(((((( zorweb )))))) thank you for the advice [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I jumped the gun when I said my 180 wasn't working. Basically what I did was completely stop calling him for anything at all.I stopped discussing our marriage. I stopped saying I love you. I started doing things on my own and with friends and the big one I started acting happy, and I do mean acting.<p>My H is one of those people who knows everyone. Whenever we go anywhere people talk to him - mainly women. I always asked "who is that?". Yesterday we went out together to buy things for Easter. I met him at the mall and as always every 3 steps women were stopping him, saying hello and what not. I never once asked him who any of them were. He seemed mystified by it. Also when he stopped to talk I went on my merry way by myself.<p>When we finished, I told H I would be stopping at my friends house and that I would see him at home in a while. I smiled, climbed into my car and drive off, leaving him standing there looking confused. Close to 90 minutes later I got home and walked into the kitchen where H was cooking dinner much to my surprise. He has never done this the entire time we were married. I told him it smelled good and walked into the bedroom to put the Easter things away before the kids got home. There on my pillow was a single red rose. I was stunned. When I went back to the kitchen I thanked him for the rose and put it into a vase and sat down to read the newspaper. <p>The kids came home and asked where the rose came from. H said "daddy bought it to show mommy that he loves her". I was speechless. He spent time last night, talking to me about things he'd like to do to the house, some remodeling etc. He told me he had ordered some rose bushes I wanted and had a landscaper coming to spruce things up. I was sitting there thinking to myself "who is this man and what did he do with my H" lol<p>I went to bed - we still aren't sleeping in the same room, my decision - and this morning when I woke up, he had already gone to work. He made my coffee which is also something new and left me a not that said "You're special to me and I'm sorry I haven't been good enough to you but I'm trying". It made me cry.<p>So things are looking up and hopefully soon we'll be on the road to a complete recovery. I know there will be many more bumps in the road but I'm much more calm and content with myself so I think I can get through this. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>For anyone who wants to read zorweb's awesome advice - look here <p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=016236

Outstanding!

Wow!!!<p>I’m happy for you. Just keep it up.<p>That advice was copied from the www.divorcebusting.com site. I’ve been reading the books “Divorce Busting” and “Getting Through to the Man You Love”. They have given me a totally different perspective on my marriage and relationships in general. And… the concepts work very well within the MB framework. <p>For example.. doing a 180 can help Plan A. <p>Wow!!!<p>I’m happy for you. Just keep it up.<p>That advice was copied from the www.divorcebusting.com site. I’ve been reading the books “Divorce Busting” and “Getting Through to the Man You Love”. They have given me a totally different perspective on my marriage and relationships in general. And… the concepts work very well within the MB framework. <p>For example.. doing a 180 can help Plan A. <p>I’m so happy for you. Keep up the good work. And have a great day.

In case it comes up, in The Divorce Remedy, Michele says that if your spouse asks any questions about your changes in behavior to be vague, something like "I'm just thinking things over." [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

I am so almost crying.<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Cali

Conqueror... thanks for that tidpit. Will be needing it myself. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

I'm in tears reading this post. <p>God Bless<p>
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How cool is this! Thanks for the uplifting post.<p>Estes

I'm so happy for you Tiny Dancer. God Bless those 180's.<p>Jo

Tiny,
So cool. Dont cave in. He willpressure you to go back to the "old dance" dont do it you lead for a while.

Thank you everyone, for the advice and encouragement that got me to where I am. <p>I thought I had just made some minor changes but I guess it's enough that my H asked both daughters and my sister if I seem different. All 3 said no lol so H is very confused by this.<p>I think I have felt a bit more empowered since the dinner party when I faced the OW and therefore lost my fear of seeing her. It wasn't easy but it was worth it.<p>I'm sticking to this and I actually feel better about myself after losing all the clinginess and suspicion. I was always so confidant and this mess stole that from me but I'm getting it back little by little.<p>Again, thank you all. God bless [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

TD,
I'm am just so happy for you. This new strength you have found will serve you well no matter what your H does. <p>I liked the DB materials too, it gave me more to work with in Plan A, because for a long time, I didn't get the mechanics of HOW in daily situations.<p>There's another book, HOW TO GET YOUR LOVER BACK by Blase Harris that works in this same way. And, YOUR HUSBAND'S MIDLIFE CRISIS by Conway.

Thanks Lor - I was online waiting for my daughter to get ready to go to the library. I'll check for both books while we're there [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]