I owe several people some replies – sorry! I have been busy & I get caught up on this where I end up spending the day here, when I need to work. You all have been great with great insights & compassion that have helped me a lot – Thanks!! I even heard from some new people, which is very nice -- thanks again!<p>Recently, I decided to do this dance “my way” for a change of pace.<p>Something that BINthere said a while back that have stuck with me ( I believe she heard at a seminar) – People tend to not respect ones that they have deceived. (WS to BS)and I believe in my case there is also lots of evidence that my DW has and perhaps continues to take me for granted! (again, as BINthere and I believe others suggested may be the case!)<p>A couple weeks ago my DW was very disrespectful when I called her at home on her day off a second time within 30 minutes – in a short & sarcastic tone she told me that she did not have time to “Chit-Chat.” The more I thought about it, the more upset I got. This has been an issue for years – she determines what is important or not & if it is not within her priority list, my calls are annoying -- I told myself, then her that I am absolute sick & tired of that attitude & it has got to the point that the next time she lays that on me, it will be the last time, we are through! In so many words. I mean what kind of a relationship do we have if I don’t have the freedom to call her when I want to!!!
I made it stick for a couple days – when we talked, she said she talked with her boss & her boss told her that she had a right to tell me that she was busy & did not wish to talk – I replied that may be the case, but that does not give you the right to be rude to me!! This attitude has been around way too long – to me it tells me that if you rarely want to talk to me during the day (or when she is away visiting family or whatever, she would always say, “don’t call me unless it is really important!” I say this is BS!!<p>In our heart to heart about the calling thing, she brought up that she was not going to change the way she dresses. This was without me saying one word about her manner of dress. I replied that I understand. I said let me understand, “That you will not make any alteration for my benefit or No matter how I feel, you will not do anything to meet my needs?” … Or something like this anyway. She would not confirm this and she got off that topic. I mean, this confirms a lot don’t you think?
Then, a few days later she came home when I was already home, cause most of the time I have left before she is ready & GET HOME AFTER SHE HAS RETURNED, S MANY DAYS I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE WEARS, WHICH IS PROBABLY BEST! She is wearing the most conservative look that I have seen in tow years. I compliment her & she expressed some light hearted things that the girls at work noticed & she described her look as the flight attendant look. She said the girls at her work told her that I would like this. I said, Oh, they know I have some concerns with how you dress at times & she just smiles & she said her boss’s husband wanted her to show more cleavage that day – as if to say, it is so confusing, you men! Not that difficult for me – she is not married to her boss’s husband! Dahh! But I went with the flow!
On Monday I tell her that I will probably go to my evening meeting. I then decided to not go & I was home when she got there –
In her black leather pants . Now maybe I am Mr. Prude here, but to me this is a “Hot Babe” look, but I made a disrespectful remark making that inference. She of course took exception & told me that three ladies that day told her how nice she looked (Remember, she had said before she really likes the compliments from both the guys & gals!) and that one said she had a pair, but needed to lose 10 lbs. before she could wear them. She also said that there were ladies in the department store at the mall where she works that wear the leather pants.<p>I said in a very stern tone, “Don’t Bull ShXT me, if you want to tell me that this is not the “Look at me, I’m a Hot mommy look,” that’s fine but most people would think like me, it’s the “Hot Look” -- I told her that XXXX, one of her divorced cousins, she hung out with when in Indiana, asked me when she wore those pants out there this fall, “And you let her wear those “hot” pants?” She had no comment to that. Do you really think, in her mind, that she is [b]not[/b} going for this “Hot Look?” What has gotten so irritating is that I believe she thinks that she can control me or convince me about my own feeling about this & she is “working” me that I am some loony tune, over jealous, insecure guy, with absolutely no justification to speak my mind on this?!
As I have said before, I am not a perfect husband,, I have had lust in my heart. I have been out with girl chasing guys. I work with as guy that will strike up a conversation with a gals on the elevator, at the gas station, in the airport – it matters not. It is always a very innocent, friendly gesture, but there is always one objective – get a date to have sex!<p>I know this “Hot Look” when I see it!! She will never agree of course, so here we are. I’m the untrusting smuck and she is the warm and outgoing, fun loving beauty. This is why it is best I leave before she does & get home afterwards & I don’t call or ask too many questions. Convenient, huh<p>I am actually not feeling sorry for myself, or feeling upset – trying to just lay back -- see no evil, feel no evil I guess is my posture now. Don’t obsess!!<p>Anyway, am I totally out of it? Is this just me? Would you agree, wearing the tight leather pants to work as a retail person in a home decorating store is making a statement?<p>I don’t know that I need to justify my feelings – She would want me to think that this style of dress is not in the least bit provocative & perfectly natural, to be in “Style” To me it is in style for a single gal going out dancing and looking for some attention and ultimately some action. <p>I mean if she wants to dress this way, that is what she is going to do, but do I have to eat crap and pretend it is something other than what it is?! Why can’t we be honest here & call it like it is?! She says I am too sensitive when I get upset when she cuts me off and is disrespectful to me about me calling her, yet she goes into her stupor and gets all upset when I tell her what I think about her “Look” – what is wrong with this picture?<p>She still insists that her “Brittany Spear” kind of look (she does not show her midriff, but very close!) – tight hipsters with tight short tops, is not juvenile, yet right after D-Day she confessed that the teenagers in her church theater group had commented that they like her because she dressed like them & she said this in a tone that she realized this was not appropriate. Her dress in most cases is no different now than then. She is 5’5” to 5’6” AND 124 LBS. (MAYBE A LITTLE LESS NOW, WITH HER BULIMIA?!), BUT I NOTICED SHE JUST BOUGHT A TOP, SIZED “S” AND STRETCH PANTS SIZED “4” -- WHEN OUR DAUGHTER WAS HOME, I NOTICED THE TOP SE WORE WAS A “LARGE!”<p>I know there is not much you can say, but I felt compelled to give you an update.<p>We are actually getting along fine the last couple days – she has been pleasant & respectful & I of course have made an even bigger effort to not call her! I am trying to detach in a way – not be so needy!<p>I can call my mom more often during the day, she won’t get annoyed! I have a couple good guy friends as well – they of course always take my calls and don’t mind a chat once in a while!<p>And of course I have my friends here – thanks for listening!!<p>Just another day in the jungle<p>Sorry, I got carried away again!
Peace,
HH
