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I told him that if God revealed to him that he should walk away from his wife, then I will support him 110%.


minwife - Let me get a grip on my "righteous anger" for a minute...... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Whew!

Okay, let's get back to basics and hopefully YOU will not be afraid to stand for the Lord.

You should NOT "support him 110%, or any percent for that matter, in any action that is in willful disobedience to God's commands and God's will. God hates divorce and ONLY grants the "right to a divorce" to the faithful spouse of an adulterer. HE has no rights and his attempts at twisting things to "get what he wants" are pathetic at the least and blashpemous at worst.


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He felt that God did not bring this marriage together since it was not working out.


IF you were both saved, then God unquestionably was a party to your marriage. He (God) entered your marriage as a COVENANTAL PARTNER. And God is faithfull to ALL of His covenants. Your husband does NOT get to "blame God" for his own sinful choices.


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This time he said that he wasn't sure what God's answer was but he was going to do what he wanted to do anyway.


This is the first truthful thing I have heard him say. First, God does NOT hear the prayers of a willful sinner, so it is not surprising that your husband "isn't sure" what God said. Silence is deafening sometimes.

But whether or not God heard him, your husband has made it clear that he WILL NOT submit to God and WILL do whatever he feels like doing. That is the issue in it's entirety, and if your husband thinks that is how a Christian is supposed to live his life,....well, you can make that assessment as well as I can.


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He said that he was afraid to wait on God but he was not sure why.


This is just another lie from your husband. He doesn't want to wait on God because he KNOWS that God is NOT going to tell him it's "okay" to commit willful sin, much less the forbidden sins of adultery, covetousness, etc..

He doesn't want to wait on God because God's answer is "NO!" and he wants to go ahead and do whatever he feels like doing regardless of what God, or anyone else, has to say about it.


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My husband and I are scheduled to meet with the Pastor of our church on Tuesday. I am not sure what the outcome of this will be. The Pastor is very hurt by this situation and I am not sure what direction he will take us. I told the Pastor that I would do whatever he thought was best for the situation.


Okay, then here's a couple of suggestions. email me immediately for the pamphlet I mentioned earlier. I also include a second one called "Marriage, Who's Dream?"

Read them BEFORE you meet with the Pastor and take them with you.

If your Pastor is NOT willing to stand for God and your marriage, then ask him plainly if he believes the Bible is the Word of God, inspired and inerrant. If he says anything other than "yes," then find another church immediately, because you do not need to be in a church that purports to believe in God, but not what God has revealed in His Word.

If he answers "yes," then tell him that you think it is time for him to implement Matthew 18:15-20 as ADULTERY is a gross and willful sin against God, as well as against you and your marriage.

minwife, this battle is for your husband's soul. NO unrepentant adulterers will be in heaven. God has plainly stated that. This is the "first" battle that must be engaged. Your marriage is second. It will be up to you, if your husband repents, whether or not you want to remain married to him, but it is NOT his choice.

Tuesday will be a "crisis intervention" time. Be prepared. Read the pamphlets. Read the Scripture. Pray for calm and steadfastness in standing for the Lord. Pray for your husband that he may have a softening of his heart and a receptiveness to the Holy Spirit that leads to conviction and repentance.

In the meantime, be assured that several here on MB will also be praying for you and your meeting on Tuesday.

God bless.

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minwife-

I will be praying for you tomorrow. I know exactly how you feel-fighting for your M and for your H's spiritual restoration. But, you can't save a M by yourself any more than you can applaud with one hand. All you can do is be accountable for yourself.

A friend said this to me when I was trying so hard to get my WH to see his sin and get back on track (last summer) "God will deal much more creatively with your H than you ever could" (remember Jonah?). Keep praying for your H. Pray that God's Holy Spirit will work in your H to expose, convict, and restore. Then, let that part be. That's the HS's work anyway.

Also, don't ever accept your WH's statements about God not wanting your marriage to stay together because things aren't working out. It is never God's will to end a marriage.

In Malachi 2:14-15 God tells the people of Judah why He isn't responding to their prayers " It is because the Lord is acting as a witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His..so guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith with the wife of your youth."

Please know that many here are lifting you up in prayer and God's promises are true

Prov 14:26 "[S]he who fears the Lord has a secure fortress and for [her] children it will be a refuge."

You are in my prayers today-


johnstwin-

"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther

Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!

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minwife - how did things go with the meeting with the Pastor?

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It sounds to me that your husband has a sexual addiction. This is type of issue is especially difficult since you are minister's wife and the both of you are expected to have a loving and happy relationship. I am sure that you have been praying. The only way your husband will change is if he wants to change. I know you want to save your marriage, what about saving yourself. If I were you I would separate. He really shouldn't be ministering at your church with this issue, that needs to be exposed as well.

He wants to honor the marriage......He should be honoring you.


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I am currently separated from my husband. I left home Dec. 28 and have not spoken to my husband since then. He has left me 4 messages including one on New Year's Eve to make sure that I am okay.

I had a private meeting with the Pastor earlier this week. The Pastor was very disturbed by everything that is going on. He had no idea that any of this was going on in our household. My husband has been making him believe that everything was fine. Unfortunately, I do not have any new information yet. The Pastor and my husband are both away on a business trip. The Pastor is planning on talking to my husband while they are on this trip. I will not know the outcome of this until the end of the week. The Pastor wants to schedule another meeting with us once he has a chance to talk to my husband. I will keep all of you posted on how that goes. Thanks so much for your prayers and advice.


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Do you go to a Christian church?

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minwife,

We will pray for you.

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You should NOT "support him 110%, or any percent for that matter,

I completely agree with ForeverHers. Gods will would be to fight FOR your marriage 110%.
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This time he said that he wasn't sure what God's answer was but he was going to do what he wanted to do anyway.
Your husband wasn't sure of God's answer because he does not want to listen to what God has to say, which is remain married. God is not going to tell him to get divorced.

God Bless
live4JC


CHERISH YESTERDAY, DREAM TOMORROW, LIVE TODAY BS 33 FWW 34 D-Day June 27, 2006 (PA) DS - 17 y.o DD - 12 y.o Married 13 yrs together 16+ yrs
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On Dec. 31 you posted this: My husband and I are scheduled to meet with the Pastor of our church on Tuesday. I am not sure what the outcome of this will be. The Pastor is very hurt by this situation and I am not sure what direction he will take us. I told the Pastor that I would do whatever he thought was best for the situation.


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On January 5th you posted this: I am currently separated from my husband. I left home Dec. 28 and have not spoken to my husband since then.

AND

I had a private meeting with the Pastor earlier this week. The Pastor was very disturbed by everything that is going on. He had no idea that any of this was going on in our household. My husband has been making him believe that everything was fine.


minwife - Something doesn't "smell" right.

On the 31st there is NO mention of you and your husband being separated, yet on Jan. 5th you state that you "left home" and separated on Dec.28th?

On Dec. 31st you speak, with NO mention of any separation, of having a JOINT meeting with the Pastor on Tuesday, Jan. 2nd, AND you say that you have NOT spoken with your husband since Dec. 28th?

Then you say that YOU had a private meeting with the Pastor "earlier this week," (maybe the aforementioned Tuesday Jan. 2nd meeting), yet that shouldn't have been since you previously mentioned that BOTH you and your husband were meeting with the Pastor that day?

Then, to "compound" the seeming inconsistancies, you stated in the Dec.28th post that " The Pastor is very hurt by this situation and I am not sure what direction he will take us. I told the Pastor that I would do whatever he thought was best for the situation." But in the current Jan.5th post you stated; "The Pastor was very disturbed by everything that is going on. He had no idea that any of this was going on in our household. My husband has been making him believe that everything was fine."(ostensibly the Pastor's "1st clue" that anything was "wrong" was the solo meeting you had with him earlierthis week)

I'm afraid I don't "get it." You OBVIOUSLY had spoken with the Pastor in December, informed him about at least some of what was going on, and set up the JOINT meeting with the Pastor as a result of that conversation. In THAT conversation, enough was said to the Pastor that he was "very hurt" by your situation, not sure "what direction he would take you," and that YOU told him that you would "do whatever he said."

NOW, in the current post you say that the meeting was just you and the Pastor and that the Pastor had "no clue" that ANYTHING was going on.

Forgive me, but I am having a LOT of trouble believing your story at this point.

Unless you can provide sufficient clarification of these glaring inconsistancies in the story, I am going to have to reconsider my participation in this thread. I understand how "mixed up" adultery causes one's thoughts, so I want to afford you the opportunity to clarify this issue and provide sufficient detail to indicate that this situation you have written about is real.

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I apologize for any confusion. Maybe I should have said that on the 28th I left my home. When I left, my plan was to only stay gone for the weekend. Now that I have met with the Pastor, I am not sure if this will be a temporary or permanent situation. The Pastor wants to save my marriage but we both realize that I cannot do this on my own. If my husband chooses not to work on the marriage, there is nothing that I can do. The Pastor's plan was to talk to my husband while they were out of town.

The original meeting with the Pastor was schedule for both of us. When I left on the 28th I told my husband that the Pastor wanted to meet with us on the following Tuesday and would be contacting him. The pastor was unable to confirm the appointment with my husband. I was not aware of this until the morning of the meeting. I am not sure if my husband got the Pastor's messages because I chose not to communicate with my husband during my time away. The Pastor said that he would continue to try to reach my husband. When I arrived at my appointment, the Pastor still had not talked to my husband and I ended up meeting with him on my own. I do not want to jump to conclusions as to why my husband was not there. In this case, there may have been a legitimate reason. He does respect the Pastor and the Pastor is also his employer.

When I said that the Pastor had no idea that this was going on in my household, I mean prior to me informing him last week. The Pastor sees my husband every day and always asks about me. My husband never mentioned that this was going on. So, when I told the Pastor my story, he was very surprised.

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Dearest Mimwife, I want to to tell you that I am a wife of a minister that has had an affair.

You can survive, but you have to decide that Jesus is first for you! Then from there regain your strength and intimacy with HIM.

Foreverhers is wealth of knowledge and caring, good questions are asked, ponder them. Ask questions that you really wanted answered here.


Remember, you are living out the choices. It is a time to gut out some issues, look in the mirror, take off the veil of what life should be and look at what is there.

I will pray for you that God is able to break through the hard shells of life and take you into the warmth of his arms.


I am hanging on to the only anchor that holds on in any storm. JESUS
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My husband and I met with the Pastor yesterday. My husband was very arrogant during the meeting. My husband has decided that he does not want to work on the marriage. He does not see the marriage getting any better and does not have faith that God can turn this around. He told the Pastor that he wanted to dissolve the marriage. He also told the Pastor that he felt that God was leading him in a different direction. The Pastor told him that God would not direct him away from his wife. My husband admitted to the Pastor that from the beginning of the marriage, he never put forth an effort to be the husband that God wanted him to be. My husband also told the Pastor that he felt that he was not capable of ministering to others in the church. At the end of the meeting, the Pastor reminded us of a couple who went through the same thing and were able to restore their marriage. The Pastor prayed for restoration of our marriage. The Pastor is still very hopeful that we will be able to reconcile.

After the meeting, the Pastor walked me out. He was very upset with my husband and told me that he was not finished talking to him. I think there were some things that the Pastor wanted to discuss with him on a spiritual level and also man to man. I am very afraid of my husband's state of mind. I told the Pastor that I really don't have any choice at this point because even though I love my husband and want to work on the marriage, my husband has free will and if he decided not to work on the marriage, there is nothing that I can do.

As I was leaving the church, my husband called me and asked to see me. I saw a completely different side of him. He was very sad and showed some humility. This was not the same person who was in the Pastor's office five minutes prior. He wanted to find out why I had not been returning his phone calls. I told him that I did not want to talk to him because there were so many times that I wanted to talk to him and he did not answer his phone because he was too busy with work or other activities. He also asked me if it was okay for him to call me. I asked him why he wanted to call me and he stated that he wanted to check in and make sure that we were okay.

At this point, I feel like I really don't have any other choice so I am meeting with the spiritual counselor next week to figure out my next step. I have an attorney lined up. So, between the two, I am hoping to make a decision within the next few weeks.


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By all means line up an attorney. You need to protect yourself financially. But there is no hurry to divorce.

Is the other woman married? I may have missed that.

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does not have faith that God can turn this around


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He also told the Pastor that he felt that God was leading him in a different direction


This man is in a spiritual battle and the soul level. He is completely lost and caught up in ME ME ME ME ME ME ME just like all WS are. SELFISHNESS beyond belief.

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As I was leaving the church, my husband called me and asked to see me. I saw a completely different side of him. He was very sad and showed some humility. This was not the same person who was in the Pastor's office five minutes prior. He wanted to find out why I had not been returning his phone calls. I told him that I did not want to talk to him because there were so many times that I wanted to talk to him and he did not answer his phone because he was too busy with work or other activities. He also asked me if it was okay for him to call me. I asked him why he wanted to call me and he stated that he wanted to check in and make sure that we were okay.


minwife - be vigilant and be patient.

The meeting with the Pastor was a good first step.

While it sounds as though your husband was being convicted of his sin, his actions will tell over time.

The "way back" is not often easy either. Remember that the enemy does NOT want reconciliation or a return to submission of one's life to God and will fight, so pray for your husband during this time.

God bless.

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Hello Minwife-

ForeverHers is right. The way back will not be easy.

God has been showing me a lot about the enemy's pattern lately as He has been shaping my prayer life and it's helped me see where my WH started to fall into the enemy's plan to distract my WH from his ministry.

Here's the basic plan: get us to doubt God's word, then doubt God's character (that He truly wants the best for us etc., and then exalt the individual (my needs are most important, I don't care about my responsbilities) and that we are exempt from the consequences of our choices.

It's as old as the temptation in the garden.

It is good that you saw a glimpse of your real Husband, some real emotion and sadness. That means his heart is still open to the conviction of the Holy Spirit. But, be prepared for the alien to return after those moments as the enemy changes tactics and starts accusing him of being a total failure...( a man's greatest fear).

I know with my WH, initially he was remorseful and seemed willing to work at our M. But, once the real work of MC started he "turned off".

I realize now he had initially believed those lies (you don't have to be accountable to anyone-you are entitled to your feelings-you can handle this-it's not wrong if it feels right-I deserve to be happy) then when it was exposed the enemy turned it into accusations: "You failed, you can't go back to ministry." My WH has actually said that he won't go back to ministry. He has even tried to close off his real self to be in this stale place he has chosen for himself.

You do need to protect yourself financially and legally. A legal separation is not a dissolution. It also may give you some breathing space to continue to seek counsel, and to let God continue working.

In my state a LSA is good for 14 months and can continue to be renewed. Your lawyer will know more.

Keep praying for your H. Pray for this battle for his mind and his emotions. I will pray the same for you.

You are in my thoughts-


johnstwin-

"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther

Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!

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From the very beginning of this journey, my plan was to stand for my marriage. I truly believed that this was what God wanted me to do. Now I am more concerned about saving my husband. I have never experienced anything like this before. I have received so much support from his family and they are all very concerned about his spiritual well being. They see how lost he is and really don't know how to help him (with the exception of prayer). He also is not telling them the entire story. They all want him to work on his marriage but he feels that everyone is ganging up on him (including the Pastor). I believe that God can turn my situation around. However, I am starting to think that my husband may be able to find his way back to God quicker if I granted him the divorce. Maybe I am the roadblock. I know that he started to lose his way before he ever met me but I am thinking that the marriage complicated things even more. I am very concerned about his spiritual and emotional state of mind right now. I feel that if I let my marriage go, then he would be able to possibly get his life back on track. And of course, I would never stop praying for him. Any thoughts?


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In my church, we believe that the BS also has a convenant with God. I stayed and tried to work on the marriage for 3 and a half years. Sadly, my WH continued living with the OW.

It is so strange, because WH was very active in our church for over 20 years. In one of the last letters I received from WH, he said he had been convicted of his sin, and was paying the consequences. He was still living with the OW at that time. It is so strange the way they turn everything around.

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(((((minwife)))))


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From the very beginning of this journey, my plan was to stand for my marriage. I truly believed that this was what God wanted me to do. Now I am more concerned about saving my husband.


For those of us who have been faced with a similar situation let me say that I understand what you thinking. It IS correct to have the condition of your husband's soul as the "higher priority" simply because our relationship with God (saved or condemned) through Christ IS the highest priority for all people. It places the "eternal" over the "temporal" and "transitory."

At the same time it IS also your command from God to STAND for your one flesh marriage with the help of God. God DOES give you the right to divorce if YOU cannot forgive AND continue living with the spouse who committed adultery. God "hates" divorce, but He also recognizes that adultery is a severing of the marriage covenant AND that the sin is "so offensive" to human emotions that a loving marriage that honors and glorifies God may not be possible for the Betrayed Spouse who may be "weaker in the faith." I personally believe that this is because of the promises a BS makes when they forgive a WS, but then tries to live up to the promises inherent in forgiving without trusting in God to provide all the resources and strength.
When we DO rely on God (as in God's promise of Philippians 4:13), God is faithful to all of His promises to us. We have to get our "emotions" out of the way, as real as they are (and God knows them and how hard they are for us to deal with), and place our trust in God and His omniscience and omnipotence.


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I believe that God can turn my situation around. However, I am starting to think that my husband may be able to find his way back to God quicker if I granted him the divorce.


I fully understand the enticing appeal of this sort of thinking. I have had similar thoughts, as I am sure many have had. BUT, this is NOT "God's way." "God's way" is to not presume to act for God. If your wedding vows were similar to mine, there was a commitment before God to each other "for better or for worse," etc.

With little objection I am sure that ALL Betrayed Spouses, believers and unbelievers alike, will tell you that adultery IS "the worst." Just as Israel's adultery from God was terrible, yet He endured to death in order to make salvation possible, so God tell us that marriage is, or should be, "like Christ and His bride, the church."

This situation of adultery brings us "face to face" with sacrificial love. Not just "simple" sacrificial love, but sacrificial love "to the death." The death of your covenantal marriage is "at stake." So my advice would be to persevere in the face of the real sin and the real emotional impact. Submit your emotions to God.

Recognize that NOTHING that we do, or that anyone can do, SAVES anyone. It is an act of God. Substituting your actions that could be based in understandable, but incorrect, reactions to your emotions for God's sovereignty is NOT what God wants. God wants your TRUST in Him to KNOW what your husband needs, and the timeframe needed.

Understand that I am speaking in the assumption that your husband IS a born again believer who is backslidden and caught in the snare of adultery. For believers, God has made it clear that they ARE saved and cannot lose their salvation. God has also made it clear that the indwelling Holy Spirit will NOT fail to convict a believer of their sin and bring them to repentance. Yes, we CAN run from God for "a while," but not forever. There is no place we can go where the Holy Spirit does not go with us. Therefore, a believer WILL repent of their sin and begin the possibly long process of being led back to the safety of the "fold."

If your husband is NOT a believer, AND he wants a divorce, then Paul has made it equally clear that you CAN "let him go." Believers should not be unequally yoked and God is also a "God of peace" for believers who are yoked to unbelievers who will not live "as if" they godly husbands.

So the "key question" right now is whether or not you believe that your husband had a saving faith at some point whereby he became "born again" in Christ?


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I feel that if I let my marriage go, then he would be able to possibly get his life back on track. And of course, I would never stop praying for him. Any thoughts?


Thougts? Yes, I am thinking of the Prodigal Son. The father did NOT sever the family relationship. He DID release the son to God to "do his thing," trusting that God would reach the son in God's time. In effect, the father "Plan B'd" the son, leaving him to his own resources and in God's hands. The faithful brother also had to be reminded that forgiveness with God, and restoration of relationship with God and family, IS what "should be done" for those who have remained faithful, despite any seeming human "inequity." No, it is not easy. But God really doesn't ask us to the the "easy." He tells us to "take up our cross and follow Him."

At this point in time I can only offer you the hope that is in God. I can offer you my own example that God IS faithful to His promises and He has restored my marriage and both my wife and I have grown immensely in our own walk with God. We are not perfect, nor do we have a "perfect marriage," but we DO have a marriage where our love for each other has been reestablished stronger than ever and that is centered in God. Both of us have taken different, and at differing rates, paths back. But God's "marriage triangle" is faithful and true. With God as the head, the "distance" between husband and wife MUST shorten as we each "get closer to God" in our individual walk. There is NO WAY that it cannot happen when we both submit to God's Lordship and humbly submit to God in obedience to His commands.

So there IS hope. It is the hope of God's faithfulness to His promises to His children. That is the "essence" of Romans 8:28. God promises that He WILL use all the circumstances in our lives to work good that brings Him honor and glory, for those who are walking with Him in love.

God bless and grant you His peace and strength to rest in Him and to do His will in your life.

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Thank you so much for all of your advice and prayers. I sent my husband a "good bye" letter. My faith in God is so strong right now. I know that God is going to bless me. I also look forward to how he will use me to help other people.

I decided that as much as I love my husband, I cannot make him want to stay in the marriage. We both know what God wants us to do but he also has free will. Everyone including the Pastor, his mother and father, his best friend, etc. has talked to him and he is still making the same decision. So, if he chooses to turn his back on God and on our marriage then I can't stop him. He just does not see any other way because he does not feel that the relationship is going to work. I will continue to pray for him.


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He just does not see any other way because he does not feel that the relationship is going to work.


This is the KEY point. He continues to place his "feelings" ahead of his humble obedience to God regardless of what he might be feeling. In essence, he believes God is a liar, just as Satan told Eve.

NO ONE coming out of an affair, or a decision to put their feelings ahead of God, "feels like" there is "hope" or a "light at the end of the tunnel" initially, not the Wayward Spouse nor the Faithful Spouse. They DO what is required out of OBEDIENCE simply because the LORD has commanded them. We do NOT have to "like" what God commands, but as His servants we only have the right to obey, not to disregard and/or disobey.


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I decided that as much as I love my husband, I cannot make him want to stay in the marriage.


Of course you can't. "Wanting" to stay in the marriage is an emotional response that FOLLOWS the decision to obey God regardless of how one might be feeling "now." In short, your husband does not trust God.


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We both know what God wants us to do but he also has free will.

Yes, we do have "Free Will." But "Free Will" that is innate in all humans is NOT capable of choosing God or doing good. When someone is brought to belief (by God) in Jesus and acceptance of Jesus as Lord and Savior, God CHANGES ("new creation") the person, and their "Free Will" to ENABLE them to choose godly obedience. It is one of the reasons I contend that one who has been truly saved CANNOT run indefinately from God, because they have the indwelling Holy Spirit who WILL convict them of their sin.

If your husband truly "KNOWS" what God wants done in your situation, then he has no option other than to submit to God. God does NOT give His children "rocks" to eat, He gives them His unbreakable promises AS WE walk in His Lordship of our lives. It is a PROMISE of God to His children, and God is faithful to ALL of His promises.

That DOES NOT mean that obedience "feels easy." It often does not. But again, the "feeling" is NOT the issue. Obedience is the issue, to THE ONE who DID NOT FEEL LIKE DIEING ON THE CROSS FOR MY SINS, the one who pleaded with the Father THREE times to NOT have to endure the Cross, yet who submitted HIS will to the Father's will, out of humble obedience to and love for the Father, and US. Your husband's "feelings," if you'll pardon me, PALE in comparison to what God has already done for him (and for you and me and for all believers).


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Everyone including the Pastor, his mother and father, his best friend, etc. has talked to him and he is still making the same decision. So, if he chooses to turn his back on God and on our marriage then I can't stop him.

No, you are correct, you cannot stop him. That is God's "job" if your husband is one of God's elect. I told my wife that SHE would be the one to have to file for divorce because I would not. You may not "feel" a similar level of commitment to your marriage or think that your husband has responed "quickly enough," and YOU HAVE THAT RIGHT. Jesus gave you that right, the right to a divorce for adultery.

Remember, too, that a Matthew 18:15-20 intervention MAY NOT be met with repentance immediately. It is but "one way" that God "turns up the heat" on a willfully sinning believer. But it does make it crystal clear the COMMUNITY of believers stands on God's principles and not the "world's principles" that the "I" is preeminant and "above God."

IF he is not a believer, then you also have the Pauline "permission" to "let the unbeliever go" if they WILL NOT (there's that Free Will that is incapable of 'doing good') stay with you AS IF they were a believer, fulfilling God's commands for husbands, even though do not share your faith.


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He just does not see any other way because he does not feel that the relationship is going to work. I will continue to pray for him.


One last time, it is NOT about feelings. It is about obedience to God. Period. As a Christian, there is no other "good" option.

YOUR "option" is one of perseverence and "waiting on the Lord," if you choose that option. That is because you DO have the option of divorce, but in my humble opinion, you may not have given it "enough time."


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I sent my husband a "good bye" letter. My faith in God is so strong right now.


There is nothing wrong in a "good bye" letter. But I do wonder how strong your faith in God is and your commitment to YOUR wedding vows. It does not appear to me that you have "given it enough time," or "done all that you can do." It appears to be more connected to an emotional reaction (i.e., the desire to 'throw in the towel'). I understand those feelings INTIMATELY because I "got close" to tossing in the towel several times during our 4 years in recovery, starting with a realization that you articulated earlier; "I cannot 'force' a change in her heart, that is up to God." What kept me "in the game" was God's promises to "be there" through it all, to trust Him to know what is needed and when it is needed and how long the whole process will take.

I would urge you to "take two steps back from the precipice" and "wait on the Lord." Your husband now knows that you are "willing to cut him loose." It wasn't until I reached that same point with my wife that SHE began to really feel and see the impact of her CHOICES. The same may be true for your recalcitrant husband, but "only time will tell." Will you give God "some time?"

(((((minwife)))))

God bless and keep you in His arms.

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