A? (I know what the MB crowd is thinking - J.R. - it's not about MAKING the WS DO ANYTHING - it's about protecting you - I'm just curious from the WS perspective what the world might look like - my guess is that you already had enough to deal with on your own, it might not have mattered too much. Sounds like your H is a strong person.)<p>How important was being ALONE and AWAY from H in coming to the point where your feelings started to change? Could you have done it in the same house, do you think (again, hypothetical)?<p>Another hypothetical... if you had to be around OM frequently, such as having to work with him during the A, do you think it would have been harder for you to stop? I guess what I'm trying to get at is the process that took place for you to go from seeing him one way (totally "in love") to a completely different way (selfish, etc.) - whether that shift would be able to take place with nearly constant contact. (You can tell this is what I'm wrestling with - WW and OM work very closely - she's his mentor!)<p>Which leads into my response to Mark on "no contact" - I agree that it's essential. Dr.Harley counsels it for very good reason as explained in SAA - it's an addiction, and the only effective way to treat addicitions of any kind is total avoidance - for life. Which is rather sad, because an addict is often losing out on something (well, except for the druggie maybe). An alcoholic is missing out on the joy of light social drinking, for example. The WS is missing out on what could have been a nice friendship with OP, instead of having to avoid them forever.

Hello,<p>During my IC session with Steve today, we talked about my confrontation with WH this weekend. He said it wasn't a good sign that there was a lack of consideration for me and no remorse when WH talked about OW1 &OW2. (I was amazed that he even told me!) After thing about it , Steve is right.<p>So, I'm headed for plan B. It's complicated, we own and operate a business together (he works out of state & I do the administrative stuff.) It's a two person business. There are lots of things to think through. I meet with an attorney tomorow just so I know where I stand. I'm also talking to a realtor, cuz there is no way I could keep this house on my own.<p>Today, I went through what I had to do, calmly & serenly. Now this evening, the full impact of this is hitting me, It's scary & it's hurtful.MYs tomach is in knots again. WH says I'm loosing it. Yeah I sure am, Iv'e lost my sense of security, I've lost the H I once knew & loved, I lost him as a father. That's what I call losing it.<p>This weekend, I'm going to visit our oldest son to tell him what is going on because the following week he is going up to see his dad.<p>Any workd of wisdom, or things that I need to consider. Any support is welcome.<p>Thank God for these boards

Hope4future,<p>Sorry, I was trying to copy my post from one forum to another & it ended up here. <p>You probably read reply & thought were sis this come from! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]