My wife (WS) moved all her clothes into the spare bedroom over the weekend. She has been sleeping in there the past few nights. She has her own little place to retreat to. She has her cell phone which she has been receiving all her phone calls on it for the past few months. None of her friends call the regular house number any more. My wife wanted a six month separation but the counselor recommended that we try a separation where we live under the same roof but we are more like rommmates.
I am getting close to the point to saying to my wife go get this so called independance you keep talking about. I am going to try this situation we are in for a little bit but if I think my wife is just getting her cake and eating it to. Well I think I am going to say if you want to leave then leave.
The following is an email that my wife wrote me today. She knows I am very down because of how she is treating me. I don't hide the fact that she has hurt me and still is hurting me. This is what she wrote. Tell me what you think of it.
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Hey -
I just wanted to send you a quick email and Thank You for giving me (and us) an opportunity to see where we stand. I know that all of this crap that's going on is extremely difficult on you and me, but especially on you because that's not where you want to be when it comes to us. I just think that I need to clear my head and try something different to see if anything changes
within me or not. So, thanks for being so patient and for giving me the space that I truly need right now. You have been great to me and I just want you to know that I do appreciate it. I am also sorry for making you miserable, but please believe me when I tell you that I am NOT doing any of this to intentionally hurt you or make you miserable.
That's all. Feel free to call or email if you have the urge to talk to me - it won't bother me at all.
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Can someone tell me what she is trying to say? It sounds like she is trying to see if she will become happy with this new situation she is trying out. This is refering back to the part that my wife is unhappy in her life and she has said this a lot of times.
If anyone can give me any advice or any feedback of where I am at in this I would appreciate it. I do keep myself busy and do a lot of things. But to be honest I am still questioning why someone who said they cared and loved me for almost nine years is doing this.
Thanks...

cg<p>I wish I had some real words of wisdom for you--I don't. <p>I can tell you that nearly word-for-word your e-mail could have been writtne by my W (WS).<p>We are now on our second separation....she is off on her own trying to figure out if she can live without me and what that would be like.<p>I can tell you that as hard as it is...you may still be better with her in the house. I know there are people here who will suggest that she may need to completely move out to see what it would be like, but at least with her there you cna have some sort of a relationship.<p>I couldn't agree more...this is Soooooo hard...<p>Hang tough buddy, take it a day at a time... hopefully she will realize what she is missing...<p>E

Man don't know much what to say. But if you want her, do what she asks. I told my H to go F*** the girl if he wanted to. Is that LBing or what? I hate that word. My point was that I like your approach. It's straightforward and you show that you deserve respect. You also show that you love her and want her back. You know where the two of you stand. Evaluate where you want to be next year and make goals to get there. If she doesn't mind if you contact her, don't LB, but I think s you should to contact her. There's a book that I recommended before called, "Wild At Heart". The author, John Eldredge, says that men need an adventure to go on, and a beauty to rescue. Not only that, but the beauty wants to be rescued. Did you see Shrek? That's most women. She wants you to fight for her, man. I think you've done a great job right now. You may not be strong, and she needs to see that, because that shows you care. But, she doesn't want you to let the guy get away with her. She wants you to fight for her. Fight hard. Do everything you can to win her back. And then give her the ultimatum. That will say, "I'm strong, I will protect you more than this arrogant weenie, and I will not share you. If you want me, then you want only me, and I will meet all your needs to the best of my ability." You might beat on your chest for punctuation (LOL). This is just my take. Maybe someone else can offer something else and to the rightness or wrongness of this advice. Take care man.

confused_guy,<p>Be patience, she notice you are trying and be nice to her. You see slight guilt in her email and try to accomodate you a bit leaving you to take action to talk to her. Talk to her about the day and about nothing important. It is very hard but you have to let her go and you have to come to the point when you will be fine w/ or w/o your W. Do not chase her, do not talk about R, even less than a roommate. Let her see if she likes it. Last Thursday my D caught my W crying then later the night she went to OM. I do not persue her, she know she could come back anytime on my terms. I let her to see if OM solves her unhappiness. We have to removes ourself in their path of misbelief/A so that we are not going to be the punching bag and let time reveal the truth.<p>Snoop too to find out about your plan A ... Boppo57 did that on OM and help him alot, I did it last week and found many clue to her uncertainty and hope ... you might have to get her detail bill on her cell ... most of cell provider offers online viewing. No matter what you find, promise us that you will be venting here before doing anything.