She wants to keep our daughter insulated as much as possible; I do to up to a certain point.
Of course she does! She wants to hide her crimes from her victim! Don't all adulterers want to do that? What is harming your DD is her adultery, not the truth. She needs the truth about her own life, not lies and spin.
TTF, has your DD been told the full truth? That your wife is having an affair?
Your daughter has a RIGHT to know what her mother is doing TO HER and you need to STOP trying to whitewash it. Whitewashing your W's crimes against you and your DD helps no one and makes the problem worse. This is your DD's life and your wife's affair has a major impact on it. If you do not tell your DD the truth, your WW is free to tell her lies.
What is her plan? To LIE to the DD about where she plans on going? How does that help anything except to make your WW feel good about her crimes? How is that not EVIL to whitewash your wife's horrendous behavior against her own child? C'mon, TTF!
Everyone needs to know that she plans on running off to see the OM on NY eve. Everyone!
If you want this 1 hr mp3 from Dr Laura, email me at ohmelodylane@aol.com
This is a segment that is sloppily and partially transcribed by me that was on the Dr Laura show. I thought Dr. Laura made some EXCELLENT and profound points about the effects of lying to children about adultery. I don't always agree with her views on adultery, but she is right on in this aspect.
Dr. Harley, as many of you know, is a strong advocate of telling the children the TRUTH.
Dr. Laura show [4:25 min into segment - 5-15-08]
Caller: Husband had an affair with good friend for 2 years. Her H ws one of his "buddies."
Dr. Laura: Do you have minor children?
Caller: Yes, we both do
Dr. Laura: They are willing to hurt your kids? Why are they willing to break up the families?
caller: Basically, they said they are not "happy."
Dr L: So that is the explanation for being willing to hurt their kids? They are doing this to be "happy?"
What can I do to possibly help you?
Caller: I need to know what to tell my kids.
Dr. Laura: THE TRUTH. They are breaking up 2 families because they have decided.....
See, I am not of the school where you stand by and do pretend with kids where this is all ok. Because this is NOT OK.
The most important story is that this is NOT OK. sit down with your husband and tell him you are going to explain to our children, in a factual, non hysterical way I am going to explain to the kids the horrible thing you are doing to destroy their family. That you are "not happy" is not sufficient reason to destroy 2 families and I am going to make this clear to them because I want them to grow up understanding this is WRONG.
That is my advice. And i think everybody should be clear this is selfish behavior that is WRONG, vows were made.
Not being "happy" is something you work to turnaround, not something you destroy a family over. If both of these people were to hear this was going to happen they will have second thoughts.
DO not think for a moment you are doing wrong by telling your children this. It is your moral obligation to teach them right from wrong. EVEN when it demonstrates a parent has done wrong. The parent cannot be whitewashed and get away with that - THAT IS WRONG and that does not teach the children
I really hope alot of people hear this. Alot of ppl want to whitewash what they are doing. Kids should know that is your attitude.
But to tell the custodial parent: hey don't make me look bad for my own selfish gain is ABSURD! and is EVIL! We are going to make wrong seem ok. Kids will lose any sense of right and wrong. Kids will be taught that anything is ok as long as it makes me "happy." Kids lose any sense of right or wrong. "well, it makes me happy to use drugs" when I am 12 It makes me "happy" to get on my knees and give 4 6th graders oral sex. That is what they teach their kids.
This is what happens when you whitewash wrongdoing to make no body feel bad which is why I get called MEAN. I get called mean because I say the truth. "Its MEAN to say something is right or wrong; its mean to make somebody feel bad!" Its MEAN to say the truth. People get shut down when they get called "judgmental" when they say the truth. The intent is to shut you down. Well, I don't shut up. Kids don't learn important truths when they allow others to shut them down. We don't help our children when we don't say the truth and support them in saying what is right and wrong.