So there we were, FWS and I playing UNO with the local news on in the background. The news ends and NBC starts their preview of Leno.. tonight with Richard Gere(star of that wonderful new movie "Unfaithful"). I first think "uh oh, there's no escaping this". Then I start worrying, I don't want to sit through his promotion of this movie, I don't want to watch a clip of it. And most importantly, I don't want to be upset in front of my FWS by being triggered, or making her feel uncomfortable with this being thrown right in her face. She knows these things are upsetting to me and is VERY comforting, but I still don't like to be triggered, I don't want her to feel worse because she does feel remorseful towards everything she did and we're doing a great job of getting past this, so being reminded of the pain is something we try to avoid.<p>So anyway, I don't jump up and turn the channel, I don't say anything. We just keep playing UNO. Gere was Leno's first guest and they start chit chatting about normal stuff, then they start talking about the movie. I couldn't stand it, I hopped up, walked into the kitchen and made tea until it was over. I went back in and she had changed the channel, I think she knew what I was doing by going into the kitchen. We were quite at first, I could feel a little tension. But it didn't last long, I cracked a joke or something, then it went back to normal, we finished our game and went to the bedroom with no discussion of Leno. <p>Later when we were sitting in bed, now playing Phase-10(fun game BTW) she asked me what was wrong. At first I said nothing, but quickly changed my answer... I said, "honey, can I ask you something?" she said sure, "were you instanly attracted to him?" she said no, not at all. She said she doesn't know how the attraction started but it wasn't an instant attraction. Then she asked me where that came from(she was wonderful through it all, never bothered, very understanding). I told her how that movie had upset me. I apolgized for bringing it up and thanked her for being so understanding and patient. I told her that it wasn't her fault, she did nothing at all to upset me... it was just a stupid trigger.<p>Then she said... and this is one of the reasons why I know that we are in a true recovery and I can be hopeful about our future together.... "JB, don't apolgize to me, I am the one who is sorry, this is my fault and I am so sorry." I of course told her that is wasn't(she quickly said yes it is), I told her she didn't make the movie, she didn't book Gere as Leno's guest, she didn't go on TV promoting the movie. It wasn't her fault I was triggered. <p>Then we held each other for a minute, told each other how much we love each other and
everything was perfect then she finished kicking my butt in Phase-10 and we went to sleep.<p>I'm writing this today because this movie really creeps me out, I even went to their website to watch the trailer and read up on it. Read a few reviews of the script on different sites and most of them didn't like the script, it's a remake of an old french story. So I'm hoping it flops and in a few weeks I'll never hear of it again. I just wanted to write a little here this morning and get it off my chest. Thanks for listening!<p>I hope everyone have a great weekend! <p>oh yeah, I guess I should ask a question or something... So, how do you and your BS/WS handle it being thrown in your face like that?<p>TTFN - JB<p>[ April 19, 2002: Message edited by: kb4jb ]</p>

JB,
Most of the time we handle it exactly like you did..straight forward with a lot of love..seems to work pretty well, doesn't it.<p>Funny, it IS his reaction to these trigger things that makes me love him more..open, honest, considerate....may be some of the more intimate moments of our lives.<p>T

Yep,
It was a trigger for me too, but my H was already asleep, so it didn't come up between us. You handled it very well, good for you!<p>By the way, I thought Richard Gere looked absolutely awful... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Gray hair usually looks sexy on guys, but he really needs to get some grecian formula!

Hey Twyla and Ladysing58... thanks for your input!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Twyla:
<strong>Funny, it IS his reaction to these trigger things that makes me love him more..open, honest, considerate....may be some of the more intimate moments of our lives.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Exactly! I appreciated her reaction to me more than I can explain. She's been the best!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Ladysing58:
<strong>It was a trigger for me too, but my H was already asleep, so it didn't come up between us. You handled it very well, good for you!</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Thanks! I would have rather changed the channel when I saw what was coming, but I didn't want to make an issue of it.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>Gray hair usually looks sexy on guys</strong><hr></blockquote><p>LOL! I hope so.. because of all this stress for the last year I've grown a few myself. Oh well, at least it's hot enough to start going to the pool and letting the sun bleach out my hair a little.<p>
Quick update... not related to last night at all.
My FWS is sick with a headache today, so after I dropped the kids off to school, I went back by the apartment to check on her. She had me stay with her a few minutes, laying in bed, to comfort her. Gave her a kiss, then went to work. Came home at lunch and she was on the sofa, I sat down beside her, she was still feeling bad, but better. We just sat there and held each other for a while, then she said how wonderful it felt for me to hold her. She said that anytime she's been sick(she get migranes ofter) just me being there, rubbing her back or whatever, makes her feel better, and that no one, not even her parents could give her that soothing feeling but me. Then I looked at her and she was crying, told me how much she loves and appreciates everything I do for her... almost made me cry. Anyway, just wanted to add this... like I said it had nothing to do with last night, just a very nice lunch hour.<p>[ April 19, 2002: Message edited by: kb4jb ]</p>

same thing happened to me last night with leno-not the richard gear thing but he had a lot of infidelity jokes again. im tempted to e-mail him and ask him to picture his wife with someone else and then tell me he thinks its still funny.