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I have finally ordered the program, however, I am in such a state I am unsure it will work, more like he will work. To be honest, he has to do something, I'm tired of looking over my shoulder.
I was very naive when we got married 40 years ago. Still tend to be too trusting.
We get along well, have fun together in my view.
I love him but main problem...
I have a serial cheater on my hands that I feel I have enabled by forgiving several times. Years ago (17) I printed many pages from your site and gave him to read but of course only read a couple pages.
I am always expected to just have good make up sex and forget about it.
I shall call them flings, the ones I know about.
First fling 3 months after marriage I can't remember if before or right after first child but think before, pregnant at 6 month marriage. 2nd was 3 yr later but the female was exceptional and came to me telling me my husband was heavily flirting and she knew what he wanted.
Still against the rules, for me anyway.
4? Or 5 years later again, and again. By 13 years in there were 4 times, I lose count, that I know about, after the last severely devastating we moved. She even told me things is how I know he lies, we were friends but if I mentioned he needed to be careful, I just over react.
Got pretty bad regarding her and her version.
Didn't take long but in the past 17 years now there have been 7 more incidences. (Gaslighter)
Every time I am over reacting, he denies, and always says he was not cheating, didn't do anything wrong.
I have the feeling he only considers actual vaginal intercourse as cheating. Which he has had but still in denial. He is becoming more open to flirt "very" heavily, again, says we are just talking, I don't remember, I didn't see you, I didn't hear you.
One woman actually moved.
He has allowed one of the women to speak and tell me she does everything but have sex, standing less or about 3' from him. He knew what was going on but didn't say a word, allowed her to do it.
2 women later, he is showing actions in front of me. (3 times now known/witnessed by public or friends) This time very open in public but still swears he does nothing wrong even though in texts he was heavily flirting "with" intention. No way you can miss that as a woman but he says he never meant it that way.
Remember he's a gaslighter.
His constant lies, even when I know the answer to a question, simple questions has led to NO trust what so ever. I have lost my temper (2 weeks ago) about it and know I shouldn't have but good lord I have told him enough is enough i got loud and said just stop with the lies. (Already knew answer to question) I have enabled by forgiving and having a good marriage between incidents for the most part.
There is a possibility his porn use may contribute to flings and other. We have not watched porn together now for a few years but i know he does without me.
I am not a porn fan but feel I am just there as a warm body afterwards.
Sex is rare anymore, 4 to 6 weeks.
The lies cause much anger and resentment much less zero respect and remorse. If he would tell the truth I'm not sure I would know it. My anger from the lies is sometimes almost out of control so I put us on a text/email talk so I could think about what I say. I am a very blunt overly honest type and I can't be normal because of having to be nice and cautious.
I can't get past the lies!
I need to know he will stop or I'm done. I'm tired of being the only one reaching out to fix what he feels is okay to do.
He should know right from wrong.
I'm sure if he joins the forum he will know this is me but no worries on my part I don't care at this point. However, I dont feel he has a real interest in fixing things. He says he does but actions speak louder than words. If we text/mail its at least a 24 to 36 hour response, but has been busy. I feel he is either being led or looking up things so he can give the response he "thinks" I want to hear.
Writing is my way of venting.
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