Well, on both d-days, my "gut feeling" told me that WH was messing around. It's been only 3 months since d-day #1, and my gut is talking to me again. Can I trust it? Or am I just being paranoid? WH is acting irritable, critical of me, and STILL sleeping with the cell phone, everything locked up tight!
Is my gut just working overtime?????
KK
Anyone else get the gut feeling?

Gut feelings uncover more As than anything else. Trust your gut feelings.<p>I don't know where you are in your M, R, rebuilding, so I cannot suggest what to do, but do trust your gut feeling.<p>Ask? Confirm and confront? you are a better judge of what might be best.

"sleeping with the cell phone" .... not good [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Pepper

Trust your gut feelings - they haven't let you down yet. I agree - sleeping with the cell phone - NOT good - you are not being paranoid.

"sleeping with the cell phone"<p>Hm... most of those things are pretty small, aren't they? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sorry, couldn't resist! I do agree with the other posts, you should trust your instincts. You may be right. I know I should have read the "signs" that my W was having an A, that were right in front of me all that time.

it's not only that he sleeps with his cell phone, but it's the way he's acting toward me. He's just not as affectionate and tender as he was the first few weeks. This was the big thing on d-day one, he just seemed like a stranger to me.
Please pray for me as I prepare myself for d-day # 3. Hope my gut is fibbing this time.
kk

kk2002:<p>I apologize for making light of this awful situation. It's very hard knowing something may be going on behind your back, and even harder when that suspiscion is confirmed. I nearly threw my W out on d-day #2, it was so hurtful. D-day #3 was pretty mild by comparison, because my W wasn't really "involved" with OM any more. But it showed her more clearly than ever before that she was simply not willing to face the fact that she'll have to give up any ideas of "friendship" with him from now on, if we're going to rebuild our M at all. We've turned a corner, and I gues I'm surprised it only took 4 months since d-day for this to happen. It may be a wide corner, though, but I think I'm ready for it now!

I just had a thought!!! Call the cell #. Would be funny to see him jump!!! <p>My H used to sleep with his cell also. I wish I had thought of that in those days. I could still if he ever reverts back into the fog!! And I would do with from a phone that blocks the caller id! <p>Ok, enough bad ideas. LOL!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

dear kk2002-do trust your gut, we have all been there. i will never not trust my gut again.<p>and by the way- i love orchids idea!!!! i though psycho and i were the only ones with a wicked sense of humor. now we have three!!

((KK))<p>Just a quick thought .... does he shower with the cell phone too? (No ... NOT in the water [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] , but take it in the bathroom with him)<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ May 09, 2002: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</p>

trust your gut...I was never wrong, though maybe my gut "overexagerated" once in a while, if that makes sense. If he has a security code on it and it's a Nokia phone, I used to know the "code" to reset it to the default code -12345- I may have to ask H for it. He is in the Cingular Wireless biz.

sleeping with the cell phone is what I did when hiding my A from H, and what he did when hiding his OW from me. I would trust your gut.

H told me it is some sort of character "long code" programming or something on the phones. There's a different program for each brand of phone that resets the security codes. Of course he didn't tell me this until after d-day 2 [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] During his A he NEVER locked his phone though, but would jump once in awhile if I went to grab it to use it (it was always out in the open). He tried covering his tracks though by deleting their text msgs and their calls from the log....

Trust your gut sweety.<p>My H slept with his cell, turn it off at night, hid it, or conveniently left it in the car. One night he fell asleep and forgot to sleep with phone. Well, it rang. I answered it and the person hung up, but the number was recorded all ready. I just pressed the call back feature and then put the phone to his ear and told him telephone. He was so out of it that he answered it. I called the number back later and it was exactly what I thought. <p>So, trust your gut. If he has nothing to hide then he wouldn't be going through all these precautions. <p>There is another side though. He could have ended it, but he just wants to spare you the hurt of the possibility of the OP calling.<p>His treating you this way could most likely be withdrawal symptoms. <p>
INTHECLOUDS

Looks like everyone is telling you the same thing - go with your instincts.<p>I'll be praying for you, KK.

There are differences between reacting to triggers, anxiety & gut instinct, though they can be inter-related.<p>My definitions:
Triggers--something from the past that something current reminds you of--like places, dates, events, actions, phrases.<p>Anxiety--a state of mind where you are wondering, worrying<p>Gut instinct--a reaction to new behavior that isn't trustworthy<p>Your H's behavior & attention toward you is not currently trustworthy, so you have good reason for your gut instinct to be reacting, along with anxiety, not to mention that his behavior might be the same as it was during the A.<p>I find it helpful to sort between past triggers and current behavior when I am anxious.<p>Have you ever just asked, "what the heck is the deal with sleeping with the cell phone?" And no matter what he says, say something like "I'd like you to leave it on the table." I think whatever answers he gives you will guide you to whether it is new gut instinct or old trigger.<p>Most people don't want to be that indispensible to "work" that they sleep with the phone.

Definitely unsure, In the clouds 320, shattered in SF...thanks for the replies! Yes, I have trusted my gut twice before and was right both times, I will let you know what happens if and when I find out. How can I find out now, that's the problem....except for hiring a P.I., which I can't afford right now.<p>WeR trying, WH has a cingular phone, I may have to call you for ideas. THanks for your posts, I appreciate your concern.<p>Lor, your response made me really think. I will have to ponder some more and try to decide if this is a trigger, anxiety or gut feeling. Thanks for the response.<p>THanks everyone! God bless you and your marriages.
KK

guys,
check out my update "Update on gut feeling in General Questions II."
Please tell me what you think.
Warmly
KK

I don't have time to read the whole thread, so I apologize if I'm repeating what everyone else said, but just in case, I think I came up with the perfect solution to this problem. I quit worrying about it!<p>Once my suspicions were confirmed correct, all responsibility for that shifted from my shoulders to his. Obviously, my default position is one of distrust and suspicion, as it should be. My commitment to the R is dependent upon my security in the R, and it is up to him to provide it if he wants to maintain the R. There doesn't need to be an A for me to exit this M, the mere appearance or smell of an A is sufficient.<p>If I don't feel secure in the R, I will let him know. If he wants me to feel secure in the R, he will provide that security. If the R becomes too insecure or unsafe for long enough, it will end. I don't have to worry or fret. I know I do not want to be in a R where I felt like I did during the A, so that's all I NEED to know. If I start feeling like that again, then I know it's time to do something different.<p>My H is choosing to be with someone he betrayed, so all of that comes with the territory. He is free to pursue a R elsewhere if that is more comfortable and desirable for him. As before, my only request is that he let me know that is his choice, and unlike before, I now have no expectation that he will honor that request, so I can only go by my own observations and feelings.