Sorry me again. I am hurting tonight.

Realisation of what a mess it all is. Facing the reality of how desperate I was to have a loving family and husband and how I was living an absolute lie. It couldn’t be further from the truth.

Feeling like I am totally checking out.

2 years of poor treatment, no love or affection or care. Telling me how unhappy he has been. Listening to him and trying everything but getting nowhere. Ending in an affair. With no remorse just justification. Just more actions on his part to get me to capitulate and back down. Thinking I am going out with other men when I still feel like this would be cheating on him and my children. Crying daily and thinking when is the pain going to be over. Dreading the first time he takes my children away from me for a holiday, thinking what did I do to deserve this?

I look around and see no one amongst my peers being treated this way.

Want to pack the rest of his stuff up tell him to come and collect it. Still trying to be the nice guy agreeing to all his requests.

I am having my own pity party tonight. Sorry I just need to wallow.