IMHO, he won't read past the first sentence.

You're trying to reach a scumbag.

The best way to do this - if it can be done at all - is to make it short and to the point. Any attempt to espouse morals beyond the obvious will just become fodder for him to ridicule you. He will thus be rescuing her from you.

JMHO

WAT

Don’t send that letter----------It makes you weak.

As many have stated this OM is likely a person of poor character or perhaps someone with antisocial or narcissistic personality.

Having said that I will admit I wrote OM an email. I told OM he could have my wife anytime if she was willing to leave the marriage.

Then my wife told OM she could not leave the marriage and dumped him.

In any event I am sorry I even gave any kind of recognition to OM------he was and will always be a bottom feeder.

In any event your letter will not accomplish anything.

If you must write say something meaningful such as:

My gun is loaded and the bullets have your name on them-----you are dead meat.

Otherwise----forget it

Stanley,

Now why didn't I think of that? LOL!

Thank you .Stan-ley for your input. I which that violence could solve things but in this case I don't think it would do any good.

DLK21

DLK:

It is my opinion that you are wasting your time here with this. You will UNDOUBTEDLY feel like a weak man AFTER you send this. Do you really think that the OM needs an "email" from you to wake him up to his contributions of this affair? He righfully (wrongly) believes he is in love <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> with your wife, and all this email is going to do is be be interpreted that you are the jealous, crazed, spurned husband who won't let go or face reality.

Come on now. I get your need to want to write him and shake some sense in him or make him become less self righteous, but this won't really work.

I don't ever advocate violence and that won't likely work either, but if you really want to "try" and get through to him, then you might as well "go for broke" and beat the living $hit out of him. Now, this won't get your wife back , but at least you'll know ( <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) he got the message. Sadly, you'll get the same end results, but maybe you'll feel better. I'd just as well use your efforts to expose to others, etc...He doesn't give a rats A$$ about you or your marriage. You can send it (email), but you'll be regretting it the moment you do.

Just my thoughts...take em or leave em.

DLK, I was very close to sending OM an email also and decided against it. Now I'm glad I did for the exact reasons lem describes above.

There is very little positive that will come from it. If OM had any morals he wouldn't be cheating with a married woman in the first place. Sending it would be futile in my opinion.

Don't send it; you may initially feel as though it accomplished something, but I believe it will backfire

I have not posted in a long time, but this thread touches me. I know how you feel. I, when my DFWH was deep in the Fog, wanted desperately to make MOW know exactly what she was trying to destroy. So, I wrote her a letter. And carried it around in my purse for about 2 months, debating whether to actually send it. Then, finally, blessedly, I was able to see her for the sad, pathetic excuse for a person she was. It did not matter what I could say to her. For her, it was never about me, my H, our M,our family, or even her H, her kids, her M. It was all about her. She was the quintessential narcissist. I am sure she still is.

Ultimately, I destroyed the letter. NC is for all of us, not just the WSs

While I admire Stan-ley's passion, don't ever put anything like that, any kind of threat, any intimation of violence of any kind in an email, phone call or any other medium that can leave a permanent record.

If you really need to deliver Stan-ley's message, sneak in to the guy's place at night while he is asleep, wake him up and whisper it into his ear. Of course, wear a ski mask, gloves and shoes that are three sizes too big so you don't leave any DNA evidence that you were there and any footprints won't be traceable. A "good" alibi wouldn't hurt either.

To be totally honest, my opinion is that this whole idea of a letter/email/whatever to the OM is a complete distraction and is unnecessarily dividing your attention. There are far more productive things you could be doing and you are getting sidetracked and spending way too much time on this. JMO.

Traic, first of all let me say I wasn't offended at all. It's so hard to convey tone in a thread.

I also wanted to say that I'm pretty sure Stanley's tongue was firmly in his cheek when he suggested his version of the e-mail.

What my H did (on our MC's advice) was write me a love letter (to give to me) and the OM a hate letter (not for sending, just for venting). It began "You f****** b******" and went on like that for about 2 pages. He found it very helpful.

Also, when he exposed to the OMs wife he told her that he had been considering coming round to punch her H in the nose but had decided against it.

I know Stan-ley was not serious. I highlighted "passion" because it is a theme from my thread. Besides, lemonman had a much better idea.

I am glad you weren't offended though. We are all here under difficult circumstances so emotions are already high. I will say that I totally and completely admire you for not only saving your marriage but also for being so willing to help others. I think if I were a FWH, it might not occur to me to stay here or maybe even to be here at all. That tells me you are a far better person than I ever will be so I have a lot of respect for you and you are most definitely a person of good moral character.

OK, this ought to convince you that sending an email to OM is futile.

Shortly after d-day I sent a few emails as a reaction to OM’s constant interference and relentless desire to communicate with my wife. However, I did not know that my wife was actively in contact with OM. So my letters made me look like a fool

This is what OM thought of my emails:

He analyzed my writings and then discussed my personality flaws with my wife.

If I said an insulting remark OM used that as an example of how I was not a mature person and not able to deal with the situation in a civilized manner.

OM did not insult me back to show my wife how that he was a nice man and above the concept of exchanging insulting remarks.

As others have said OM rejected the idea that he was having an affair. According to OM they were having a very special romance----------a one of a kind relationship---------and that was not an affair.

According to OM he was not guilty of breaking a marriage that was already broken.

In other words my emails made OM more sympathetic to my wife who was still mesmerized by the smooth talk of OM. I was painted as the out of control wacko.

If I had an argument with my wife OM would learn about it thru a phone conversation and then use that to cement the fact that I was acting violently and in a non-mature manner.


SO DO NOT SEND THE LETTER.


Having said all of the above I will beat the crap out of OM if I ever see him in person. Every time I fly home to see my mother in law I have the premonition I am going to see OM. I get mentally ready to hit him as hard as I can if I ever spot him. I am going to home to a wedding next month--------he better not be there.

Stan-ley..

I agree totally with NOT sending an emotional plead for compassion to an OP...

But...
I am begining to lean towards
short
logical
factual reality
that presents the BS as a REAL person....

with
NO EXPECTATION or CONCERN about what the OP thinks or does..

If a BS sends a letter expecting ANYTHING then there is no point....

ARK^^

For the record, does or does not OM know she's married - with a family including "ankle biters"??

The point being that frequently WSs lie out their butts that they're NOT married, separated, close to divorce, etc.

If OM does not know she has a family, some communication is appropriate, IMHO. Short and sweet. No moralizing.

WAT
---------------
Never rebuke criticism from a fool.

an email? Have you no imagination?

Send OM phony medical records for sexually transmitted diseases.

Then make up a bunch of other 'lovers' for your wife. Give these guys real sexy names and have them all send e-mails to the OM.

If you're good with the computer you might even be able to cut-and-paste some pictures of wife with these imaginary lovers.

You can get real creative with this. A couple of them can be young and well-hung. But you might also want to make one a police officer and another a crazy old man with no teeth.

Of course your wife will find out. Keeping this from her will be like trying to sneak dawn past a rooster. But so what.



<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Dear DLK21 You replyed to me and i am greatful ty. I had to read what was going on in your life. So i did . In the past i also wanted to tell said person off (if i knew who it was )Then i had idea to help me no one else. I still use it to day and it helps me no one else. Get a recorder and tape what you are feeling . Tell the other man off on it call him anything you want and your wife to tell them both how you feel . talk to your self and replay it back and listen . It helps me and i pour out all my feeling and i don't feel weak to anyone but myself . I even started to laugh at some of the things i said lol . Everyone is right about the other man he is a b-----------! Why would someone you love fall for this person! they don't care a rats ( ! ) about your feeling . I wonder if he really gets your wife if he will cheat on her ?? I am sure he will then where will she be . i bet he has a track record better find out about this guy . tc pansy

Man. If this A has been known to you for 7 months and you haven't exposed, you really need to get on the ball. You should expose today. The best thing I did was tell my FWW's parents. She felt alone and isolated in the world once they knew, and that was a good thing.

I also agree that you can contact the OM if you want, but it will probably result in nothing. ******, my father was dying of cancer and my son was on a liver transplant list and the OM didn't give a crap about any of it. He's a predator, a waste of human skin.

DLK21

Thank you all for your responses.

I just can't stand doing nothing in that direction.

Thank you Lemonman, I understand what you mean by his “love” excuse. A psychiatrist can’t act on love for a patient and neither should he. BTW OM is a police man so beating him up is…Hum… A courageous/sacrificial idea for me to contemplate… Seriously, I think violence is for another era.

I think I'll just remind him that it is not OK and not OK with me and that my being nice to my wife is in no sense an acceptance of their relationship. But first I'll remind my WW. It feels like a LB but it is not. If I get trampled over by them at least I'd like them to know what I stood for.

I need to expose to the OM's parents.

Am I loosing my integrity? Do they know what I stand for?

DLK21

first of all pieta that's not exactly using your noggin ok? sorry for that 2x4, but it is disrespectful for his wife...he's not about revenge, he is about exposure and ending a damaging affair. your approach is damaging to his wife and to any possible recovery.

expose with truth! AND EXPOSE SOON...EXPOSE TO GROUP OF SELECTED TARGETS...w's family (those she holds in esteem), her peers, again same criteria chosen as for family, and the OP...same again, his family, his peers...and you may expose them to your church and to his church also. if it is a WORK AFFAIR EXPOSE TO HR. do it now! and without warning. only SAY THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER...I have evidence that my wife and x (name of om) are having an affair and this is what I know. that is all...you do NOT MAKE UP THINGS NOR LIE NOR FAKE THINGS AS SUGGESTED BY SOMEBODY ELSE...that is damaging, false, and could come back to totally bite your [censored] in legal proceedings.

plus I BELIEVE THAT IS CONSIDERED SLANDEROUS? LEGAL REPURCUSSIONS WAIT FOR THOSE WHO PARTICIPATE IN SLANDER...YA LISTENING PIETA?

anyway, now on to the OP thing...sorry KiwiJen, but the OW in my case were vile. BOTH KNEW as I approached them about their affair with my H. both were vile vile and very predatory. they were blinded with a handsome guy (MY HUSBAND), who was wealthy, who would give them a whirlwind good time...and yea, lie to them like mad. SURE THEY FOUGHT FOR HIM...he was their ticket outta boredom, into the "desperate houswife/sex in city" lifestyle they saw on t.v.....and they WANTED TO HAVE ME OUTTA THE PICTURE ANY WAY THEY COULD...and I went kicking and screaming and named them in my divorce documents. NAMED THEM IN LEGAL DOCS.

so yea, the OP does NOT CARE DUDE if you write him a letter. what will make the OP care? YOU HURT HIS EGO...YOU EXPOSE TO THOSE AROUND HIM WITHOUT WARNING...you DROP DA BOMB.

One final swoop. One wave. Drop it and see the infidels run and scramble all over the place to clean up the mess and begin damage control...WHICH WILL NOT WORK BTW...because their little secret is out!

I may have ended up divorced, but the ow numero uno, MONKEYHO, whom I despise to this day unabashedly, is NOT HIS WIFE...nah. and she's been angling for him for four years now...I singlehandedly with exposure and legalities HER ROLE in the demise of my marriage and made it soooo darn rough and bad for her that even the infidel's parents, who support him in his infedilty *(his own dad is a serial cheater ok?), will NOT ACCEPT MONKEYHO EVER...

monkey even went so far as to try to seduce MY COLLEGE BF whom I still date from time to time. toxic sick sick woman. AND YEA, SHE'S STILL SEEING MY XH BEHIND HIS OTHER WITRESSES (NOW WIFE'S) BACK...how's that for functioning marriage?

expose. do it now. make it final and in one instance. expose to all and do it as quickly as possible. as many calls as possible in as short a time...some may require even an email and call.

DLK21,

I fully understand what you mean about "feel that I need to do something". In my case, I felt like a prop on a cheap theatrical production starring my wife and "her man". All the cast members "knew" about me, discussed me, even made deriding comments and poked fun at me in the lines of their script; but never really acknowledged ME.

Once I spoke up...short and VERY to the point...EVERYTHING shifted. No longer an idle "stage prop", their sick little stage play now had a third player. Apparently it was a bit more difficult for "real man" once the cast of characters expanded.

Their "play" ended within weeks. For some reason, the OP's attitude (sometimes) changes when the "prop" finds his "voice". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />