I would LOVE to hear how (during Plan A) I can 'detach' myself from caring what WH does with OW--meeting her, talking to her on his cell phone and at work and lying to me about it. Yet at the same time, I'm supposed to be meeting his ENs! I'm trying to do this and actually got thru Sunday without uttering one LB! That must be a first for me!! I did not say ONE WORD about A! But I'm having trouble figuring this out.....<p>The fact of the matter to me is that meeting ENs of my H requires that I really care about him. And if I care about him, then I care about WHAT HE DOES! <p>I have been working really hard to meet his EN. We filled out the ENQ a few weeks ago while out of town for Easter. I know where I wasn't meeting all his EN before A, and clearly there was one place I dropped the ball and allowed OW to step in and meet the need he has for recreational companionship. I do not drink so I never went to bars with him. He's alcoholic so it is very painful for me to see him drink. During our talk about the ENQ I told him I would be willing to go out with him if he wanted me to. All he has to do is ask me to go and I will. He said it would make him very happy to have me with him. He's invited me 3 times to go out with him after work to meet a group of people from work. OW does not come when I am there. Everyone is very nice to me and WH tells me they like me a lot more than OW (who works with them). I've actually had fun getting to know them and my H seems to drink less with me there. That's a first! He says he loves me to be with him and likes 'showing me off.'<p>WH told me that he would never have formed R w/OW if I had been going out with him last fall. She was there and made herself very available for talking, flattering him, etc. I know it's not my fault; I have lots of unmet EN and I didn't have an A, but still I do take responsibility for my part in him being alone and vulnerable to OW's 'friendship'.<p>But back to my question: I find if I get all involved in meeting his EN, then I get all sucked back in to believing what he says to me, get my hopes all up that he's serious this time, you know what I mean.....I find myself on my way back to fantasyland where everything is good again and M is great! <p>Then I realize what I'm doing and start to detach myself again so I'm not getting so hurt by his 'fence-sitting' and 'cake-eating'--then I resent that I'm supposed to be meeting his ENs! Who the heck is meeting MY EN? I'm focusing on me and doing things to make me happy, but that's not the same thing as having EN met by your S! I get resentful and that's when I start to LB.....<p>Where is the balance? I'm having a hard time doing both detaching AND meeting WH's ENs! Any ideas would be appreciated!<p>Thanks so much! Finding this site has really and truly changed my life.<p>amazingrace<p>[ April 22, 2002: Message edited by: amazingrace ]</p>

Don't have more than a few minutes to post, so this will be brief and incomplete. (sorry)<p>Meeting the EN's of an active alcoholic is like trying to clean house during your 5-year-old's birthday party with 30 kids still in the room.<p>Your aren't able to see the goal post nevermind making a touchdown! <p>An alcoholic's biggest "need" is to stop drinking ... and to go into recovery ... something YOU are never going to be able to do for him. Some alcoholics "need" to reach ROCK BOTTOM first before deciding to recover.<p>Are you in ALANON? ... I strongly suggest you go to ALANON for your own recovery! ... nevermind his recovery ... for you, plan A is to be the very best woman both mentally and spiritually you can possibly be.<p>Meet your need to go to ALANON.<p>Call today.<p>Call right now.<p>There is no meeting his needs right now that is healthy for you ... he's an alcoholic ....... I know from which I speak!<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Pepper~
Thanks for your reply. I know that it sounds impossible, but life has not been bad. During our 30 years together I've learned a lot about alcoholism and made some changes in me and the way our relationship worked. I'm not an enabler and I've worked on co-dependency issues.<p>He went into a 30 day in-patient treatment program about 20 years ago. We had family counseling while he was in the treatment program and the counselor there said we had the "healthiest alcoholic family he's ever seen." That may not sound like a lot to those of you who do not have personal experience with alcoholism, but it meant a lot for me!<p>I have learned how to give him ownership of his problem; I will not take responsibility for his drinking and he cannot control me with it. I've worked on me and done things to make me feel good about myself--just like we're learning to do here during and after infidelity. It would seem very unlikely to others not in similar situations, but progress is possible even when things are much less than perfect. <p>He is not an alcoholic who drinks every day. Maybe I should take out of my post that he is alcoholic. The alcoholism is not a part of the problem that I need help with, though I know it will be hard for you to see that Pepper. It presents it's own challenges for sure, but really, it's not a big deal to me. I have learned how to work around it and life goes on. Before this A with OW from work it wasn't all that bad.<p>I still believe that one day he will stop drinking. I know what the power of God can do if WH will only let Him. And if he will not ever allow God to help him stop, life still can be good once we get past the mess we're in right now.<p>That's where I am whether it makes any sense or not.......<p>amazingrace

I got this off http://www.divorcebusting.com. I hope
this helps. DivorceBusting suggests doing a 180.
1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or
implore!
2. No frequent phone calls
3. Do not point out good points in marriage
4. Do not follow him around the house
5. Do not encourage talk about the future
6. Do not ask for help from family members
7. Do not ask for reassurances
8. Do not buy gifts
9. Do not schedule dates together
10. Do not spy on spouse
11. Do not say "I Love You"
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get
busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends,
etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start
the conversation) be scarce or short on words
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his
whereabouts, ASK NOTHING
17. You need to make your partner think that you have
had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you
are going to move on with your life, with or without
your spouse
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull
back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more
important, realize what he will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show
your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him
someone he would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which
may be a while)
21. Never lose your cool
22. Don't be overly enthusiiastic
23. Do not argue about how he feels (it only makes
their feelings stronger)
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really
saying to you
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you
want to speak out
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh &
focus on all the other parts of your life that are not
in turmoil)
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any
words you can say or write
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you
are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with
your spouse
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than
50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in
absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad
you feel
34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes.

Amazing,
Have to run now, but GOOD Question! I too struggle with this one.
I'll check back later!
Peace,
HH

I LuvNprotect ME~<p>Wow, wow, wow......WHAT A LIST!!! Thanks so much. I'm going to check on the link after I get my daycare kids down for a nap.<p>What about this one:

11. Do not say "I Love You"<p>For my WH that would be a LB. He's always asking me if I love him and after telling me that he loves me, he always waits for me to say it too. I'm sure it's his insecurities with his stupid behavior right now showing. He knows he isn't being very easy to love right now!<p>So do I answer "no" when he asks? Or do I just not say it first? I can see that that would be a good '180' thing to do!<p>Thanks again for that list. I'm printing it so I can refresh my 'detachment stance' frequently!<p>I think this list will be helpful to you too, HH!<p>amazingrace

Definately tailor it to fit your individual/unique/marriage situation. <p>The point is that what saves our marriage is usually the opposite of what we think it is. <p>Never lie, you love your H, its ok to tell him. I think it is on the list because it could be smothering to hear it constantly.<p>I think a lot of us don't know what love is. Love is NOT allowing our H's to be cake-eaters. Love is allowing natural consequences to take place when boundaries are crossed. Its like feeding your kids candy instead of food would make them think you love them but loving them is setting limits on the candy and feeding them healthy food. In their eyes you are being "mean", just like in your H eyes you are being "mean" for not meeting his EN while he is with OW who is also meeting his EN. It reminds me of a good poem:
If you love someone let them go
if they come back they are yours
if they don't they never were.
Plan A is about loving yourself. To be in this situation where OW is in the picture and both of yall are meeting his EN is not loving yourself. He has no motivation to change, there are no consequences to his blatantly disrespectful actions.<p>Have you read "Love must be tough" by James Dobson?<p>[ April 22, 2002: Message edited by: I LuvNprotect ME ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by I LuvNprotect ME:
<strong> <p>In their eyes you are being "mean", just like in your H eyes you are being "mean" for not meeting his EN while he is with OW who is also meeting his EN. It reminds me of a good poem:
If you love someone let them go
if they come back they are yours
if they don't they never were.
Plan A is about loving yourself. To be in this situation where OW is in the picture and both of yall are meeting his EN is not loving yourself. He has no motivation to change, there are no consequences to his blatantly disrespectful actions.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But isn't Plan A about meeting the needs if the WS as much as they will let you? That's what I thought anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<p>Have you read "Love must be tough" by James Dobson?<p>[ April 22, 2002: Message edited by: I LuvNprotect ME ]</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Yes, I have read it. I OWN IT!<p>amazingrace<p>[ April 22, 2002: Message edited by: amazingrace ]</p>

How long have you been in Plan A? Since the Fall of 2001?<p>Read up on Plan A here: (I pasted the section that concerns me with your situaion)<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html<p>Sometimes a wayward spouse settles into a routine of having his or her cake and eating it too. In an effort to win the wayward spouse back, the betrayed spouse meets emotional needs that the lover cannot meet, while the lover meets emotional needs that the wayward spouse has not learned to meet. While this competition is excruciatingly painful to the betrayed spouse, and the lover as well, the wayward spouse basks in the warmth of being loved and cared for by two people, with no real motivation to choose one over the other. <p>So, to avoid an indefinite period of suffering while a wayward spouse vacillates between spouse and lover, and to avoid rewarding the selfish behavior of having needs met by both spouse and lover, if plan A does not work within a reasonable period of time, I recommend plan B.<p>[ April 22, 2002: Message edited by: I LuvNprotect ME ]</p>

I LuvNprotect ME~
I really appreciate you working with me here!
[img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Actually, WH only became friends with OW last fall. I just felt something was wrong with the friendship and I can't really remember why. WH told me about what they talked about and said we all had a lot in common. He said we were going to go out to eat with her and her H. (Never happened.)<p>I re-read my copy of Love Must Be Tough last December and started doing some of the things Dobson recommends. I spiced up our sex life and that probably saved A from going to full-blown PA. I believe WH when he says there hasn't been sex. Ours is incredible and sometimes he has a little trouble (if you know what I mean) so I can't imagine that he'd put himself in a position to be embarrassed like that.<p>I only found the MB site at the beginning of March and started learning about the Harleys' advice for surviving an affair. I tried implementing Plan A then, but with little success. I was LBing all over the place and sabatoged my best efforts. <p>I really believe if I'd done a true Plan A from the time I learned about it, A might already be over. OW is (even my H has said) emotionally unbalanced or disturbed and getting on WH's last nerve--very possessive and needy. But my insistence to end A and running it into the ground about how wrong it was, etc., made him react like an adolescent and refuse to end it just cause I wanted him to. (He has 'control' issues about women because of his mother and some childhood stuff.)<p>I think by backing off and not bugging WH, OW will show true colors and really end A for me!<p>I'm going to work a mean Plan A till August at which time I'll be ready to move to Plan B if necessary.<p>amazingrace

To give a little more insight about my current Plan A, I thought I'd paste a reply I posted Sunday about when someone asked how I was doing:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My WH has started working on all sorts of remodeling projects around the house that until now, seemed like they would never be completed. I guess he thinks it throws me off somehow, cause anytime I mention something about A, he acts really surprised--like, 'how can you think that? Look what I'm doing around here....would I be doing all this if I had no intention of ending R w/OW? I've told you--I'm not leaving you for OW, I love you, I'm ending it with OW, blah, blah, blah.'<p>Now HH, I don't believe this bull crap one little bit. I haven't seen an honest bone in his body for months! But I had to really look at our situation very objectively and make some decisions about how I was going to continue in M right now. I had been so severly stressed recently that I felt almost immobilized. A good day of Plan Aing, followed by a day filled with LBing and feeling horrible about it. There was that wonderful day Monday, when I "saw the light", felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulders and my 'perfect' Plan A began, followed by the next day when our daughter gave birth to our tiny granddaughter (who continues to amaze nursing staff--doing so much better than usual for her size). My husband going out for a drink after we had a really nice dinner out that same night. But when I asked to go with him he said I couldn't go cause it was 'just with the guys.' Then I call him on his cell phone when it's much later than he said he'd be out and he says he's at this bar where I know everyone from work hangs out at... and you know the rest of the ugly story. <p>Anyway, I had to look at what's going on here. He's finishing my house. Ordering our new cabinets to finish kitchen in great room he built that has had cabinets in it from our old kitchen since we moved into our great room 3 years ago. (We've been working on this addition for 5 years, paying for it as we go with WH doing all the work.) Lots of other projects too numerous to mention. But getting the new cabinets is the biggie. Why would I sabatoge something wonderful like that, just to make a point or two? <p>I've decided to join a new gym that's open early till late. (Signing up today in fact.) The one I belong to now has such limited hours of being open. I'm going to lose 25 lbs that I put back on after losing that 47 lbs I told you about (in the past several years with the stress of going back to college and getting a degree while still running my daycare 55 hours per week, raising teenagers, putting up with my H, etc.) <p>So now I'm in a true Plan A, really working on ME! I love working out and think I'll feel great and see results now that I can go whenever I want to. I could already tell a difference just working out a couple of times per week at the old gym. I'm getting a family membership so WH can go too if he wants. I won't hold my breath, but miracles still do happen!<p>So I'm going to hold on to my Plan A time frame of August. REALLY going to bite my tongue extra hard to not LB or grill about OW. Who cares? By August if A is not over, I'll be skinny and my house will be beautiful!! <p>I can see myself at that time tying a big red bow around WH and setting him on OW's doorstep. Let OWH figure out what to do with him! He hasn't been much help up to this point.....<p>Thanks for noticing my change. That's the story about what's happening at our house. I told WH yesterday morning that I've decided to focus on what makes me happy and if he notices I'm not going crazy wanting to know about A and OW it's because I don't care anymore. He can do what the heck he wants to do. I'm going to do what makes me happy for a change. I don't think that was a LB. I said it very calmly with a very nice smile on my face. Anyway, it had to be said.<p>And last night he asked me to go out with a few people from work after he got off--OW didn't show up of course, but we had a good time.<p>I'm enjoying a much calmer me.<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks ahead of time!
amazingrace

I also highly recommend the DivorceBusting web site quoted earlier.
This belongs to Michele Weiner-Davis, who's methods are very similar to Dr. Harley's (as they relate to infidelity), although perhaps not as structured.
Very good books (Divorce Busting, Divorce Remedy)and web site.

AG;
I too have been stuggling with exactly the same thing. Especially because I also read Michelle Weiner-Davis' books and although most of their methods are very similar, there are some differences.
In particular, the "do not say I love you" has been almost impossible for me to do. But in essence, both methods (Michele's Last Resort, and Dr. Harley's Plan A) are quite similar.<p>I have found that as I've worked through the Plan A/Last Resort method, I have slowly been able to detach from my WW. I'm beginning to feel like I will make it without her if I have to, and I have found that slowly it becomes less important what she is doing/saying with the OM, after all, what difference does it really make? I know they talk, I know they communicate, I don't really need to know the details.<p>It's a slow, almost imperceptible process of change that begins to take place. You'll start to feel that you do not really NEED your spouse, that you WILL make it anyway, and it starts mattering less what the details are; and that is the point exactly; to show the spouse that you can be the very best even while they are involved in an A, and showing them that you will be fine without them. That way, when and if they come out of the fog, they will begin to realize that you are a person worth being with. A person who cared enough to stick around even though they were being so disrespectful.
Hang in there. Get into activities, sports, exercise, friends, and act as if you are moving on with your life with or withoiut him.
Space.

The most important thing to work on is avoiding LBs. Once that is well established, then you can focus on his ENs, but Dr. Harley makes it clear that your efforts will have little effect on the WS while the A is ongoing and/or he is in withdrawal from the OP. He advises that you focus your energy for that on the time when the WS is through the worst of withdrawal symptoms.<p>If you have done a good job of eliminating LBs and you have some energy available to work on his ENs while he is still in his A, then here is how I did it, and it ain't easy by a long shot, and it will drain your Love Bank to dangerously low levels. I detached and looked at my H as my guinea pig to prepare for my NEXT H. He was someone to practice on to improve my relationship skills. Whether he will be my next H remains to be seen, but I'll be prepared no matter what happens.<p>I focused on me and working on being the person I want to be, both individually and within a R. And I always knew that eventually the Plan B train would get here and I could get on it if I wanted to. I did it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time. Put your energies into the baskets with the biggest payoffs first--No LBs and building an enjoyable life for yourself. Allot any leftovers to H's ENs basket.<p>[ April 22, 2002: Message edited by: Conqueror ]</p>

Amazing,
Hope you are hangin in!
I printed the 180 degrees -- good ideas -- similar to what my counselor had suggested only in general terms.
This is a delicate tight rope. We don't want to ignore the possibilities of contiuned A or inappropiate contact but we do not want to put undo focus on the possibilities, in that it could become an obsession & thus detract from our natural, self-assured, fun loving person which was a part of our S's original attraction to us. <p>I need help in this area as well. Thanks!
HUGS,
HH

Conqueror~
Thanks so much for your post. I get so much out of what you say. I am really working hard on the 'no LB.' So far so good. <p>My WH seems to let me meet a lot of his EN. When we did the ENQ he said there were only a couple that OW met. The biggest was the fact that I didn't go with him to bars and she did. Now that I've made myself available to him for that sort of recreational companionship, I'm hoping his need for her has been almost eliminated. I know she still has a hook in WH somewhere, but I'm just biding my time for HER to LB and cause him to end the A. With OW's personality, I'm pretty sure that's bound to happen. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>WH came home last night from work and voluntarily told me that OW had asked him to lunch and wanted to meet him after work. He said he told her he was coming home for lunch. Then when she called back after lunch about meeting him after work he told her he didn't think so, that he was coming straight home. I just smiled at him and said "WOW." That's ALL I said! My reaction to that was quite different from previous times, but if he noticed he didn't say anything. This morning I told him I appreciated him telling me that last night. And that's all I said. He said usually she would have still been there waiting for him after he got off work, even if he told her he didn't want to go anywhere with her. But she wasn't there, he said.<p>He's off today and usually I would be a basket case about the possibility of him meeting her for lunch or whatever. I'm breathing deeply and keeping busy. He left an hour ago to pay some bills and I saw on the online cell phone records that he called her twice. Boy, it's going to be hard not to LB about that, but here goes nothing.... He doesn't know I can access those records so I don't want to let him know I know.<p>Conqueror, did you ever get on that Plan B train? From your posts I seem to think that your H is still at home.<p>Spacecase~
It's nice to know that I'm not the only one struggling with this. I already know that I can make it without my WH. I make more money than he does and have a lot of confidence about my ability to 'make it' without him. We've been together so long I guess life with him is a 'habit' but I could live without some of this stress and that's for sure!<p>When our remodeling projects are completed I will be totally ready to move on. Of course by then, he will not--having put so much of himself into the house and all. I'll just have to see what happens if this EA thing is still with us in August. Plan B might be difficult to implement--getting him out of the house,that is; but by then, if OW is still in picture maybe it will be serious enough that he will be willing to leave. Not sure about that, but right now I'm just taking life one day at a time.....<p>HH~
Yes this is a VERY delicate tight rope indeed. My WH acts like nothing is wrong, everything is fine, etc. So I'm sure he doesn't even appreciate the difficulties involved with Plan A. At least I hope he does recognize the absence of LB. If nothing else, at least I'M more peaceful. I don't worry about what to say now--I just say nothing. I used to expend a lot of brain power coming up with ways to ask him about EA, find holes in his explanations, etc. It is much better for me not to be doing that....<p>Holding good thoughts for a good day~
amazingrace

Just to clarify the "fine" points of not saying "I Love You".
In her book Divorce Remedy, Michele Weiner-Davis has the list of the things you do/do not do during what she calls "The Last Resort" (her version of Plan A). This is where she talks about not saying I love you. However, she clarifies that stopping that is necessary when the WS will feel guilty, or feel "pressured" to respond "me too", or is otherwise unable to feel love for the BS due to the A, or the feelings for the OM/OW.
However, if that is NOT the case, for instance when the WS does tell the BS that he/she loves you, wants to fix the M, etc. then I believe it would be an LB to stop doing it.

Not sure I followed that, Spacecase. So even if it is meaningless, though I as the BS am not sure what it even MEANS anymore to say "I love you" back to my WS, I should still say it because he expects a response? Because this would be a LB? So to not LB it is ok to lose a little integrity?
I'm not attacking here, just trying to understand the thinking behind the methodology.<p>By the way, Amazing Grace, great thread, great question and you are doing an Amazing job with Plan A IMVHO.

Amazing,
I went to my support group last night so I am not obsessing about the potential of my DW's acting out -- as much anyway -- [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
As I mentioned, and as may be obvious, I don't have all of this figured out yet myselve, but I agree with you on the cell phone thing -- keep it a secret for now at least.
I am conflicted on your behave -- You know that he is in the fog & you have said you don't believe all that he says. The cell phone calls are very troubling -- I am wondering, can you think of some reason to go to his store & check out the check out gal? If you have the confidence, I am thinking it would be good to have a strong reminder to her of who you are & you know a lot, but are still not rattled!
If we listen to our friend, Dobson, I don't hink he would prescibe allowing this little dance & I believe the Harley's subsribe to the idea that while we are taking care of ourself & we are not being mean spirited to our spouse, we have rights to protect our turf. Recovery is not possible until we have "No-Contact" Sample letter and all.
If we look at this in an objective manner -- he has not said he wants out of the relationship with you, right? Can we say that he has even made some sort of connotations if not exact words that he wants to maintain his relationship with you, right?
Then I think we can safely say that he understands that you believe in a monagomous relationship (P & E!) and with that it does not allow for any contact (WITH ONLY EXCEPTION, IF HE HAS TO FOR WORK PURPOSES, WHICH I WOULD THINK IS REALLY NONE IF HE DOES NOT BUY ANYTHING & GO THOUGH HER CHECK OUT LINE-?) - FOR SURE, CALLS BACK AND FORTH ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE -- I guess this would be obvious, but I am thinking it would be good to review the rules under which you are operating here.
Now on the other hand, it is obviuos he has some issues -- needs attention from other women or whatever (frankly, I believe you need to brace yourself for more severe issues than what may be obvious!) You want to provide a safe place for him to work through these issues -- I am only questioning him continuing contact while he works through this - his withdrawal or whatever -I don't believe he can begin withdrawal until there is no contact. It seems he may be working for the cake and eating it too concept?! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] He may not be aboe to do this on his own -- I believe he needs a stronger person, like yourself to help him through this!
Now after establishing firmly the expectations that there are no calls -- I mean if he says he does not want to continue, there is no reason for calls, right? I am thinking that if you can have non-threatening, calm conversation about this it would help to then begin isolating events as being wrong -- more black & white -- take away the wiggle factors so he cannot rationalize as these things being innocent.
Another thought is whether to have a little meeting with MR. Check-out lady -- again, you have clarified with your H than he wants to end this dance and he says she says her H does not care about this so-called "causual relationship" -- technically if this is accuarate and if there is no legitimate reason to have any relationship with the check-out gal , what is the harm - just a, Let's be aware kind of friendly, reality check kind of visit. No serious threats or aqusations as such -- thought he would want some perspectives -- in fact you may consider an opening line to him about the fact that he may not care, but it were you, you would want to know about certain activities if it were your spouse - if he does not care, fine ....
I am intrigued with the PI thing -- did he have a picture of your H & this gal "making out?" [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] Is there a statement you have in print? I would think this would add some defination to the OWH's perspective of this so-called casual relationship, ... then the letter. HMMMM!
I know this gets real diccy -- & I don't want to encourage you to do something you don't feel comfortable with -- just some thoughts I have from a far away!<p>My prayers are with you!
HH

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by asgoodasitgets:
<strong>
By the way, Amazing Grace, great thread, great question and you are doing an Amazing job with Plan A IMVHO.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Wow! Thanks so much asgoodasitgets! I actually don't feel like I'm stumbling around in the dark now--at least not much as I did just a few days ago!!<p>WH just came home a few minutes ago and I didn't
ANYTHING about how long he was gone or what he did during his 'errands.'<p>I didn't say: "What the heck took you so long? TWO 1/2 hours just to pay a couple of bills? Give me a break! I saw the 2 calls you made to OW's house. I guess she doesn't go in to work till this afternoon, huh? You met her somewhere, didn't you? WHAT? You didn't go to the post office YET? What's up with that? You'll be back in few minutes? YEAH, in what galaxy is that going to happen? I hope you have a great lunch, and by the way, tell OW I said "HI"!!!"<p>WHEW!! That sure felt good! I felt like I was about to burst!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I<p>I guess you guys will get the wrath of my LB here! That's okay with you all, isn't it? heehee<p>Keeping it all together so far, so good....
(and keep those compliments rolling, I need all the positive feedback I can get today and tomorrow while WH is off work and I'm having to NOT LB 24/7!)
amazingrace