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Joined: Jun 2005
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Karma Rose - I don't know that song, will have to hunt for it. Plan B is definitely in - personal recovery needs to be my focus now. Thanks for your post and for caring.


D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Thanks guys. I think I am going to try and lie down for a bit.....hopefully I can sleep.

Hopefully.....

My head is aching and I feel sick to my stomach.

I will pray before I go to bed.

Thank you again everyone.


D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Keep in your mind Kim that everything you're feeling is normal for what you've been thru. You've lived thru years of mistreatment.

Be sad, but don't take responsibility for any of it. You did everything possible to recover your marriage. You should have no regrets. A BS can't make a WS cheat, just like they can't make them stop cheating. He chose to cheat and because he's done this before he fully knows the consequences. No guess work there.

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 Originally Posted By: kimberly234
Thanks guys. I think I am going to try and lie down for a bit.....hopefully I can sleep.

Hopefully.....

My head is aching and I feel sick to my stomach.

I will pray before I go to bed.

Thank you again everyone.


You have lots of people praying for you to find strength and resolve when you wake tomorrow.

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I remember the day you washed up here Kimberly. What a transformation there has been in you ! LOOK at you girl ! Strong, protecting your family like a TIGRESS- taking NO more disrespect and corruption from your poison WH.

You can look in every mirror now and see a woman that went the extra yard to recover her M but but refused to have a disrespectful cheating wretch in it.

Be proud of yourself and be confident in your future, Kimberly. I know I am very proud of you and very confident in your future.


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Kim, I've not posted to you before either but I too have read your story. I am also praying for you and your son now. May you feel God's peace in your heart. You have done all you can for your marriage. You have enough strength to be all your DS needs for a happy childhood still. {{{Kim}}}

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Good Morning. Jo, Bob and Learning -- Thank you for your prayers. I need to dig down and find strength for DS. I can't be sad all the time. I do want to give him a happy childhood & want him to have good memories.....

I didn't sleep much at all last night. I hope this gets easier.

And I know I have gotten stronger since 3 years ago. I know I have grown as a person.

Just made a dumb mistake.


D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Kim
Don't think I've ever posted to you before, but if you read up on my sitch, you will find some eerie similarities, right down to telling your WH off before he left and his deerintheheadlights reaction. Same same.

Give it about a month and the sadness will subside. Focus on getting things together, legally. If you can get an LSA in your area, do it. Protect your assets from this idiot.

My son is now 6 years old and has been in the midst of my boomerang marriage for three years now. I'm glad that divorce is immenent at this point. It is a resolution for all that is really for the best. I am in Plan B again, for my sanity and to help me move on in a healthy way. I haven't felt this good in years.

My WH had two PA's.


Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Kim...great job last night. Keep that lousy excuse for a man out of your life from this point forward. Get a bull dog attorney and "CRY HAVOC AND LET LOOSE THE DOGS OF WAR."

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Hi - I will have to read up on your sitch. Time will ease the pain, I know. or I hope. I'll read up on your sitch. Maybe it will give me some hope for feeling better.

In my state they really don't do LSA's. So I'd have to do a D. WH was pretty good during my last Plan B in giving me bi-weekly checks.

It stinks to be here, and am sorry that you and your son have had to go through this horror. I am glad to read that given time, there are good feelings ahead.

I had a family vacation planned & reservations are set for the first week of August. We were going to take WH's car (that I'm helping to pay about 1/3 of each month) because mine is a gas guzzler plus I haven't gotten my AC fixed. I don't know if I'm still going to go now. I know I should, but the gas prices & no AC for 7 hours is not appealing.

Since I agreed to pay 1/3 of the car payment, do I have the right to ask to take the car for vacation?

We were also supposed to drive down to my parents this weekend. My nephew is leaving for the marines & my sister is having a going away party. Again, I hate driving my car with gas prices like they are.....And I'm not up to being around family, but I need to go for my nephew....


D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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thanks MedC. I need to get my head straight and figure out my plan. Right now Plan B. Get strong again.

If I D, I then have the decision of whether or not to stay in the city I am in or move to be close to my family. There is the issue of DS having a relationship with WH. If I move, then that would be 2 hours away. My Dad has kept a job offer on the table for me with his business all this time.

I am quite happy where I'm working now. But, the potential with my Dad is pretty big.


D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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SilentLucidity -- Your links at the bottom of your post don't work for me. I'll search to see if I can find your thread.


D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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kimberly234,

I'm very sorry about your situation. I think it's every BSs worst nightmare. If there is anything more cruel than infidelity, it's putting your BS through a false R afterwards.

I say if you feel like exposing, why not do it? You've earned it.


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 Quote:
WH is not here. I have kicked him out and our M is most likely over.

He doesn't give a flip about anyone but himself. He pretends to know about love.



(((((kimberly234)))))

Does he know Christ, or does he pretend about that too?

An unrepentant adulterer will not be in heaven, so he needs to meet God first before anything else.

And you need to know that God has granted you the right to a divorce for just this sort of situation.

Prayers and hugs for you during this difficult time.

The "euphoria" of the moment will pass...keep posting.


God bless.

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kim, you can drive at night, when it's cooler. Take the vacation. For your son's sake.

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Kim,

I'll bump my thread.

and...take that vacation; if you can manage it without WH's vehicle, then do so. It seems really taxing, and at first, it is, but getting to the vaca spot, and having the help of family is priceless.

As far as moving away with your son, that is a toughie, because it is very important for a kid to have his/her dad around, even if it's only a little. If you WH begins to show no interest in visitation, THEN I would move. However, if the opportunity is one that will secure yours and your sons future, I would weigh your options. It's a tough spot, for sure.

I have a good job, and good friends and I live near my family. I am blessed in that way. It's a good thing, because these last three years have been h3llish.


It really does get better. There are a few here who have gone the Plan B to Plan D route, and are doing very well.


Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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(((Kim)))

I am so sorry you just got this terrible blow, but I am glad for you that the doubting period is over. Now you know what you are dealing with and can plan accordingly.

Did you have legal counsel last time? I know you say WH did OK with paying support, but I would get something legal set up as soon as possible. You don't know where his selfish immaturity will lead him this time.

He knows how it went down last time and he probably thinks he can still push you around for awhile.

I think you said there is no LSA, just D, I would go ahead and get something going. Get the reality set down in paper and work on the feelings stuff later.

I am so sorry Kim, I will be praying for you and DS.

(((Kim)))


Me-41 BS (FWS)
DH-41 WS (FBS)
2DD's- 10 and 12
Married 15 years
Separated for 2 years after my A
Reconciled for 1 year before his A
D-day for his A 8/23/05
WH moved out 9/16/05
Divorce final 1/23/07
Affair ended or month or so later
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Hi all -

I know I keep saying this. But your posts mean so much. Thank you.

I might try to rent a car. Between the gas prices and AC it might be worth it. I'm also going to contact the lady I'm renting the condo from and see if she has a smaller unit since it will be just DS and me.

I'm just not ready to see a lawyer yet. I know it would be for my protection, but I can't get my head there right now. I wouldn't be able to think straight and would just be crying the whole time.

I need to let WH know to pick DS up at home today. He gets ticked when people tm him b/c he has to pay for it. But that is probably better than and e-mail. I also need to let him know to get some of his things from the garage. e-mail?

SL - I saw where you bumped your thread. Thanks.

Thanks for the prayers Jean.


D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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((((((((Kim))))))))

I've never posted to you either, nor do I know your whole story, but I am so sorry for what you are dealing with. It is all of us BS's in recovery worst nightmare. Again, I am so incrediably sorry.

About the vacation, I say go. Do you have a family member or friend who may be willing to trade cars with you for the vacation???? This may help....(my sis had a friend she did this for....can't hurt to ask...). Either way, go...it will be good for you.....

About the lawyer....make an appointment right away. I know it will be hard, but don't give this man any wiggle room. Also, you said you were worried about not emotionally handling it, so can you take a family member or a trusted friend with you. Someone who would ask questions you may not think of and help take notes so you aren't so "bombarded"??? Sort of like when someone is diagnosted with cancer. The sick person should always take someone with them to the dr. to help them with all the info thrown their way....

And lastly, take care of yourself. My suggestion is to see your Primary Dr. right away. Let them know what is going on in your life so that way if things come up (depression, anxiety, loss of sleep.....) they will already have the heads up to be able to help you. I was already dealing with anxiety and Dep. when my first Dday happened and I went to my DR. 2 days later. It was probably the best thing I ever did, because it let her know what emergency I was dealing with and we talked about ways to cope, and it also let her know what was going on if/when I needed med. help.....

Again, I am sorry this is happening, though it sounds like you were strong through the whole thing. As far as giving him the riot act....KUDOS TO YOU.....Don't feel bad, don't be embarressed....he got what he deserved and he probably deserved a whole lot worse.....

Your in my prayers honey.....


((((((kim))))))

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Kim,

I haven't posted to you before either, but my thoughts are with you. Same sitch for me - 9 months of a totally false recovery. He and OW were plotting the entire time. UGH. So I've been there too and I went out with a bang too. Lots of LB's.

I wish I could say that you could get through this with no pain, but you can't. You just have to cross the Extreme Pain River to get to the other side. There's no bridge, but there is a life jacket to hang on to and it's called Plan B. Grab it with everything you have in you and hold on tight. It WILL get you to the other side safely with your dignity still in tact. That I can promise.

(((KIM))))


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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