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Well, I think a guinea pig or hamster or a pygmy bunny rabbit (so sweet) or something else, so that there is no room for rats and they have a healthy small pet Mom got them and they picked out themselves. End of story, sorry Dad, Mom said we could only get one.


[color:"#39395A"]***Well, it's sort of hard to still wonder if you were consolation prize in the midst of being cherished.***
- Noodle[/color]

Devastation Day: Aug 26, 2004
[color:"#2964d8"]"I think we have come out on the other side... meaning that we love each other more than we ever did when we loved each other most." [/color]
[color:"#7b9af7"]
~Archibald MacLeish[/color]

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Me FBS - 44
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I married him all over again, May 07
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Look, Sis, about the dog, don't get another dog yet. Certainly you can plan what kind of dog you'd like to have. Shelters often have an array of mixies that are great designer dogs. We have three and my favorite is a rescue Labrador/Shar Pei mix. She is a great, smart, strong, loving, protective dog, and about 50 lbs.

Unless you won't mind having two. Sweetie, that fat lady has not even come close to her part in this opera.

Last edited by Mates4Life; 05/02/07 05:51 AM.

[color:"#39395A"]***Well, it's sort of hard to still wonder if you were consolation prize in the midst of being cherished.***
- Noodle[/color]

Devastation Day: Aug 26, 2004
[color:"#2964d8"]"I think we have come out on the other side... meaning that we love each other more than we ever did when we loved each other most." [/color]
[color:"#7b9af7"]
~Archibald MacLeish[/color]

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In terms of the dog...it is clear to me that it will be my dog (P) or nothing. If I gave a thumb's up to a dog, the boys would want P, no question. And I love her, too, and she's a known commodity in terms of personality, needs, shedding, etc. Unfortunately, she does have a connection to RT, as WH used to take P for "runs"...but would really go out to meet RT. Blech.

I was thinking about a new dog PRIOR to learning that WH was willing to give P back; she was gone for good as far as I was concerned. So now, it's her or nothing...no way I would let her go to someone else!

I'm not going to encourage it either way...let the boys take the lead on this one. I'm sure not in any hurry to add to my responsibilities....and a dog does make it difficult to go away overnight.

Aside from the dog, there will be no other pets! This house is not a zoo (figuratively, maybe, but we don't need to push it any further in to the realm of reality)

SL: Too early for annuals here, but everything is so green; it's about time to mow again! I did all the edging and cleaned out the gardens...looks nice. The poker girls and I are going to scrape and paint the garage later this summer. Next time I work outdoors, I am going to take your advice and load a book on my ipod...need a REAL distraction. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

(10S...if I did get a dog, it would be a shelter or rescue dog. Something cute and sweet and medium sized...emphasis on sweet!)

Two months of Plan B as of tomorrow. It's definitely better here, but "better" is very relative... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

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LilSis,

Just wanted to share this <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

I was part of an interesting conversation last night. Some friends & I got together for a scrapbooking session. The talk turned to gossip about some local people. Here is their sitch:

“C” was married to a well-to-do and well-respected businessman. She began an A with “F”, a married man with kids, also well-like and well-respected, but just a middle class guy. The A was discovered. C and her H divorced, F filed, moved in with his parents and is still in the middle of his D.

So the latest gossip is -it seems C has gotten tired of waiting around for and dealing with F, who is now regarded as a big loser who can’t afford to take care of himself, let alone keep C in all her high maintenance lifestyle. They can’t even get together because she has her kids most of the time (not that she really wanted them to interfere with her fun, but she had to keep up appearances by getting custody) and she at least has the discretion to not let F spend the night when they are there. Of course “his place” is out. So are those fun overnight getaways they use to go on unless she wants to plan and pay! F is busy working overtime, making time for his kids, dealing with the D and helping take care of his parents place.

So C has now moved on to “B” – another local businessman who has never been married and has a single lifestyle that is more to C’s liking. That leaves F in a big self-created mess.

Consensus of the group was that F’s wife would be crazy to take him back, but I talked about a lot of the MB stuff and got them to agree that IF he admits how wrong he was and gets whatever help he needs to become a healthy person and spouse, it would be much better to put the family back together and ignore C as she continues on with her own self-destructive life.

Couldn’t help thinking of you the whole time this was being discussed. Things can take interesting twists sometimes.

Hope your week is going well.


I put a dollar in a change machine, but nothing changed. - George Carlin
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Shol:

Omigosh! What a great story! Are you sure you don't live in my town?!?

Unfortunately, these stories are just all too common, aren't they? It's mind-boggling, really.

I was just reading SD's thread and he was triggered by OM's filing, which reminded me of meggy's little detective work that uncovered the fact that RT's D was final in January.

So...yeah...it's interesting, isn't it? RT will be cooling her heels for quite some time as we wait around for it to be all said and done. By the time Aug. 2 rolls around (and that's just another settlement conference), she's eight months into her freedom and still can't spend ANY time as the Brady Bunch....and WH is STILL living at ILs because he can't afford anything else...and she's not rolling in the dough, either...

Never thought of it that way... (stroking chin thoughtfully)

Suddenly MY life looks pretty darn rosy... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Does anyone know of a "B" who could happen upon RT and sweep her off her feet (big fat kankles and all)? Hey! A "B" Bomb! (remeber jim's ho-bombing sceanrio?)

Unfortunately, I don't know how RT will ever meet her "B" unless it's another regular in the coffee shop, and my sense is that that place doesn't cater to a high class clientele.

Someone could make a great living by renting himself out as "B." Something to think about, guys...take one for the team, would ya?

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Someone called my backdoor number at work today. WH is the only one who knows it, as far as I know. I didn't pick up, and whoever called didn't leave a message.

When I got home, I saw that the IL's local number had called at about the same time; no message. (WH never uses their phone)

Maybe the ILs are back.

Maybe that's what raised the whole dog issue...maybe MIL isn't so keen on the idea of living with a dog again...

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I remember the ho-bombing scenario.

Is RT halfway attractive? Your best bet would be to get a local bachelor/player to set out on a conquest. I'm sure that he wouldn't have any qualms about what he was doing (he uses women anyway, and this one is getting what she deserves), and would easily have the game to pull it off. RT seems like an attention ****** (among other kinds as well) who would just eat that crap up. So if you have a friend of a friend who facies himself a player, you might have him start dropping by the coffee shop in the morning and start flirting with RT. Afterall, she's divorced and doesn't have any ring on her finger. She's not in a committed relationship. She's probably getting tired of waiting on your H as well. Then your H won't even have the excuse of staying with RT because of obligation over breaking up RT's M, because she'll have someone (who will quickly discard her when he's done with her).


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
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Funny you should mention doing that. My EXH's wife told me last night that I should try to find a man who could flirt with trampy.

What do you think LilSis? Would it work for you?


WS-36
BS (me)-28
4 Kids
A started Jan 07
________________________________

Then the time came
When the risk it took
to remain tight in a bud
Was more painful than
the risk it took to blossom.

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Uh, not sure this is a good idea. Remember the RO?

OTOH, sure would be cool though to see her (RT) bite. We could even start a pot as to how long it would take her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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In my experience, mischief tends to backfire on the mischief-maker.

RT will discover this one day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

TA


"Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people." - Spencer Johnson
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Uh, not sure this is a good idea. Remember the RO?

Boo! What a stick in the mud. Why did you have to go and ruin it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
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The R/O has an expiration date ... when is it?

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Hey, all the speculation about Plan "B" is tons o' fun...but that kind of stuff never works out for me IRL. Surpises, secrets...I'm no good at that stuff. It would backfire for sure...my luck.

Not to mention it is not at all in keeping with my (real) Plan B. (que the halo)

Now...if someone had a load of cash to waggle in front of RT....that might do the trick.

I think the R/O is for the duration of my probation...so til next January??? At this rate, about the time my D will be final. Ha. ha. ha.

No commentary on the phone calls??? No speculation??? C'mon, this is the only entertainment I have in Plan B. (oh yeah, Grey's Anatomy's on tonight...)

Fellow gardeners: I hacked the bejeezus out of my rose bushes!!! They're really old, but were getting really wild and scraggly (they grow and climb along the picket fence). Now they look scalped! They grow like mad all spring and summer, so I'm not too worried, but it's rather shocking!

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I cut my roses back last fall after they had climbed WAY up, up, up. They have billions of buds right now. I cannot WAIT until they begin to bloom, as they will bloom all summer until the frost. The roses here are pretty old, too, but they have survived much more than being cut back. I've transplanted them a few times in the course of the past 13 years, too.

The phone calls could have either been from the IL's, as you haven't been calling or from your WH looking to get the dog back to you.


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Hi Sis, glad to find you sounding chipper at the moment. How is your weather now? It had been getting so hot here, comparatively speaking, like 86 and 88, and now suddenly it's been cold and raining. I finally had to turn on the heater for a little bit tonight, after I had huddled in a blankie for a while and was still cold. My body knew it was frigid, but my mind keeps thinking it's a balmy spring evening.

I have been doing a ton of gardening. Zucchini and yellow squash, watermelong and cantelope, beans and peas, radishes and carrots, tomatoes, and I just put in a huge corn patch yesterday. All in my front yard. Oh well, the grass wasn't growing anyway. Now, with all the soil improvements I made, somebody, someday, might be able to grow a lawn.

Hang in there kiddo, you can do this. Keep fighting the good fight. Ignore the drama, and keep your focus above.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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Hi Neak...yes, it is beautiful here...we are in line for the third beatiful weekend in a row! (for us, that's good...) A little too early for annuals yet, but the boys and I are working the garden and Mr. Neighbor is going to help the boys use his small rototiller in preparation for the veggies that they want to grow. Each boy will have his own patch.

********

Talked to my sister this morning as we try to confirm and coordinate our flights to the Cape. She was anxious…I asked why. She said she needed to talk to me about something, but didn’t have time just then as she was leaving for work. I asked if she could just give me a quick hint about what it was….

WH called her yesterday (must have been him who tried calling yesterday). He wanted to offer me use of the cottage that first week in August. She made the decision on the spot that I wouldn’t want it (thus her anxiety; she was worried that I would have disagreed). She told him that it has sort of “lost its appeal” with all the drama related to it, and all the memories attached to it, and that I had resigned myself to not going, and am making other vacation plans.

I’m thinking now that he’s $2400 in arrears, plus paying CS, plus making the house payment, plus paying his attorney, maybe he can’t afford to go to the cottage this year (not likely, but whatever). Or he’s having some crisis of conscience, which is even more unlikely. Or RT is wanting her props, and he’s having trouble juggling life AND getting his fix at the same time, and wants one thing off of his plate (like the dog?).

I guess speculating is not very Plan B of me...but it breaks up the monotony.

Billy Joel tonight!

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Lilsis:

I will jump in with the phone calls.

MIL/FIL may be back.

You would know. You went dark with them, but not completly. You limited your contact. I believe you would at least know they were heading to MI.

It had to be H.

Back Channel?

You only go thru routes that only H & W share when it is something that only the H & W share. KWIM?

In other words, IF WH wanted to talk, knowing the conditions of Plan B, He can contact you via phone, Attorney, letter, your intermediary, pinning a note to DS11 shirt, etc, if he wants to blast you for the FOC/other issues.

However, using a method that only H knows... Means....

1. He really wanted to blow you up, and thought that maybe this way he could get there....

2. He is really, really losing control, and he really, really, wanted to get back in control by contacting you. Plan B is working, and he realizes that RT isn't for him...

I believe a scale would indicate that he is closer to #2, than #1.

As awful as us Waywards can be, there are still some shreds of decency in us. If we were relativly honorable before the A started. Some things I would have never done during my A, although I did a lot of horrible things, (amazing how clearly I see these things now... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />) And if there was something just between BS and I, I knew I was crossing another line IF I tried to exploit it.

Just my take. It's how I felt when I read it yesterday.

Because, WH has used your intermediary. This is his first REAL attempt to bypass that, that I can recall.

Interesting.

Stay Dark, and stay put. Let him come to you.

(((LS)))

LG

ETA: We posted at the same time, About your sisters conversation with WH. Interesting..

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Agree with LG, it was a bypass attempt.

He wanted to offer you the cottage. hmmmmmmm.

He pulled a stinky move taking it out from under you, and doesn't like how it feels when you don't stay in conflict about it.

Kinda like a little bully who steals a toy he doesn't want just to provoke the little girl. Then when the little girl moves on to another toy, he's left feeling unsatisfied.

Lilsis -- he's trying to break Plan B. We all knew he would! First the dog (through the kids), now the cottage (through your sister.)

He knows the rules, why isn't he going through your intermediary? When is the last time he contacted your intermediary?

He's trying to get to you. He doesn't like you being removed. Be prepared for more assaults!

Basically, MB IS WORKING. Be sure to let it!

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wow....how interesting.
i think you sister handled it beautifully.
i really like that she told him it's lost it's appeal.....perfect!!

YOU have a blast w/ Billy Joel tonight.
i grew up in the Northeast.....he was HUGE... i can't believe i never saw him...heard he puts on a fabulous show.
have fun!!

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I think a blessing of plan B can be time to think about yourself, your life's timeline, your strengths of character, the pieces of yourself you wish to improve

all in preparation for a better future no matter what comes

when you were in plan A you DID make points with WH, and do not fool yourself for one minute ~~~> he will be thinking about those changes, those memories of plan A LilSis will be like a worm in his brain!

I'd like to ask you to think about the changes you made in plan A and improve upon them

one of your bigger changes was learning to express appreciation for WH's efforts, no matter how small

you can improve on this in plan B by spreading appreciation and gratitude everywhere you go

make gratitude and appreciation your new mantra

go out of your way to show appreciation and gratitude for small graces

God will be in your heart as you do this and blessings will follow

be gracious grateful and unexpectedly appreciative at least once everyday to someone you meet

YOU have made such huge changes since you got to MB
one of the bigger ones is letting go of MISS PERFECTION

when you shove her out the door you leave room for gratitude and appreciation

it's grace time

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