ummm, have you ever been to TEXAS??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> YOU would get arrested for pestering the police with calls like that! They would say "and your point is...........??" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Mel<----moron who is packing heat <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

cept when the gun's place in ONES mouth...
then the police step up....

Texas mouths are for bar-b-Que...Salsa...and big fat tall tales....allllllllllllllllllll about texas....

ain't no room for no saturdaynight special with all that in there already...

ARK

part of me is sorry for making light of this (here/now) up above though let me just say...once again that the WS was NO victim to repeatitive suicide attempts....

Pariah...sorry you had a bad experience but te advice was sound and you exceptionally limited experience does not change that.

mecd,


Yes I would, because I did say that certainly the behavior of the man's WW and her OM contributed to his making the decision to take his own life. They should feel some guilt.

I see this as similar to a BS contributing to the condition of a marriage in such a manner that the WS makes a decision to have an affair. The BS can share responsibility for the condition of the marriage, but the WS owns the decision to have an affair.

Even in the case of a rape victim, there are solutions to that pain other than suicide. As my Pastor once told me, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation.

Who

Didn't the OW threaten your H with her own suicide in July? Does she own a gun too?

Both the OW and her husband sound nuttier than squirrell poo, and they have infected Lost's family with their emotional ecoli (specifically her wh - who is still not fully taking his penicillian).

Your wh CANNOT FIX HER. He cannot make this better for her. She is broken, and only SHE can glue her pieces back together.

He can only fix himself - and the only real way to do this is to back off the crazy nutter.

Listen, VD (the OW in my sitch) SLASHED her wrists in front of my husband. When he took her to the hospital she said, "See, I knew I could get you back." Later, she tried the suicide threat again and he had wised up to it. Guess what she did then? MADE UP A RAPE. Filed it and everything.

The point? These people KNOW what they are doing and escalate it accordingly when they don't get the response they are looking for.

I find some of the responses to this thread upsetting and insensitive. The fact that many of you heartlessly chose to disregard the validity of OW's claims of abuse by her husband to focus on the betrayal she perpetrated by having an affair is well...disturbing. Having been a victim of this type of abuse I can sympathize with this womans pain. My WH threatened suicide several times during our marriage as a means to control and intimidate me. The times I chose not to call the police were because I was afraid that he would shoot me or my daughter instead of himself. Your callous responses really shocked me.

There really is no excuse for her affair. But her affair is IMHO not the reason her husband killed himself. That could have happened if she had left him FOR ANY REASON. He was trying to control her and this behavior would have continued regardless of her affair. That being said the WH in this situation should feel remorse for his affair and that alone. He was not responsible for the BS's suicide. He was a sick and troubled man.

I am not "nuttier than squirrel poo" for having made the mistake of marrying a man capable of such behavior. I did not ask to be treated that way and am working very hard to not be treated that way ever again.

She (the OW) is nuttier than squirrel poo for trying the same tack that her husband did when MM tried to break up with her.

Yep.

It's emotional extortion at it's finest.

BTDT, got the t-shirt and it HOOVERS.

I know FIRST HAND that kind of extortion and I'm not talking about what my FWH went through.

And as I said, this is about the WH and OW turning this into a bullet with which to strafe Lost's family into shreds.

It's nothing more or less.

OW might be broken by her abusive husband, but SHE'S USING THAT ABUSE FOR HER OWN GAIN.

It's a vicious, ugly circle that Lost's husband CAN put an end to.

Just what do you mean by exceptionally limited experience?

I might have had a gun pointed in my face before and had to send a man home in a plastic bag.

lies,

Sorry you had to experience this. I understand your point of view.

I honestly believe that my FWH was at the point of suicide when he ended his affair. He thought he could have the affair without it having any affect on the rest of his life.

He was wrong, and then OW just wouldn't let go. He was scared and knew that he was being manipulated by OW, but his fear of what she would do kept him under her control, for nearly 4 months.

I could see him becoming more and more angry and his behavior was degenerating before my eyes. I think that he was at the point point of suicide on the day he ended the affair.

I don't doubt that one person can control another by such threats. I stand by my opinion that the decision to end ones life, rests with only them.

Who

Lieslies...You will never find a bigger opponent against abuse than me. NEVER.

My point is...WS lie about their partners all the time..it is the nature of the beast. If the only source of this information is the WS..it is suspect at best. Liars lie.

Having an OW perpetrate this type of behavior on your WH is not the same as experiencing it yourself. So, no you haven't BTDT. I do not need to have a debate with you D to prove my point. I said what I had to say, agree with it or don't. FWIW, I don't think OW is using this to her advantage. It seems that the WH may be using the suicide as a justification to continue contact with OW. If that is the case, then shame on him.

Why don't you think the other woman would use this to her advantage??? Has she shown herself to have good moral character where she is above reproach???

Look, I deal with abuse victims every single day. For your information....it is a very under reported crime...but when it IS reported..it is also fabricated at a much higher percentage than other crimes. Couple that with the information coming from a WS and at the very least it needs to be viewed with suspicion. Just my opinion based on years of experience.

Actually, I have BTDT.... READ MY POST. I said it wasn't just my FWH that lived through this before...

ARGH.

You assume much obviously w/out reading the WHOLE post.

>It seems that the WH may be using the suicide as a justification to continue contact with OW

YES. That is what I was saying.

I think OW is too, since she PULLED this on the WH..."If you break up with me, I'm going to harm myself."

Thanks everyone for the input.

I have had friends who have been controlled by abuse. Yes, she did call the police, they put him in a mental ward for the night & sent him home the next day. No, Texas police do not get involved in domestic situations. Case in point, we lost a local constable who was shot due to a domestic situation just a few miles down the road from my WH's work. He died instantly. Even with a restraining order, they have to do something harmful before police intervene & then most of the time you're already dead.



Yepper, since we had to move out of our house for a week after he died because he'd talked to a hit man & the hit man came to the funeral. I know this only because he was best friends with the security guards at the plant & the one who went to my WH's boss was with her W/BH when it was discussed in November. He was scared for about 2 weeks. And still thinks that they will come after him on the anniversary of his death. Personally, that would make me stay away from her because who knows who will be with him if it does happen.



Some of my knowledge comes from his friends & law enforcement in his town. He was well known for his abuse & instability, according to the officer who investigated the hit man thing. He talked to neighbors, friends, law officers, etc. before telling us that we probably had nothing to worry about. He said that since it had been investigated & it was public knowledge, no hit man in his right mind would show up & take a chance on getting caught. But we are still cautious.

I'm not saying my WH is completely guilt free. But knowing the past sitch with this man, I don't think he was the TOTAL cause of it, like he thinks. She actually taunted her H with info about the A, their sexual escapades, etc. Her H told me about this when he harrassed me on the phone. She would throw it in his face worse than mine ever did. Mine only said things when I asked. I think she wanted him to do it because that night, she was in a bar partying with friends. Witnesses at the scene said their youngest son (the one with law trouble) walked up to the body & said "I sure am glad his a$$ paid my lawyer fees before he pulled this sh*t." Talk about family love!! He is buried in a cemetary on my WH's route to work, right by the highway, so my WH sees it every day, 2X a day. I think she planned that & I think she is playing on his guilt now.

I know he shares guilt because of the A. But I also know that NC had been going on for a little longer than a month when this happened. It broke after this happened. So her decision to not go back was her own. Once my WH contacted her again, she has waited on him ever since.

So I think it's high time my WH quit playing in the pity pool, pick his a$$ up & start putting his & our life back together. IMHO, continued contact with her, even though they don't see each other, will only keep the guilt alive. He will never be able to heal & neither will she. I know what is the right thing to do. Now he needs to know it.

Maybe no one can understand his feelings about this. I know I've tried. And I've been affected by this, too. I think if he establishes NC & stays away, no one in her family or any of her W/BH friends will have any reason to come after my WH. JMO, but that's how I feel. And I can't move on either while I'm still reminded about it all the time.

He's convinced no one else has ever been in this sitch.

I wish I could get everyone's input on here & answer it. As I mentioned above, most of my info comes from law enforcement & family friends. People who had witnessed it first hand. The security guard who told us about the hit man was scared to death when he saw him at the funeral. He called the plant as soon as he left the cemetary. So he felt there was a valid reason that it was a possibility. It was investigated by a Texas Ranger. I know how crazy he was just from phone calls to me. He knew where we lived. He would call me & tell me that he drove by & he knew my WH was not home. He had vehicle descriptions & license plate numbers, our home & cell phone numbers. One night he had me so upset in the car, I almost ran off the road & I told him that if I did because of him, I would find him & come down on him like the wrath of God & to never call me again. Once he even called his cell phone & it showed our home number. Only thing I can think of is he was at the house & called from the phone box outside on the dark side of the house. It would have been so easy.

Yes, she threatened to commit suicide & she has all her H's guns. I sent her a message & offered her my 9 mil if she needed any help, told her I would load it with new bullets. I told her that way she would be out of my life forever. I know, bad thing I done, but I felt better after I unloaded on her. Since then, I've told her that no law in Heaven or on Earth gives her the right to take what belongs to someone else. She has supposedly decided that my WH is stringing her along & moving on with her life. Hope so.

I know from the same sources, that he not only mentally abused her but physically also. She was afraid to leave & I know how that is from friends who have been through the same thing. I truly do sometimes believe she wanted him to do it so she wouldn't have to deal with him after a divorce. She wasn't too upset about it, even though it happened in front of her face. I wouldn't be able to leave my house if a complete stranger committed suicide in front of me. My WH has been more traumatized than she has.

Yes, he's guilty of the A. But someone who has threatened suicide for years is the only one responsible for the choice to actually go through with it. I don't think the A pushed him over the edge. I think her filing for divorce did & that's a decision she made all on her own. She suddenly got a backbone & he didn't like it. My WH had told her he was going home to try to work things out with me. Yes, he was a WS. Same sources have given info about the OW for him & the STD his W got from the A. He kept going back to this OW & she had caught them together again just before the A with my WH started. I sometimes feel she was using my WH to get back at her WH. Not a good thing.

Keep the posts coming. I will let him read them when I get home tonight.

I concur.

He needs to realize he CANNOT fix this for her nor is he obligated to fix anyone but you and himself.

- Kimmy

well...if he is the only one responsible for his suicide...which I do not agree with..then your H was responsible for anything that happened to your fanily as a result of his affair. If this man tracked down and hurt your H...which by the way...he deserved...it would have been your H's fault. It's semantics to say the affair didn't push him over the edge because she most likely filed and abused him in part because of the affair. We see that all the time on these boards and some very stable people have been pushed to suicide attempts as a result of an affair....good people have killed their spouses and/or affair partners....

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

This is a situation I was close to in real life.

Well, the OW says she was going to leave. She says it had nothing to do with her affair. Hmmmmm.

I would buy it IF she left on her own, with no one waiting in the wings. Also, most people who have gone through hard times in a marriage, would not want to inflict pain on another person - YOU.

She sounds like a pig to me. I can't imagine continuing the affair when hubby shot himself at your husband's work. I think that would have been a wake up call for me that I needed to do some careful examination of my life.