I feel like you and I are in the same boat. Just found out this week about the OMW. It's like one day your in love and then the next your husband is asking for a divorce- at least that's my situation. No warning signs at all. My husband hasnt been home all week. He has completely shut down and wont talk to me. He doesnt even talk to me like I'm his wife anymore.

I feel your pain..

MEDC - I've refrained all evening from responding to you, because I wish many times that while I may agree at times with some of what you say, you appear to lack the caring or kindness that needs to be in the delivery to be heard - right or wrong in the message - and I find myself taking issue with that delivery and it appears I'm not in a minority on that point. Ironically - when you are confronted about your delivery - you take issue with how that confrontation is delivered... Disrespect taken where none was intended is frequently met with disrespect intentionally delivered - hence my total willingness to be labeled as a Koolaid drinker from here-on-out! Harley's principles work and I credit Willard Harley himself with saving my marriage - along with some very hard work by principal interest holders in my marriage.

I'm of the mind that you would hear very little of use to me in that feedback. In the event that I'm wrong, may I quote someone else:

Now, Mrs. W and MF - is there a way that you can get through to IP via phone - or someone who knows her, and check on her?

KaylaAndy - Can we take this to a new thread?

I'd rather not. I'm done with MEDC anyway. If he gets it he gets it.

Hey KA,
Mrs, W and I have both tried and tried on the phone. We are very concerned.

Think we should all be praying for this family.

If you have a phone number... you can get an address... if you have an address, the police frequently do "check on the well being" calls to homes. You do not need to be a family member to request this.

((( IP )))

Please come back, honey.... we are all praying for you

Dear God, Please look down on our angel, IP and continue to keep her in Your arms. Thank you for sending all the MB Angels to help her through her crisis. And, please let someone here know that IP is alright... we, as You know, are worried sick !

Sending prayers your way - Carnation

IP,

We know u r in pain. That is how most of us have been. The fact of the matter is in addition to your pain is a lot of care. A good portion of it from people who you don't even know what they look like. This board has members from all over the world. Many of them would like to know how you are doing. Please let at least someone you feel safe talking with know how you are doing. Of course, if you could post here, that w/b even better.

I will share with you an experience I had not long after coming to MB. During my crisis, there was a poster from England whose WS deserted her and she was from another country so had no relatives or friends in her area. She felt very alone. She had started working and knew just a few people. One night she was quite distraught. She had no children or relatives and felt quite alone. She posted on MB and I gave her e-mail addy. Several of us stayed and posted to her. This went on for a couple of weeks and one night she mentioned suicide. We had already talked on the phone a few times (yea me on a budget, calling England)..... anyway.... I sensed she was serious so I told her I would gether some help and got her assurance she would cooperate. The best I could do from my distance (I was in California), I called Scotland Yard. It was the right thing to do. They got to her and made sure she was safe. She posted for a whle after that and she sounded much stronger. It scared her but she realized her life is more valuable than allowing the WS to ruin it by making her sooo depressed. I have lost track of her these past few years so I don't know exactly how she is doing now. I would like to hear from her but am hoping our help, helped....even in a small way.

So from my heart to yours.....please let us know how you are doing. ok? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

I just spoke to her.
She is doing ok- not great.

One of us will post an update later.

Thank god!

Thankyou, MF, for letting us know you spoke to her.

~ Marsh

Thanks for letting us know she is ok. Its funny how we can worry about someone we have never really met. I think its because we have been there and we know how devasting all this is....it doesn't feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I guess that why we wave the search light...there is a way.

IP...when you are ready we want to help...(I'm keepin' you on my prayer list.)

(((IP))) It will get better.

moveforward,

I see you are posting today. We never got an update from in_pain, so I wanted to see if you knew how she was doing.

Hey Jim,
I have not spoked to her since Christmas Eve.

She is really struggling. She is hesitant to reach out to him in fear of pushing him away. I have encouraged her to read Lil Sis's thread and how she is plan Aing.

I think we need to just keep praying for her to have the strength to do what she needs to do - make a plan and follow it.

thanks for asking

Why did she stop posting?

Hello everyone. I just posted on Moveforward's thread as well. THANK YOU TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU FOR YOUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS! I honestly don't know where I would be without you. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your care and concern.

I'm so sorry I was away for so long; I really missed all of you. I missed your support and boy did I need it! Thank you Moveforward for being there for me!

Since I have been away for so long, I have so much to tell all of you. I have had some really rough days.

I'll tell you all the most recent stuff first. He did take the OW to my MIL's house for New Year's Eve. I was absolutely crushed. It was like the affair all over again. He couldn't do anything lower than that. They slept together in the bed that we always sleep in when we stay there. It makes me physically sick. He obviously has no respect for me at all. The OW went out to dinner with my MIL, BIL and SIL on New Year's Eve and then stayed over there.

I also found out that my BIL yelled at my H pretty badly. My BIL doesn't hold back when he gets upset, so I could only imagine what he said. He did all of this righ in front of the OW too, which is really good. See, I just left my MIL's house on Thursday because we all stayed there for Christmas (me, my H and my son). So, I literally just left there! My MIL said she didn't know what he was planning. She said they both showed up at the house at 5:00 that day with bags. She said she didn't know what to do. She doesn't like confrontation and she was floored. She said she's been physically sick by it, her New Years was ruined (she went to bed early), she cried and prayed about it. She said that the OW obviously has no morals. I'm pretty upset with her that she allowed it in her home, but she said she was afraid to say anything. Don't ask me why. But, she was very upset.

I'll back up, my MIL and I got along great over Christmas and she even hugged me when I left, so things were smoothed over with her.

So, anyway...I was so crushed. I cried to moveforward more than once. I was close to spending New Years Eve alone at my house, but then I went to my Mom's house. It's about an hour and 15 minutes away from my house. It was horrible. Moveforward did explain most of what happened that night on her thread.

So, I had my Plan B letter ready. Then, moveforward told me she IMed with my husband and he wanted to work on the marriage. I was floored by all of it. So, I came home waited for him to talk to me and he never did!!!!!! I couldn't believe it! When I got home, he acted fine and normal. He helped me bring everything in from the van and then he said he was doing some organizing. He was excited to show me his closet. He has a huge walk in closet and it has been a mess for a long time. It's been a dumping ground for both of us, honestly. Anyway, he organized all of our travel stuff and then he asked if we had any more Lowe's gift cards. He was thinking about re-designing his closet with new shelving, etc...! So, that makes me think he is going to stay - but what about that apartment?? Still waiting to talk. Then, we come downstairs and he says, I have another surprise for you. He said, "we went out to dinner last night (yeah, knew that already, gag!) and I brought you home some of my left overs to try!!!!!!! The surprise to me wasn't the food, it was that he would actually give me some of that food from that dinner date! Oh, I was furious, but I didn't say anything. He started heating it up for me, so I gagged it down - thinking fo the OW the whole time. I wanted to puke. After that, we played with our son with some of his new toys and then I got him ready for bed. It took me an hour to get him to sleep. When I came back downstairs, my H was asleep on the couch. So, we never talked. I was going to wake him up, but honestly, I was so exhausted. It was close to midnight and I didn't sleep much at all the night before. So, in his defense, we usually talk after our son is asleep and he was probably waiting for that and fell asleep.

So, he came home at lunch time today and we talked. Very long story short, we talked about the IM, we talked about us working on the marriage, going to counseling together, and he told me about the apartment. He told me he got it in December and he wasn't keeping it. He told me he wasn't moving out; he wants to stay here and work on the marriage. We did talk about how much he has hurt me over the last several months. Although, New Years Eve didn't come up. I feel we need to talk about that. That was so low. We need to talk about it, but I just don't know how I'm going to approach it.

I talked to my MIL again this afternoon and she said she received an e-mail from him telling her that he was going to stay and work on the marriage. I think that's a positive sign too because he doesn't tell her anything. Most things she knows about came from me.

Okay, here's where I get really mad all over again. We had a decent night here. Around 9:50, I was putting clothes into the dryer and my H came down from upstairs and he was dressed (he was in comfortable lounging clothes before). He said "I'll be back in a little bit". I said, where are you going (I knew, but asked anyway)? He said OW called and she has some things she needs to say to him face to face. He said "trust me, it's not a happy meeting. I'll be back". I don't care if it's a happy meeting or not, that's not the point! He should not have went!!!!!!! I was so upset! She calls and he jumps!!! I don't care if she's upset. I was upset for months and where was he - F#$cking her! Oh, I was so upset. I called a friend of mine (who is a co-worker of theirs). Before my H left he said the OW called him and that I could call him while he was gone if I wanted to. So I did. Our friend just said that my H came into his office around 4:00 today and told him that he was going to work on the marriage. He is very guarded though; he doesn't know if he believes my H. He's hoping he can do it, but he's not sure. Anyway, he did talk to the OW that day and she was very upset. I guess my H told her that he wasn't keeping the apartment and that he was going to stay with me.

I asked my friend how long I should let him stay over there. He suggested that I give him this one time to end things. He felt it was all ending. He said to give them this time to end it, but then that's it. He can't do it any more. So, I didn't know what to do.

I finally called my H around 12:!5 am (he was gone about 2 hours and I was furious) and he was on his way home. I wanted to drill him when he got home. I wanted to tell him that this can't happen ever again. No contact has to start and that it hurt me when he left. It hurt that she called and he jumped. When he got in, which was probably a minute after I called, he acted normal. He was talking to me about supper, etc...Then, he went upstairs to change and take his contacts out. When he came back down he wanted to know if I wanted to finish watching a movie we had started. He did ask if I called our friend and I said yes. He wanted to know what he said. I told him. Then, I wanted to know what happened while he was over there and he didn't want to talk about it. Of course! He said he just sat and listened to another person for 2 hours telling him how much they hated him - or something like that. I told him I didn't hate him and he said he was sure I did in some way (he's probably right). He said the only person who doesn't hate him is our son and that's only because he doesn't know any better (he's probably right!). So, I still wanted to talk, but he didn't want to; he said he's not in a good frame of mind to talk right now.

So, I dropped it. We finished watching the movie and he fell asleep. I will talk to him about it again. I want to know what was said for 2 hours. I also need to talk to him about New Years Eve. We need to talk about no contact. Also, my friend that I talked to tonight suggested that I take his cell phone from him. He has no reason to have it. Then, that way if the OW calls. I can answer it. So, I may ask him to give me his cell phone. But, I don't think he will.

He did mention today that he wanted to take things slow. So, I'm hesitant to bombard him with all of the recovery information. I'll need advice on where to go from here soon.

So, here's the really good stuff. When he fell asleep I got his cell phone. I found two text messages from the OW (they're great!):

1/2/07 @ 4:25 pm
f**k you

1/2/07 4:26 pm
sorry...I forgot to say that to you before I hung up

Then, I got into his voicemail and there were 3 saved messages from her (these are even better):

Oh, she was balling when she left these. I was smiling and laughing the whole time I listened to them!!!!!! It was great to hear her cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1/2/07 @ 3:14 pm
(OW sobbing). Seriously, were you even gonna say anything if I hadn't asked you? You know, for the past 3 months I have put my life on hold. I've given everything to you. And that's how you treat me? You're an a*s*&ole, you know that? I don't deserve this. She doesn't deserve you. You can go to ****** for all I care.

Isn't that great?!?! She has put her life on hold - whatever!!! She doesn't deserve this! No, she deserves a whole lot more!!!!

1/2/07 @ 3:19 pm
(OW crying) I guess you don't even have the decency to talk to me right now. So, thank you for that. Ah, just so you know, you lost the best thing that ever happened to you.

1/2/07 @ 7:30 pm
(OW obviously mad) You are even more of an as*@*le than I ever thought. I have things I want to say to you. Call me back tonight.

I thought they were great. So, I have such a long road ahead of me and I have to make sure I do things right. This is long enough - sorry.

I will post tomorrow. It's 3:30 am here and I better get some sleep.

THANKS AGAIN TO ALL OF YOU.

It's fairly typical IP. He has to keep away from her. She will be tightening emotional screws on him as much as she can. You should assume their 2 hour meeting included sex. This could be repeated again - be on your guard. She is not going to just let go.

Please make sure you are not needy or desperate OK.

I would love to chat with your WH if he wanted. Moveforward knows how to contact me.

God Bless.

IP...so happy you are back and posting! But I'm even more happy to hear about how things are turning...slowly...but turning. Did you ever believe it?? Although there will be setbacks...what a change! You are strong. You can do this. You HAVE done this.

((((IP))))
LilSis

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you IP...You are doing great!!!! I have been keeping up w/ ur thread from day one and you have been thru the ringer...but you are kicking [censored] and taking names...Good for you girl....